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Old 11-07-2016, 08:05 PM
 
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Sometimes it never stops happening. It's been 27 years since I lost my first husband, my first love.
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Old 11-07-2016, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
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I felt it today. Don't know why it hits when it does. I felt love though. It was peaceful.
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Old 11-13-2016, 07:05 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
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Hugs to all.

I was very close to my paternal grandmother and she died when I was about 40 after living right around the corner from me for years, so yes, I did grieve for her - but in retrospect I realize that somewhere in that grief, I knew she was old, she was sick, and now she was at peace - there was some relief and comfort to the grief if that makes sense.

A few weeks ago, my dad died very unexpectedly - he was the youngest person on his long living family's side to die - at a very vigorous and active 78. He was at the shooting range in fact when he had a stroke. And after he got to the hospital, we thought for days that he was coming home in a few days - he seemed to be doing pretty well.

Then he suddenly nose dived and had a massive stroke on his brain stem - and he was gone. I remember looking at the "goal date of release" on the chart in his room and it said "10/29/16." Well - he was released alright - that was the day he died.

Since his death, I've fluctuated between busily helping my mom (he was her main caregiver), and sobbing as I have to go through his papers and records, which always contain notes in his beloved handwriting. I can be fine all day, and then, for instance the other night I opened his briefcase and found his little packet of meds that he had packed to carry with him at all times - to stave off death (he had a platelet disorder which caused clotting and also uncontrolled bleeding but he was fastidious about taking his meds and taking precautions). He was trying so hard to live and to be careful - but nothing he did could have saved him from that devastating blood clot, which happened in spite of all his precautions.

It just broke my heart. He was so vital, so active, so alive - but that packet of meds represented the fears that he kept to himself. He never shared those deep fears with any of us, but I know they were there, and his fears came true.

Just thinking about it makes my heart hurt.

I went out tonight to look at November's Super Moon. My dad and I always watched the sky together or at the same time. He or I always called the other when some sort of special moon, or eclipse, or meteor shower was going to happen, and we'd set our clocks and compare notes the next day. Tonight I looked at that moon alone. I expected that to make me cry, but instead, I felt a sense of great peace, which was surprising.

Grief is on it's own timeline, that's for sure.
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Old 11-14-2016, 04:49 PM
 
Location: SWFL
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Nice post, Kathryn. That was how my Mom spelled it too. My Dad and I used to do stuff like that too. We were both very interested in natural phenomena. Like you, I thought watching it by myself now would make me sad but I feel content. I tell myself he is just watching from a different view.
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Old 11-14-2016, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Nice post, Kathryn. That was how my Mom spelled it too. My Dad and I used to do stuff like that too. We were both very interested in natural phenomena. Like you, I thought watching it by myself now would make me sad but I feel content. I tell myself he is just watching from a different view.

That's it EXACTLY!!!!!
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