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Since then, I have been feeling -- how to describe this? -- a sort of bright "presence" alongside me, urging me on, telling me that DH needs my help.
Last night I shared this information with DH for the first time. It upset him. He said he didn't feel her at all. I'm not surprised. I have thought for some time he has some mind-blindness.
The presence has dimmed slightly recently as we have finally begun to wind up her affairs. If I believed in the supernatural, I would say she was worried we might never get started -- and that would be a valid concern. She knew us that well, at least.
Being (hopefully) rational and (definitely) science-based, I think it is all a construct of my mind. But a comforting one, nevertheless, and a useful one, too.
My grandmother was a lifelong Methodist, as were her parents. As far as I knew, she didn't even know anyone personally who was Catholic. She and I were incredibly close.
I was in the process of converting to Catholicism when she became terminally ill and passed away. We had several discussions about this and she was fine with it but not overly curious. She was just totally cool with it and supportive.
My dad keeps everything. EVERYTHING. Neatly filed and put away. He even has my childhood shot records and little awards, whatever, that I've accrued over the years, all in a neat file in his office (same with my brothers). So I needed my baptismal certificate from him. He was opposed to me converting, so he was being horsey about it. I was getting nowhere.
My grandmother passed, and my dad and I were packing up her things. Now - she didn't have a whole lot of stuff, and what she did have, we had helped her move just a couple of years earlier. I swear, we had both been through every single box, drawer, etc.
I was up in her attic handing boxes down to my dad, and I said, "Dad, listen - I really need my baptismal certificate, and I know you have it." He huffed around and said, "Well, yeah, I've got it. I've got it in a file at my office. We'll see."
A minute later - I mean literally less than 60 seconds later, I was about to hand a box down to my dad, but something urged me to open it. I did so, and lo and behold - laying unwrapped on top of various little household items, was a beautiful porcelain statuette of the Virgin Mary. I had never seen this before, and I thought I'd seen and touched every single thing my grandmother owned. I took it out and said, "Dad - where did this come from? Have you ever seen it before?" He said, "Nope. Never. Where did you get that?" "It was in this box," I said, as I looked down inside the box.
Guess what had been laying right below Mary? You guessed it - there was my baptismal certificate.
I said, "Dad - hey, don't worry about getting me that baptismal certificate - I've got it right here."
Wow, was he ever flummoxed. He kept saying, "How did that get there? I know I had it at my office."
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