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My mother's funeral. One of her preacher cousins performed the service. He didn't even know my name (I was called "the daughter") and he went into preaching mode after talking maybe a couple of minutes about her. My dad told me later that it took everything in him to sit quietly as long as he did and if it had gone on for another minute, he was going to stand up and make a scene.
In retrospect I would have changed her service a lot, but she died suddenly and unexpectedly so there were absolutely no plans or wishes of hers to follow and my dad and I were rather shocked so we just went with what was the most logical.
At my mums the minister mentioned my four children her grandchildren and her only remaining sister and forgot me.. I sat there stunned.. I was her only daughter, but then the minister didnt know us were no church goers so not really his fault..
When my husbands grandfather died his family arranged for a holy roller preacher to give us all a sermon and one of his lines was about passing being a graduation. I was sitting with John's granny from the other side of the family. She kept saying "What a bunch of hooey." Then she leaned over and asked me if I was anxious to graduate? OMG I lost it. I couldn't stop laughing. I loved her and when she passed it was one of the many horrible funerals in my life.
The suicide was very traumatic because I saw it coming and couldn't convince anyone else that he was in trouble. He was only in his 40's. June 11th is a hard day. It's a good friends birthday and the day of the suicide. It's also the day John's sister died.
Two come to mind....one for a coworkers dad...they had him laid out at the cheapest creepiest funeral home and they had money. Just about all the relatives were bombed because they had booze in the basement. ..A few years later the law closed the place down for things they did with remains. ...
Sometimes tradition or church dictates which mortuary you use. For example, in my hometown, Catholics tend to favor one funeral home not only because its close to the church but because it is owned by a parishioner who advertises in the bulletin and is active in the community. For awhile, his place became a little bit tired and shabby, (he eventually did renovate) and he lost business to the other big one in town.
Unfortunately, the director there (the one that was known as the "Nice" funeral home) got into trouble after she accidentally switched the ashes of two people, then tried to cover it up. One family buried the ashes, none the wiser, but the other noticed the metal name-tag in the urn was wrong after scattering the ashes in a lake. So the director goes to the county and gets some unclaimed/unidentified ashes, and makes a new tag at the hardware store, and replaces the families ashes apologizing for the mixup, claiming that THESE were the real ashes. Upon hearing that authorities were looking into it, she goes to the cemetery where the real ashes were buried under a different name and pretending to leave flowers, digs up the ashes and takes the nametag.
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Originally Posted by VTsnowbird
I guess the opposite of the Baptist hellfire sermons would be the Catholic ones, like my dad's. He had not been to church in 20 years (big no-no for Catholics) but the priest was sure he was up in Heaven in Jesus's arms, to hear him tell it.
I am not a big believer in wakes/funerals, as my sister-in-law says, "People don't come and look at me while I am sleeping, why should they do it when I am dead?"
If he had his last rites, lots of Catholics might feel differently. And in any case, I think that's a bit more comforting than the other options.
On to the original subject, I dislike the more free form "Celebrations of Life." I love the term and the idea, but the ones I have been to have taken way too long. i understand that that may sound mean, but my close friend passed and they invited anyone and everyone to speak. Each side of the family had something to say, her poor mother talked at length, each group of her friends all said something, her widower talked, her boss talked...Everyone that she touched felt obligated to share something.
At my mums the minister mentioned my four children her grandchildren and her only remaining sister and forgot me.. I sat there stunned.. I was her only daughter, but then the minister didnt know us were no church goers so not really his fault..
I don't think the minister in your case should be excused either unless he was just provided poor information. Otherwise it should be their duty to make sure they have all the correct information.
In my case, the person performing the service was a relative of mine and was standing by plenty of times prior to the service to hear my name (in case he forgot it). He knew my dad's name, so it sounded really awkward (and insulting) when he'd say "Joe and the daughter."
That whole thing was a nightmare anyway because I was incredibly close to my mother. Having her final service turn out that way just made things worse.
My grandfather's - he was not exactly Mr. Faithful during his marriage to my grandmother and a couple of his girlfriends showed up. When one them (supposedly paying her respects) bent over the coffin to kiss his cheek, the other girlfriend shoved her out of the way, and both of them began pushing each other and swearing loudly. My grandmother ended up being the one to separate them. A total disgraceful display.
so awful to lose a child.. its not the way it should happen...
I saw what it did to my mother when my brother died at age 19. He was the oldest child and wasn't even sick or anything. My mother was sick for a long time after that, her nerves were gone. She lost weight and wouldn't eat hardly, plus she lost patches of hair.
The tackiest one I went to was my aunt's. She went to a big megachurch and not only did they broadcast that there was funeral with her name on the message center, but the pastor who presided just tried to convert us.
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