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Old 10-29-2016, 09:49 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,512 posts, read 11,495,704 times
Reputation: 21008

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Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguylh View Post
To me it's called "imposing on people you don't know and who didn't know the person who passed on." For me I get to decide what I think is respectful, not other people around me, especially when it's my time being imposed upon. To impose on someone else is selfish.

On the road, I care about one thing--getting where I'm going, nothing else. I don't care about the deficit, I don't care about Suzy with cancer, I don't care about the homeless, I don't care about a child in Haiti who died during Hurricane Mathew a month ago, I care about one thing--getting where I'm going. Anything and i mean ANYTHING that interferes with that, get it out of my way so I can go. Don't impose on MY time like that. (The one exception is ratrunning, that is, if I live on a back secluded road designed to be away from traffic I think it's reasonable to expect that only people who LIVE on that road should be there, if you don't live there and drive there and gripe about the kids playing on their bicycles, TOUGH, stay off the secluded roads and stick to the 4-lane highways.) I can always attend the funeral, off the road and out of the way.
what a sad person you are... take a look at what you typed..
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Old 10-29-2016, 09:59 AM
 
5,165 posts, read 2,395,591 times
Reputation: 8193
Quote:
Originally Posted by shyguylh View Post
To me it's called "imposing on people you don't know and who didn't know the person who passed on." For me I get to decide what I think is respectful, not other people around me, especially when it's my time being imposed upon. To impose on someone else is selfish.

On the road, I care about one thing--getting where I'm going, nothing else. I don't care about the deficit, I don't care about Suzy with cancer, I don't care about the homeless, I don't care about a child in Haiti who died during Hurricane Mathew a month ago, I care about one thing--getting where I'm going. Anything and i mean ANYTHING that interferes with that, get it out of my way so I can go. Don't impose on MY time like that. (The one exception is ratrunning, that is, if I live on a back secluded road designed to be away from traffic I think it's reasonable to expect that only people who LIVE on that road should be there, if you don't live there and drive there and gripe about the kids playing on their bicycles, TOUGH, stay off the secluded roads and stick to the 4-lane highways.) I can always attend the funeral, off the road and out of the way.

I can't even imagine what your life is like, or why you participate in this forum.
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Old 10-29-2016, 11:58 AM
 
3,279 posts, read 3,759,909 times
Reputation: 6149
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarciaMarshaMarcia View Post
I can't even imagine what your life is like, or why you participate in this forum.
Well maybe I shouldn't have. The one guy was questioning the wisdom of the custom of having funerals at all, I was going down that particular rabbit hole. Maybe both of us could have held back.
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Old 10-30-2016, 11:42 AM
 
Location: 76102
3,207 posts, read 1,488,209 times
Reputation: 9581
My father's. I did not cry and was roundly critized for it. He was out of pain and I wanted that for him. He was in a nursing home for four years and he was finally free. No tears from me.
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Old 10-30-2016, 10:15 PM
 
3,279 posts, read 3,759,909 times
Reputation: 6149
Quote:
Originally Posted by mschrief View Post
My father's. I did not cry and was roundly critized for it. He was out of pain and I wanted that for him. He was in a nursing home for four years and he was finally free. No tears from me.
Shame on them. Everyone grieves in their own way. Who's to say you didn't break out crying when the news broke and thus by the time the funeral came around you had already gotten it out of your system? I know a woman whose 30-odd year old son died in military action, when I saw her at the funeral she was putting on a strong front the entire time, such was her way, yet I'm told that when the phone rung with the news she was hysterical. No one is obligated to "put on a show" for the sake of others.

My father, when he died, his sister (my aunt) who was close to him, she almost felt a sense of relief because she was doing a lot in terms of taking care of him (asking questions of the nursing staff etc to understand what they were doing and why) and seeing to it that things were going well, and at the same time she was having back pain but was putting off taking care of it, with his death and her no longer having to do all of those things she could take care of her issues.

Believe me, she loved my father-her brother, I have known her all my life and she had always been a really good sister to him. In fact, when our parents divorced, him being the one who left, he shouldered a lot of the blame for it and she was really big on reminding us that in spite of it all he did love us and that these things are hardly ever one-sided, and to not just write him off and ignore him. She was always advocating for him. There is NO WAY she was anything but sad at his being gone, it's just that at that time she did feel some sense of relief, she couldn't help but feel as such.
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Old 11-01-2016, 02:06 PM
 
7 posts, read 4,260 times
Reputation: 10
My friends , his brother was arrested for Gbh at the funeral.
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Old 11-03-2016, 06:02 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18824
My husband's. The head of the VA, in Bourne, Massachusetts, let my husband stay on ice for 7 months after he died making the funeral home and me resubmit paperwork after paperwork. Why?? Haven't a clue. Never got a reason or explanation because the a-hole didn't need to provide either. He is the law of the VA down the Cape and what he says or does is law. I couldn't do anything to help hubby or myself. I was too, too deep in grief. The older peeps here could attest to that. They saw.

So from Jan. 12, 2012 to July something, he laid on ice. IDK even what day his remains were interred. No one, not even his father or sister cared by then to join me. I sat alone on a bench while TAPS played. Got the flag, gave the box a kiss and drove back home.

THAT was the most horrendous funeral I have been to.
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Old 12-23-2016, 09:05 AM
 
32 posts, read 27,175 times
Reputation: 58
No one but me turned up?
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Old 12-23-2016, 12:21 PM
 
529 posts, read 389,910 times
Reputation: 1424
The worst funeral I ever went to was the first one I ever went to. I was 16 years old and it was a funeral for five people murdered by a family member in a very high profile case. That's all the detail I'm going to go into, you either know about it or can look it up. I was casually friends with one of the people. To have your first funeral be FIVE caskets in the front of the church, with mobs of TV reporters and cameras in front of the church, and a clergyman trying to tell everyone why what happened makes sense in some theological kind of way and thinking it comforted anyone, warped me on both religion and funerals for life.

When my mother died, she had no friends and it was just my sister and brother-in-law, my husband and me, in a cold, rainy cemetery burial in December.

When my husband died, he hated funerals so much after being warped for life from his mother's five-day wake when he was 12, I didn't have any kind of a service. People wanted to go to something so I threw a party at a local pub. It's what he would have wanted.
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Old 12-26-2016, 02:01 AM
 
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA
1,195 posts, read 2,122,494 times
Reputation: 1831
Default My Son's



i was barely holding it together as it was.
unexpected death of a 28 year old child.
drama from his father's side.
financial inability to pay for what needed to be paid for.
i actually didn't need the funeral service itself.

i was there after my son was autopsied
so i could give him his last bath
we witnessed his cremation
i was allowed to do every thing at the cremation
and for me, that was enough
it was all the ceremony i needed
i was checked out by the funeral,
which was 8 days after he died

it was a mess
i don't know how people orchestrate such lovely and elaborate funerals -
that seem so organised and put together
his was terrible
physically painful to endure

it is so much work
so much to figure out
all whilst grieving the worse loss imaginable.



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