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Old 09-19-2016, 09:01 AM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,098 posts, read 3,805,732 times
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My late husband died of cancer almost 17 years ago. We were married 18 years at the time of his death. He was a great guy and I miss him daily. I remarried 5 years following his death.

His brother is one of my social media contacts. About 2x a year my former BIL posts photos of my deceased husband/his brother with some memory about him.... And there is always lots of positive reinforcement from old school mates, family members, etc. Everytime, it just tugs at my soul. I literally feel like I have been stabbed in the heart.

I find this continual posting both morbid and unhealthy..... Do you agree or am I just too close to this?
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Old 09-19-2016, 09:05 AM
 
12,939 posts, read 19,860,988 times
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I think everybody is entitled to remember the deceased on their own terms. I'm sorry it hurts you, but I don't understand why you find it morbid that your first husband's life is recognized once a year. I would be thrilled to know somebody I loved was still thought of fondly.
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Old 09-19-2016, 09:15 AM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,098 posts, read 3,805,732 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
I think everybody is entitled to remember the deceased on their own terms. I'm sorry it hurts you, but I don't understand why you find it morbid that your first husband's life is recognized once a year. I would be thrilled to know somebody I loved was still thought of fondly.
Actually it is more like 2-3 times a year
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Old 09-19-2016, 09:22 AM
 
Location: USA
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I've seen people post things about their children, siblings or parents that have passed away many years ago in their family. What works for them may not work for you. I'm not one to dwell on what has happened in my past. My sister passed away over 10yrs. ago and rarely talk about it anymore unless someone asks me about how many siblings I have. And I always say, one is in Heaven
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Old 09-19-2016, 09:24 AM
 
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I don't think posting to remember a deceased loved one once or twice a year is very morbid. If they were doing it every few weeks or so, that would be, in my opinion, morbid, unhealthy, and probably attention-seeking.


I tend to think that people who go visit graves every week are pretty morbid. Or those people who have a sort-of "alter" to their deceased loved on in their home. But a post once a year to bring up good memories of a person? That seems okay to me. I have a relative I found in my ancestry research who had a very interesting, heroic life story, which included fighting in WWII and dying very young. I post about him once a year on Memorial Day. I don't think of that as morbid. I post a picture of my deceased grandmom who died at 93, maybe a picture from the 1930s or 40s, around her birthday every year. That's not morbid.


There was a guy from my high school class who died suddenly a few years ago. His sister, who also went to high school with us, might post about him twice a year, and I think that's fine. But then there are others from our class who seem to post about him a lot, and I do wonder how that affects his sister. I mean, she lost her brother and only posts about him a couple times in a year, but these people who were just friends with him keep posting about him all the time, how much they miss him, etc. I think that's odd, and probably attention-seeking, and it probably bothers his sister. Or maybe not. Maybe she's glad that he touched so many people, and they remember him. But to me, these people are overdoing it.
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Old 09-19-2016, 09:25 AM
 
12,939 posts, read 19,860,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
Actually it is more like 2-3 times a year
I'm still not understanding your problem with it, 2-3 days out of 365 doesn't seem morbid. My brother died in an accident a few years ago, leaving 3 kids behind. They often post (individual) memories of their father, so it's quite a bit more often than your BIL. I like knowing their memories are still fresh.

I guess if it really upsets you the best course of action would be to hide his posts.
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Old 09-19-2016, 09:32 AM
 
5,612 posts, read 4,178,484 times
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I don't find it morbid. I actually think it's sweet that he still thinks of his brother and wants to share something from his life. My BIL died last year. He and my husband were best friends. It's been incredibly hard for him to have his brother gone. If posting pictures and/or memories a couple times a year brought him solace, I'd be all for it.

Everyone grieves in their own way and we have to allow for that even if it's not what we would do. Since it upsets you, why not hide his posts on FB? It's not the only way to keep up with people.
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Old 09-19-2016, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Fuquay Varina
4,244 posts, read 6,214,559 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
Actually it is more like 2-3 times a year


I would like to hope that I am remembered at least that often after I pass.


It doesn't sound like you have fond memories of your late husband. I can't imagine any other reason to feel offended or outraged about someones memory.
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Old 09-19-2016, 09:40 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,847,759 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post

I find this continual posting both morbid and unhealthy..... Do you agree or am I just too close to this?
It is not morbid. It is wonderful that he is still remembered!


And the only unhealthy part I see is when you say...
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
I literally feel like I have been stabbed in the heart.
17 years later, I would have hoped you were further along in the process...
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Old 09-19-2016, 09:40 AM
 
4,801 posts, read 4,697,071 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
My late husband died of cancer almost 17 years ago. We were married 18 years at the time of his death. He was a great guy and I miss him daily. I remarried 5 years following his death.

His brother is one of my social media contacts. About 2x a year my former BIL posts photos of my deceased husband/his brother with some memory about him.... And there is always lots of positive reinforcement from old school mates, family members, etc. Everytime, it just tugs at my soul. I literally feel like I have been stabbed in the heart.

I find this continual posting both morbid and unhealthy..... Do you agree or am I just too close to this?

I think you are just being too close to this. He is mourning in his own way and I think posting 2-3 times PER YEAR is more than fine.

I agree with the suggestion of possibly blocking his posts, especially if you feel like you're being stabbed in the heart from something that seems to have a lot of positive reinforcement.
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