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Old 10-27-2016, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Glen Burnie, Maryland
1,245 posts, read 3,332,261 times
Reputation: 1319

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JONOV View Post
On to the original subject, I dislike the more free form "Celebrations of Life." I love the term and the idea, but the ones I have been to have taken way too long. i understand that that may sound mean, but my close friend passed and they invited anyone and everyone to speak. Each side of the family had something to say, her poor mother talked at length, each group of her friends all said something, her widower talked, her boss talked...Everyone that she touched felt obligated to share something.
I had a very close friend that died of cancer. She was cremated. Her kids had a memorial service for her and people were asked to come up and share stories and memories of her. NO ONE came up to speak. It was so awkward. Finally, one of her sons tried to speak but choked up too much after only getting out one sentence. I felt really bad especially since I didn't get up to speak either (too emotional).
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Old 10-27-2016, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
13,144 posts, read 7,393,567 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avalon08 View Post
This has to be the worst topic I have ever seen. For what earthly purpose are you asking this question?
Totally agree. But I am curious about something related to death / funerals. Why does every dead person magically turn into a saint after they pass away? The person could be the most evil person who ever lived, but there seems to be some obligation on the part of acquaintances/ relatives to talk about them as if they were perfect. This is especially true if the person died a horrible, violent death at the hands of another.

"Angela was an amazing mother. She was the best friend I ever had, never missed a day of work, a fantastic wife, excellent credit score, and always kept a spotless house."

"Bill was an outgoing guy, loved to travel, very devoted to his parents, hard worker, climbing up the career ladder rapidly, champion in martial arts, etc."

Human beings aren't like this in life. Why are they like this in death?
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Old 10-27-2016, 11:41 AM
 
4,829 posts, read 4,806,658 times
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Modern funeral is just a pathetic, professionalized, standartized, mechanical if not soulless performance. And as every service it's obsenely priced, that what hapens when every area of existence and death become a business opportunity.
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Old 10-27-2016, 11:48 AM
 
4,829 posts, read 4,806,658 times
Reputation: 6172
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
Totally agree. But I am curious about something related to death / funerals. Why does every dead person magically turn into a saint after they pass away? The person could be the most evil person who ever lived, but there seems to be some obligation on the part of acquaintances/ relatives to talk about them as if they were perfect. This is especially true if the person died a horrible, violent death at the hands of another.

"Angela was an amazing mother. She was the best friend I ever had, never missed a day of work, a fantastic wife, excellent credit score, and always kept a spotless house."

"Bill was an outgoing guy, loved to travel, very devoted to his parents, hard worker, climbing up the career ladder rapidly, champion in martial arts, etc."

Human beings aren't like this in life. Why are they like this in death?
Cause game is over, a person carried his life burden to the end in whatever way he could, it doesn't really matter to tell what we really thought about him, it's petty stuff that no longer matters in the face of death, the great equilizer of good, bad, rich, poor, deserving and less so.
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Old 10-27-2016, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Georgia
4,514 posts, read 3,774,014 times
Reputation: 15511
My grandmother died and wasn't a church-going kinda gal, but my uncle asked this HORRIBLE "minister" (I think it was mail-order degree) to do her funeral. OMIGOD! I was so furious, a cousin I was sitting next to physically put her arm around me to keep me from jumping up and screaming, "SHUT UP!!! JUST SHUT UP, YOU MORON!" He spent the entire time talking about hellfire and damnation, and how we were ALL going to hell, ESPECIALLY my grandmother, because she had a stroke and didn't have a chance to accept the Lord as her Savior before she died. WTH!?!?! This was a woman who faithfully read her Bible every night before she went to bed and never missed an opportunity to do a kindness for anyone, but just "didn't hold with a lot of churchin'" This so-called minister strutted across the dais with his scuffed-up snakeskin cowboy boots, dirty shirt, mismatched tie and COWBOY HAT (and no, we weren't out West!) and declared, at the top of his smoke-raspy voice, that my grandmother was going to hell.
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Old 10-27-2016, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Georgia
4,514 posts, read 3,774,014 times
Reputation: 15511
Quote:
Originally Posted by JONOV View Post
On to the original subject, I dislike the more free form "Celebrations of Life." I love the term and the idea, but the ones I have been to have taken way too long. i understand that that may sound mean, but my close friend passed and they invited anyone and everyone to speak. Each side of the family had something to say, her poor mother talked at length, each group of her friends all said something, her widower talked, her boss talked...Everyone that she touched felt obligated to share something.
I've been to some nice ones, and I've been to some dreadful ones. The nice ones were organized, a few selected people spoke and touched on various aspects of the deceased's life, a couple of meaningful songs, and a minister who knew the deceased and his family and was able to offer true comfort and human touches to the service.

The worst one I went to was for the suicide of a 17 year old special needs child. There were a lot of people there, and omigod, people (generally young people with no sense of propriety or appropriateness) would go up to the lectern with "memories" and drone on and on and on and on . . . it was horrible. After TWO hours, and the line was still long for people waiting to share their memories, a couple of us ended up slipping out. I hope the parents were comforted by the long, long, long, long line of people who felt the need to share memories, but I can't help but think that, after a certain point, they weren't just screaming, "DEAR GOD, JUST STOP!" inside. Or maybe they were just too numb at that point.
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Old 10-27-2016, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Camberville
11,395 posts, read 15,995,267 times
Reputation: 18035
I'm taking horrible to mean horrible behavior.

My mom's side of the family is screwed up. Her father was a serious narcissist and all three of his kids came out with the same affliction. As you can imagine, there was a lot of infighting. My mom got on my grandfather's bad side when I was in college and as a result, he wrote my whole family off and even refused to take my calls a year later when I was diagnosed with cancer (my parents were pretty awful too, but that's another story). By the end, he had disowned two of his three children, including the 3 grandchildren on that side, and was totally enmeshed with my uncle. My uncle did all that he could to make sure we were written out of the will so his kids would inherit literally tens of millions of dollars- most of the money coming from my grandmother's (grandfather's exwife's) father who always favored my mom. My grandfather took over the business before my great grandfather died, but it came out after GGF's death that my grandfather had been cheating on my grandmother for decades and, when they divorced, completely cleared her out so she got none of the benefits of the business she helped her father and husband build. In short, it's a mess.

When my grandfather died this year, I had no plans on attending the funeral since he had treated me so cruelly when I needed him the most just a few years before. However, my mom really wanted to attend "for closure," or so she said, so I accompanied her.

My mom insisted on being the first one at the funeral - more than an hour early - and plopped herself down in the 2nd row. She was livid that there were no photos of us in the funeral home (we were also left off of the obituary) and had no shame about ranting about it to family members she hadn't seen in decades.

When my uncle arrived, he threw a huge fit and tried to get my mom thrown out. The funeral home said it was a public place so they couldn't do it, so either he or his wife kept approaching us to try to force us to leave. It was a huge scene. Finally, I was able to convince my mom to move toward the back of the room but it was quite the ordeal. My mom and uncle turned the entire funeral into a power play.

Narcissists in action, man. It's unbelievable.
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Old 10-27-2016, 01:48 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,015,271 times
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My father's---he passed from a sudden heart attack. People kept asking if there was an autopsy? Guess I should have printed out copies for all the ghouls
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Old 10-27-2016, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,125 posts, read 3,636,143 times
Reputation: 13519
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
I forgot about the Baptist eulogy. Always about h5ll and darn-nation. Yup the minister does shout..like you...I giggled terribly when he told the ladies to sit in the back as the front seats were reserved for the men of the congregation. I looked at the minister and said, sorry ladies are equal in God's eyes..maybe you can get yours checked...cuz I see ugly in that remark of yours.

I agree the kids didn't need to hear that from a preacher..
Wow, that was even more rotten than the preacher at the funeral I attended. Good for you for speaking up. I'll bet he was shocked. LOL

Was this years ago, or are thing like this even now? If it is, I can't imagine many people staying with the Baptist religion. It sounds too much like the moslums with men in the front and women in the back. Such nonsense!
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Old 10-27-2016, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Virginia
3,462 posts, read 1,642,859 times
Reputation: 9263
The worst I remember was for a 14 year old girl who died in an auto accident along with 2 of her friends - the only one who didn't die was the driver of the car. My husband and oldest stepson were the first responders to the scene, as it was close to our house. It turned out that the girl was the youngest daughter of the woman who co-owned the local airport where my husband hangared his Cessna. The funeral was awful, as all of the young girl's teenage friends were there and the poor parents were having to console them. I really don't know how they managed to make it through the visitation and the service - I would have been a total basket case. All of this was caused by a tomato thrown at a car, followed by a 70 mph car chase over windy back roads terminating at a large tree.
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