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Old 11-01-2016, 03:43 AM
 
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Hello,
This seems to be pretty common, and I was just reading a post ("he's gone") about people that seem to wait until their loved one(s) are gone to pass. Is there any explanation? Both my grandmothers were like that.


We sat with her for a few hours and then shortly (like an hour) after we left her room, she was gone. Same situation for both. Can people really "choose" when to die...more or less?




Thoughts?
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Old 11-01-2016, 07:13 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
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I feel that the moment of death, and preparing for that moment if one is conscious, is not only emotionally intense, it can also be a very private moment.

My dad's mom waited till everyone was out of her room - at 3 am - after nearly round the clock attention for the eleven days she lingered between life and death at hospice.

My dad passed away a few days ago and we had everyone here (he was also at hospice), and everyone got to say what they wanted to say. He waited till his son could get off work and drive 15 hours to be here, and of course we were back and forth in the room with various close family members around. Though we were all in the next room and in and out of his room, we made sure he had little pockets of time alone. He ended up with about 10 minutes alone - and that's when he passed. We walked back into the room and he was gone.

Thankfully, we had already been prepared emotionally for that possibility so we knew not to beat ourselves up for "allowing him to die all alone." I think he wanted it that way and we gave him the space to be alone at that moment. No regrets.
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Old 11-01-2016, 12:40 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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I suspect that at least some dying people are able to control when they die. My aunt had at least one or two (sometimes, many) of her children and grandchildren with her round the clock for the last week of her life and the doctors and nurses felt that my aunt would pass "at any time". My aunt was either in a coma or unresponsive during her last few days.

Finally, a nurse convinced my cousin, who was the only relative present at that time, to "stretch her legs in the hallway & get some coffee in the cafeteria" as she had been at her mother's bedside for many, many hours straight. My cousin had barely left the room, perhaps gone only 5 to 10 minutes, when my aunt passed away.

At first my cousin was rather angry (in fact, really, really angry) at the nurse, but learned from other hospice staff that some people have difficulty dying when their loved ones were present. The hospice staff were trained to "let" the patient have privacy to die (go to God) alone, if that is what it appeared that they were trying to do.
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Old 11-01-2016, 01:11 PM
 
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My sister sat at my mom's bedside for hours when it seemed like the time was near. Finally, late in the day, she left the room to call her husband and let him know she'd be staying a while longer. During that brief 10 minutes, my mom died. I have also heard this sort of story enough times to believe that it is some kind of choice on the part of the dying person.
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Old 11-01-2016, 07:41 PM
 
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My friends father passed like that....... Everyone went out and he went to the living room,sat on the couch and passed over.......... (When they got home he was gone )

But ya know thier spirits are always there.... Talk to them,they can hear you and sometimes will try to let you know they can

Im so sorry leadingedge04 and everyone else here who has lost someone....
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Old 11-02-2016, 12:32 PM
 
16,785 posts, read 19,580,956 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot View Post
My sister sat at my mom's bedside for hours when it seemed like the time was near. Finally, late in the day, she left the room to call her husband and let him know she'd be staying a while longer. During that brief 10 minutes, my mom died. I have also heard this sort of story enough times to believe that it is some kind of choice on the part of the dying person.
Absolutely, my mother did the same thing. I believe it to be true. My dad and I were with her all day, left at 5pm, she was gone less than 90 minutes later.

I truly believe they do it to spare the family concerned they may not be able to handle it, and wait to pass to prevent that if possible.
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Old 11-02-2016, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
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I was with my mother when she died. She started failing on a Friday afternoon and she passed away on Sunday afternoon. But I think she waited until my husband got home from a trip. He had been there for about an hour and then she went.

I think she did that for me.
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Old 11-03-2016, 10:45 PM
 
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I knew when I moved him to clean him...he would die. So I warned the hospice lady who came to bathe him he would die. ANd it wasn't worth it to have a death on her conscious. So she respectfully left, doing something in her car (calling to let her supervisor know? not sure) but he passed away right then. I warned my SO also when she agreed to assist me. He'd been so dirty for 3-4 days that I was afraid to move him. I took excellent care of him, sleeping adacent his bed talking to him for an entire month. Almost no time off. We drove 10 hrs to get him and take him home to die with us. Didn't know him exceptionally well but he was family. And he cared alot about me, even dying all he did was appreciate me. Never complained AT ALL. Just appreciated being there until his last breath.


He appeared in pain so I was fine with the result.

My grandmother died while we were with her. I yelled as she "left us" and she looked at me. I really wish I wouldn't have called her name but yelled "I Love you!" instead. I cannot get over that regret, never telling her that to her face. And I knew she was leaving but still didnt have the heart to do it.


Another story with my aunt was I was so tired of sitting there with her I went home to take a pill. Because I was in so much anguish and I knew she could die, and it would only be a few hours but couldn't sit there for some reason. When I got back, she was dead. A friend of hers, who was a nurse, told me she was there when she died. ALmsot to comfort me but I could tell she was lying. No one else in the family showed up and I kept calling her son but he wouldn't come. He didn't even seem interested in knowing how sick she was. She'd only been there less than 24 hrs in the hospital.

I've never had ANYONE die when I've left the room. But none of these people were my parent, sibling, or close relative. Except maybe a little bit concerning my grandmother but she wasn't a real nice person to begin with. So she would never worry over my feelings
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Old 11-03-2016, 10:48 PM
 
9 posts, read 10,841 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by photobuff42 View Post
I was with my mother when she died. She started failing on a Friday afternoon and she passed away on Sunday afternoon. But I think she waited until my husband got home from a trip. He had been there for about an hour and then she went.

I think she did that for me.
Your mom must have really loved you
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Old 11-06-2016, 08:50 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,036 posts, read 3,877,257 times
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Everyone in my family waited until they were alone to die. My husband spent 8 days in Hospice. I never left except to run home once to take a quick shower and pay a few bills. I had a cot set up in his room and sometimes I slept next to him in bed. I knew he was always afraid of dying and didn't want him to be alone when it happened.


He waited until 3 a.m. when I was asleep on the cot to die. Ditto for my father, grandfather, stepfather and friend. They all waited till they were alone despite family being with them almost constantly. It is very strange.
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