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Old 10-04-2016, 03:19 AM
 
Location: between Mars and Venus
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Suicide and murdered.
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Old 10-06-2016, 08:57 PM
Status: " ." (set 6 days ago)
 
550 posts, read 804,034 times
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I think he means bothersome as one that still preys on your mind. No harm meant to those who grieve.
My mom died of a heart attack 3 months before she was going to move cross country to live near me. It really mangled my script for how things were to be. I wanted that chance to have a different and better relationship.(probably we would have continued the same patterns )
My ex husband-someone I really disliked was killed in an auto accident-I felt very vulnerable..this could happen to me kind of feeling. Selfish . I genuinely felt bad for his parents.
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Old 10-06-2016, 09:39 PM
 
Location: In the realm of possiblities
2,710 posts, read 2,166,753 times
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I worked at a sheet metal shop in my late 20's,and the Foreman assigned a new hire to help me on a production machine. He was a few years younger than me, and was married and had a little girl he adored. We got along great, and the Foreman even asked me to train him on the machine as I was to be sent to the field, and he would take my place. He seemed excited about the prospect of advancement. We sometimes ate lunch together, and took turns buying soda water, and snacks for our break time. When the Christmas holiday came around, even though we hadn't worked together but a few months we talked about what we were going to do over the holidays, and wished each other a Merry Christmas.


Jan 2nd when I came back to work, the young man was no where to be found in the shop. When I asked the Foreman where the young man was, I was told that one Sunday during the holidays while his wife and daughter were at church he sat down in his living room and shot himself. I have been haunted by that ever since hoping I didn't miss a sign that the young man needed help. So sad.
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Old 10-08-2016, 06:37 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,253,758 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemming95 View Post
I think he means bothersome as one that still preys on your mind. No harm meant to those who grieve.
Sorry, I still can't accept that calling the loss of a loved one "bothersome" reflects a crashing insensitivity. "Bothersome" is a mosquito bite. It is missing a TV show you wanted to see (and forgetting to record it.) Bothersome is something irritating. When someone close to you dies, most people do eventually adjust and learn to live again, but you never really stop missing the person. When something bothers you, you want it to just go away. When you have recurrent grief, you want the pain to go away, but not the memories. You hold the memories in your heart with love. They are precious, not bothersome. You learn to accept the occasional bouts of sadness as the other side of love. I would NEVER denigrate anyone's grief by calling it an irritant. I know that it sounds like I am being over-sensitive, but sometimes words do matter.
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Old 10-08-2016, 07:11 PM
 
429 posts, read 249,043 times
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I jumped into this thread assuming I would relate the deaths in my life than had borhtered me the most. My initial thoughts were to share the feelings I had after the deaths of my parents. You know, that empty, hollow, staring into space that says 'you are now on your own'. Then I read responses and will alter my answer. There was a young man I had quite a crush on during Junior High. Really nice guy, great hair, big smile, althetic build. My crush was silent but I dreamed about him as adolescents do. I didn't even tell my best friend. This young man, his Dad and brother loved hunting; not something I enjoyed or supported; but the crush remained. One weekend he was killed by a stray bullet meant for a deer. Very sad. His death bothered me on multiple levels. Why is the first question. As time passed, I still thought of him and of his family and send prayers and thoughts their way. On the other hand, maybe the other side should be sending thoughts our way. Dunno, interesting topic.
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Old 10-10-2016, 06:52 AM
 
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I took OP's post intention a little different than some of the other posters.

When I was 5 years old, my paternal grandfather died. He was only 50 years old. He had been sick and in a wheel chair for a couple of years. His viewing was in the family home. I remember having to go up and kneel at his coffin. I did not know what I was suppose to do. It freaked me out. His death bothered me because I truly loved him and he loved me. I wish he was a part of my life for longer than 5 years. His death did not feel natural. I have always missed him and "what could have been."

My great grandmother died a few years later. She was in her late 80's or early 90's. She was a beautiful soul. I loved her. I saw her laid out in her casket in a beautiful peach dress. She looked beautiful and peaceful. Her death felt natural. I did not feel bothered by her death.

My paternal grandmother was cruel and cold. She hated my mother and her grandchildren. She died a few years ago and I was not bothered at all. I felt nothing at all - no love or hate. I made peace with her behavior years earlier.

Two of my ex-boyfriends died in accidents. One was 19 years old when he crashed his motorcycle. The other died in a car accident when he was 21. Both of these deaths bothered me because of their age.

My cat died 10 years ago from cancer. It bothered me very much; more than I expected. Still does. I've grieved for all of my pets, but not like this. I never expected to feel so strongly about a pet's death.


All untimely or avoidable deaths are bothersome to me. Natural deaths feel, well....natural. It doesn't mean I do not grieve the person, but I don't feel bothered by their death.
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Old 10-10-2016, 07:44 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,611 posts, read 42,768,368 times
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The post makes me think of certain public figures who died. When President Kennedy, Princess Diana, and Steve Irwin died, their deaths hit me like a punch in the gut. I am not sure why this is, because when public figures die, I am usually not affected much.

When relatives die, I have not been caught by surprise, so I have not had the same reaction. The only time I felt the gut punch for someone I knew was when my sons friend was killed in an accident, the morning of senior prom.
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Old 10-13-2016, 01:27 AM
 
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The lose of my pets was the most painful
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Old 10-13-2016, 01:45 AM
 
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I cried so hard when my little pet pigeon, Paisano, got hit by an el train in Chicago, more than for anyone else, and I don't know why. I found him under those tracks when he was just a little baby, and he liked to fly in and out my of window, near the tracks.
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Old 10-13-2016, 05:08 AM
 
459 posts, read 521,104 times
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My grandparents on one side of the family I hardly knew because they were so old when I was born. The deaths of grandparents on the other side were expected. My father died suddenly in an auto accident when I was 19 years old, but my mother went to her room, went to bed, and expected me to step up and take care of the arrangements, which I did, so I was too busy to mourn at the time. A little later it sank in and I was so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye. My mother's death also was not a surprise.

As an only child, I have to say it was the death of my dog when I was in the sixth grade that affected me the most, as strange as that seems! I cried for three days straight.
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