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Old 10-27-2016, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Mt Shasta , Ca.
1,809 posts, read 1,246,569 times
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My condolences as well to ANYONE here who has lost a child .

1. One was one I was not allowed to go to . A friend of mine and I had our babies the same week in spring of 1986 . I had a boy and she had the girl she always wanted making her family what she thought would be complete . When the children were maybe 4 months old her precious little daughter died from SIDS. I have bad anxiety anyway and no one wanted to tell me but they did and yes if I didn't live 2500 miles from him I'd still be hanging onto him today and I had to stay home and my husband went I was in terrible shape just hearing about it , but ... at the funeral they brought poor T in , sopping wet from the family trying to get her into the shower and cleaned , she was heavily sedated . They took her to the casket and she stood there for a moment very quiet then looked up and wailed at god screaming at him to PLEASE wake her up I cannot live without her . Then took her OUT of the casket and tried to run away with her but was so sedated she fell down with her . My husband and my cousins by marriage told me people were either screaming or crying . Or both .. awful . I have never seen her again either. She moved away .

2. My beloved OB-GYN a dapper Englishman who shot himself when I was 8.5 months pregnant and had been my friend and Dr really for everything for 15 years . We all got shuffled to different Dr's and my Dr. was not amused about his new patient load or me grieving the loss of my friend and caregiver of many years . I ended up having that child in the front seat of a pick up on a dark country road, my ex husband delivered and got us to the hosp and a resident helped with the rest with a nurse midwife and I then went to a PP for my check and got a new Dr. My grieving on top of being VERY pregnant was like some kind of joke to this guy .


3. Stanley in the Corn.
I went to a homegoing ( yes I live in Seattle but am from the south ) . My high school friend Stanley worked in a grain mill where my ex husband was foreman . Stanley was usually homeless and had problems making good decisions due to an accident he had when he was a child.. a car ran over his HEAD and he lived - that time - and I didn't see him for decades until he took that job . One day a truck pulled up with a load of corn and as usual Joe turned on the elevator and the corn started to flow out of the truck into the bin then up the elevator to another predetermined bin. My husband and Joe and the owner of the mill had reminded Stanley many times not to go in if anything fell in but to turn it off . You all know what happened . A wrench fell in Stanley tried to go for it. Joe yelled NO and he fell into Idk how many tons of corn swirling Joe had hold of his hand trying to yell for the truck driver or my husband who was with the driver doing paperwork and the noise so loud no one could hear . Stanley was begging him not to let him die then he went under , Joe got down at a normal pace in shock and casually told my husband what was going on . My husband nearly fainted . turned off the elevator and began to dig . Truck driver went and got owner they were all digging until they found him. It was too late . I was so sad at Stanley's whole life that I cried for 2 weeks straight including his funeral. I could NOT STOP. The director asked me how he looked and I guess I was not thinking straight - I was VERY distraught and for some reason said yes Stanley is cleaner than I have ever seen him and he looks exactly like Sammy Davis Jr. ( he really did ) The director was THRILLED . I couldn't believe I said it . The pastor of that little church and Stanley's sister consoled US ( me , my husband, Joe and the VERY sad mill owner ) ,that it was just a bad accident and Stanley's time to go home .. Very kind people .

I love you Stanley , I'm sorry .

Joe's funeral was a few years later he drank himself to death . That elevator has killed so many people in it's 80 years you, can feel a terrible heaviness in that air there .

Last edited by DutchessCottonPuff; 10-27-2016 at 06:55 PM..
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Old 10-27-2016, 07:17 PM
 
5,165 posts, read 2,398,763 times
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I've been pondering why anyone would ask this question...are you... curious...bored...morbid...a voyeur...doing research for a paper?

However, I've read the responses & can see that this is therapeutic for some, & maybe the only avenue open to share.

So here are mine, not necessarily in order:



My father. I did it for my sister.

My sister.
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Old 10-27-2016, 07:48 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,149 posts, read 3,649,847 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ipaper View Post
I saw what it did to my mother when my brother died at age 19. He was the oldest child and wasn't even sick or anything. My mother was sick for a long time after that, her nerves were gone. She lost weight and wouldn't eat hardly, plus she lost patches of hair.
What a sad thing to lose your brother so young. I don't think any mother is ok after losing a child. Very hard for you to both lose your brother and have to worry about your mother's state of mind. Just sad all around.
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Old 10-28-2016, 02:14 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,530 posts, read 11,510,517 times
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Losing a child must be the worst thing to happen to any parent.. About twenty years ago I was at a family funeral of a young woman who was murdered, her body wasnt given back to the family for almost a year, it was very tragic..... but this woman was a lost soul... always in trouble with drinking too much and she had run off leaving her young children with her mother.. She was found in an old churchyard in London..she had been strangled.... Now, no one cared about this girl.. she had problems from her past and was considered a bit of a bad seed or black sheep.. I always found her lovely but she had lost her way in life sadly... To get to the point.... when we reached the crematorium it was standing room only .. and I thought... where were all these people when the woman needed help... but now it looked like a big show by all these people who I thought probably didnt even know her or care about her... It was the circumstance of her death that had brought them all out like ghouls.. They caught the man who murdered her, he had strangled her for a cheap watch and 3. 50... all she had in the world.. I found her funeral distasteful with all the fake people crowded in there apart from her immediate family who were distraught with grief..
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Old 10-28-2016, 06:17 AM
 
4,914 posts, read 5,532,518 times
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I dont attend funerals. I think its an outdated pastime and morbid!

I never understood the point of staring at a dead corpse. That is NOT the last image of the person that I want burned into my mind.
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Old 10-28-2016, 06:53 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,585 posts, read 4,793,203 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by louie0406 View Post
I dont attend funerals. I think its an outdated pastime and morbid!

I never understood the point of staring at a dead corpse. That is NOT the last image of the person that I want burned into my mind.
It's not a pastime. Nobody goes to a funeral to stare at a corpse. I have no corpse images burned into my mind and I have been to many funerals.
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Old 10-28-2016, 08:55 AM
 
3,279 posts, read 3,763,606 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by louie0406 View Post
I dont attend funerals. I think its an outdated pastime and morbid!

I never understood the point of staring at a dead corpse. That is NOT the last image of the person that I want burned into my mind.
The custom I don't understand--funeral processions, and pulling over for them "out of respect." I'm in the south and it's a custom, but I don't do it--I don't wreck up anything, I don't "break in line," but if I see one coming I get away from it before I'm "caught up in the mess."

I'm supposed to interrupt my life and pull over in the middle of a work commute because someone I didn't know died? I'm sorry, but I didn't know the person and I'm on the way to work, and especially in larger cities someone dies everyday, I can't possibly pull over for every one of them and it would lose any meaning it MIGHT have if I were to do so. If I want to show "respect," I'll attend the actual funeral and/or stop by the home of the family. Heck, my mother is 75 years old, and when she dies of course I'll be sad, but that doesn't give me the right to impose on strangers in the middle of their work commute, and I imagine what I will appreciate are the people who attended the funeral and/or stopped-by/called to see me in person and offer their sympathies. I could care less about strangers stopping their work commute, life goes on.
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Old 10-28-2016, 03:02 PM
 
Location: Mt Shasta , Ca.
1,809 posts, read 1,246,569 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguylh View Post
The custom I don't understand--funeral processions, and pulling over for them "out of respect." I'm in the south and it's a custom, but I don't do it--I don't wreck up anything, I don't "break in line," but if I see one coming I get away from it before I'm "caught up in the mess."

I'm supposed to interrupt my life and pull over in the middle of a work commute because someone I didn't know died? I'm sorry, but I didn't know the person and I'm on the way to work, and especially in larger cities someone dies everyday, I can't possibly pull over for every one of them and it would lose any meaning it MIGHT have if I were to do so. If I want to show "respect," I'll attend the actual funeral and/or stop by the home of the family. Heck, my mother is 75 years old, and when she dies of course I'll be sad, but that doesn't give me the right to impose on strangers in the middle of their work commute, and I imagine what I will appreciate are the people who attended the funeral and/or stopped-by/called to see me in person and offer their sympathies. I could care less about strangers stopping their work commute, life goes on.
I'm originally from the south too .
It's called respect .

We are all aware life goes on but its probably good that you get out of the way like you said .
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Old 10-29-2016, 09:17 AM
 
3,279 posts, read 3,763,606 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DutchessCottonPuff View Post
I'm originally from the south too .
It's called respect .

We are all aware life goes on but its probably good that you get out of the way like you said .
To me it's called "imposing on people you don't know and who didn't know the person who passed on." For me I get to decide what I think is respectful, not other people around me, especially when it's my time being imposed upon. To impose on someone else is selfish.

On the road, I care about one thing--getting where I'm going, nothing else. I don't care about the deficit, I don't care about Suzy with cancer, I don't care about the homeless, I don't care about a child in Haiti who died during Hurricane Mathew a month ago, I care about one thing--getting where I'm going. Anything and i mean ANYTHING that interferes with that, get it out of my way so I can go. Don't impose on MY time like that. (The one exception is ratrunning, that is, if I live on a back secluded road designed to be away from traffic I think it's reasonable to expect that only people who LIVE on that road should be there, if you don't live there and drive there and gripe about the kids playing on their bicycles, TOUGH, stay off the secluded roads and stick to the 4-lane highways.) I can always attend the funeral, off the road and out of the way.
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Old 10-29-2016, 09:30 AM
 
32,011 posts, read 17,278,098 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguylh View Post
To me it's called "imposing on people you don't know and who didn't know the person who passed on." For me I get to decide what I think is respectful, not other people around me, especially when it's my time being imposed upon. To impose on someone else is selfish.

On the road, I care about one thing--getting where I'm going, nothing else. I don't care about the deficit, I don't care about Suzy with cancer, I don't care about the homeless, I don't care about a child in Haiti who died during Hurricane Mathew a month ago, I care about one thing--getting where I'm going. Anything and i mean ANYTHING that interferes with that, get it out of my way so I can go. Don't impose on MY time like that. (The one exception is ratrunning, that is, if I live on a back secluded road designed to be away from traffic I think it's reasonable to expect that only people who LIVE on that road should be there, if you don't live there and drive there and gripe about the kids playing on their bicycles, TOUGH, stay off the secluded roads and stick to the 4-lane highways.) I can always attend the funeral, off the road and out of the way.
The second paragraph has nothing to do with the OP's question. We get it, it's all about you.
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