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Old 09-25-2018, 05:11 AM
 
Location: Pie shape
5,693 posts, read 8,274,867 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
I gave my husband permission to go one night at Hospice and he shook his head and said "nnnnn, nnnnn." I had to snicker when he did that. Then the next day when I told him they wouldn't help him to the john and told him he had to poop in the diaper and his shoulders and head just dropped, I knew he would die that night. He did.
Oh wow. Though it didn't happen that same night as in your case - the same exact thing was what really seemed to bring about the rapid end for my mother. She didn't want to wear the diaper, so they told her to go on the pad, and she wanted to get to the bathroom anyway. When they put the alarm on her bed she was pretty much outa there.
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Old 09-25-2018, 09:43 AM
 
Location: SWFL
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NM posts View Post
Oh wow. Though it didn't happen that same night as in your case - the same exact thing was what really seemed to bring about the rapid end for my mother. She didn't want to wear the diaper, so they told her to go on the pad, and she wanted to get to the bathroom anyway. When they put the alarm on her bed she was pretty much outa there.
Sorry to hear that, NM. I think if a person who has their facilities still there, that is so degrading that they lose their will to live.
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Old 09-25-2018, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Pie shape
5,693 posts, read 8,274,867 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Sorry to hear that, NM. I think if a person who has their facilities still there, that is so degrading that they lose their will to live.
Yes, that's exactly what I thought in regards to my mother. She fought it all right until that moment, and then that was it. I'm so sorry for your loss and that your husband had that experience too. I know it's how it has to be, but I just felt awful for her.
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Old 09-25-2018, 12:52 PM
 
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The people I have been with when they were ready to die seem to be moving between two places, sometimes with me and sometimes somewhere else. Not just sleeping or in a coma but someplace in their mind or something I can't explain.

I think when there are people in the room it makes it more difficult for them to be in that other place - the place they go to die.
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Old 09-25-2018, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Pie shape
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Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
The people I have been with when they were ready to die seem to be moving between two places, sometimes with me and sometimes somewhere else. Not just sleeping or in a coma but someplace in their mind or something I can't explain.

I think when there are people in the room it makes it more difficult for them to be in that other place - the place they go to die.
A few times my mother seemed to come out of that place and be very startled to be in the hospice room. Once she asked if she was supposed to be there (the hospice room).
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Old 09-26-2018, 06:39 AM
 
Location: Planet Woof
2,942 posts, read 3,176,746 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar View Post
The people I have been with when they were ready to die seem to be moving between two places, sometimes with me and sometimes somewhere else. Not just sleeping or in a coma but someplace in their mind or something I can't explain.

I think when there are people in the room it makes it more difficult for them to be in that other place - the place they go to die.
This is a perfect description of how I knew that my partner was preparing to go. Mostly I saw it in her eyes. It was like she was withdrawing and focusing within. There was one particular moment that I knew it would be very soon. I will never forget that image of her eyes and the blank sadness there. She passed within a few days and it happened during a brief time that I was not with her. I know she was ready to go and I felt her peaceful spirit around me almost immediately.
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Old 09-26-2018, 09:29 AM
 
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Yes, a withdrawing. That's a good word for it.

In the people I've been with I think it also came with visions or hallucinations. Sometimes they seemed to be talking to or in the presence of other people from their lives.
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Old 09-26-2018, 10:50 AM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,975 posts, read 1,757,076 times
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Originally Posted by Spottednikes View Post
I believe they can choose the time. My dad had lung cancer and was in the hospital and in spite of a dnr, was put on ventilator. He managed to wighle ubdercwrist restraints and pull it out. I was across the country when i got the call. He hung on until i was there with mom. He didnt want her to be alone when he passed.
My mom died 2 weeks ago of renal failure. I stayed with her in the hospital for s month, and then slept at the foot of her bed on an air mattress for 2cweeks when i brought her home ibto hospice. My brother, sister in law and i all stayed with her. I gad been in her room, telling her it was ok to go, that dad and 2 of my brothers were there waiting for her, and that i loved her, and would look after my other brother. I went out of the room forca few minutes, and a grey oval cloud was over the house. Then there were 2 claps of thunder and my brothers dog ran out on the patio with me. I went inside and gave him a melatonin pill, and 2 min later my brother came out and said "I think mom's gone" She was. I think she waited until she was alone to go. People around, aeem to keep people grounded here. They need to be able to let go.
I truly velieve that no one dies alone. Their lived ones who passed on previously are there to meet them.
My mom used to talk about when her great-aunt, who was like a grandmother to her, died at home. She said she had been mostly unresponsive until a few minutes before she died, when she opened her eyes, looked up & got a huge smile on her face. There were a lot of family members present & they were asking her; “What is it, Yiayia? What are you looking at?”

She answered; “It’s Mamma ... & Thea; don’t you see?” Then her eyes closed & she died. My mom always told me she was not afraid of dying because she believed wholeheartedly, that someone would be waiting for her, too.

My mom died in March of 2017, when my dad was on his way to pick her up from rehab. I ran to the facility with my then 12 year old who is severely autistic. It was traumatic; my dad was sobbing in a chair, the EMS & fire department were milling around & my son walks over to my mom’s body, put his hands on her chest & said “You gave me jellybeans. I will see you again, after I die” (No, he’s never been taught that, he was nonverbal until age 8).

Out in the hallway he asked “Who are the other grandmas?” & since his dad’s mom passed away several years prior; I thought he meant “Do I have any more grandmas?”, so I answered “No, there aren’t any more grandmas”.

He turned to look towards my mom’s room & quietly & slowly said: “No ... There were two other grandmas with Grandma, in that room”.
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Old 09-27-2018, 10:28 PM
 
5,117 posts, read 2,975,614 times
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Interesting, isn't it?

I suppose you can explain away hallucinations from the dying one but when your son spoke. . .

Mom was pretty rational most of the time when she was dying and she told me one day that "a little Mexican woman" came and stood in the corner by her bed every night. Wonder who that was.

On the other hand my poor dad was plagued by the fact that "they put me down in the basement by the furnace every night."

I stayed in his hospice room with him for nine days and was ill-prepared to take care of my self. On the ninth day I left to clean up and get some clean clothes and an hour after I left he moved on.

It was my birthday. I felt so badly that he died on my birthday. What rotten luck. But after thinking about it for a while I came to the conclusion that he waited to spend a little time with me on my birthday before leaving. At least that's how I like to think of it now.
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Old Today, 10:18 PM
 
Location: Somewhere between chaos and confusion
280 posts, read 150,762 times
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My dad and I were never close. But, when he was at the end, he waited until I flew down and arrived at the house. Once I was there, within a couple of hours he passed, with his wife and my two step brothers around him. I don’t think he would have liked dying alone.
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