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My Dad passed away a week ago. He was 87, and went into the hospital a week earlier from a small heart attack.
He had up and down days while in the hospital. The best day being the day before he died. We were all at the hospital from late morning to early afternoon. Knew the time was coming soon, but ?????? He passed about an hour after we all left.
Long time back, I stayed in my grandfathers room all night with the hospice nurse. New nurse arrived for the day shift. She said to call my father, and that it was most likely going to be very soon. Called him, went back to his room and he had passed.
When I saw the title of this thread I thought it was about leaving the room to pass gas.
At any rate, both my mother and DW's mother died shortly after we left their rooms. I thought it was because mom was paying attention to us and when we weren't there she sort of relaxed, dozed off, and just never woke up. I don't really think she thought, OK, time to die now that they are gone.
A little opposite but I do believe in some people the dying person chooses the moment to go.
My Dad showed amazing will not to go even though by any measure he should have passed. Finally my Mom held his hand and said it was alright to go if that is what he wanted, that she would be all right. My Dad immediately looked at his wife of 56 years and passed away.
Either he was waiting for permission or did not want to leave her but knowing she would be all right gave him the peace he needed to die. Either way he died looking into the face of his beloved wife and that seems right to me.
Kay, I'm very sorry for your loss. I guess Christmas is going to be a tough holiday for both of us.
Actually Christmas wasn't bad. Mercifully, I was so numb and out of it I kept forgetting it was Christmas, I certainly wasn't doing anything to remember.
We used to decorate the house inside and out, plan the meal have a Christmas party, sneak into different parts of the house to wrap each other's presents or construct "forts" in the living room to do it so we could stay together.
None of that happened so it felt like just another day. I may not be that lucky next year...
I'm reviving this old thread (I originally posted on page 1) to say that it happened again...
My father-in-law had pancreatic cancer and on Saturday, was placed on a respirator in ICU. All Sunday, family and friends were there with him. Monday, the same. When I came later yesterday afternoon, my mother-in-law told me she'd been talking to him, even though he was heavily sedated and unconscious. She told him she loved him, but released him, and it was all right for him to go.
We also discussed, standing next to the bed, whether or not she should give the order to remove the respirator. The doctors were saying it was the right thing to do; my mother-in-law was really struggling with it. She knew she would feel guilty and prayed God would just take him without her having to make that decision. We decided not to do anything but to leave the question until the next day.
My husband was the last person with him last night. Around 9 pm, the nurse told him that his father's vital signs were stable and it didn't look like anything significant would happen that night. So he came home. At 1:30 am, we got the call from the hospital. My father-in-law had passed away.
It's impossible for us to say, but it would be easy to believe that somehow, my father-in-law heard us and chose not to hang on to life any longer, to spare his wife the need to make such a difficult decision, and also to go quietly when no one was there.
I believe they can choose the time. My dad had lung cancer and was in the hospital and in spite of a dnr, was put on ventilator. He managed to wighle ubdercwrist restraints and pull it out. I was across the country when i got the call. He hung on until i was there with mom. He didnt want her to be alone when he passed.
My mom died 2 weeks ago of renal failure. I stayed with her in the hospital for s month, and then slept at the foot of her bed on an air mattress for 2cweeks when i brought her home ibto hospice. My brother, sister in law and i all stayed with her. I gad been in her room, telling her it was ok to go, that dad and 2 of my brothers were there waiting for her, and that i loved her, and would look after my other brother. I went out of the room forca few minutes, and a grey oval cloud was over the house. Then there were 2 claps of thunder and my brothers dog ran out on the patio with me. I went inside and gave him a melatonin pill, and 2 min later my brother came out and said "I think mom's gone" She was. I think she waited until she was alone to go. People around, aeem to keep people grounded here. They need to be able to let go.
I truly velieve that no one dies alone. Their lived ones who passed on previously are there to meet them.
My Father in Law did this. I never met him because he died before I met my DH. He was in a nursing home at this point because of severe diabetic complications and amputations. The day he died my MIL went to see him he was acting strange, he was talking nasty to her and wanted her to leave. after 1/2 hour she did. Soon as she got home she got the call that he passed away. He did not want to die in front of her. On the day my dad passed my mom knew something wasn't right that day. She chose to come home from work early, and my dad was worried her boss would get mad. She said it was fine and did not care. He begged her to go back to work but she refused. Long story short after my mom helped my dad take a shower, he died in her arms. He did not want her to be there when he died but she was glad she was there to say one more last goodbye.
A little opposite but I do believe in some people the dying person chooses the moment to go.
My Dad showed amazing will not to go even though by any measure he should have passed. Finally my Mom held his hand and said it was alright to go if that is what he wanted, that she would be all right. My Dad immediately looked at his wife of 56 years and passed away.
Either he was waiting for permission or did not want to leave her but knowing she would be all right gave him the peace he needed to die. Either way he died looking into the face of his beloved wife and that seems right to me.
No doubt to me he chose that moment to let go
Former ICU and CCU R.N. here. We nurses frequently encouraged relatives of patients, similar to the person's situation above, to provide permission to their loved ones to move on. Astonishing number of patient's who achieved almost instant peace and death were noted.
I gave my husband permission to go one night at Hospice and he shook his head and said "nnnnn, nnnnn." I had to snicker when he did that. Then the next day when I told him they wouldn't help him to the john and told him he had to poop in the diaper and his shoulders and head just dropped, I knew he would die that night. He did.
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