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Old 11-28-2016, 10:27 AM
 
Location: New Mexico
5,097 posts, read 2,913,065 times
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My daughter and I decided to go to a local restaurant for Thanksgiving. I'm in my late 60s and we live 1,000 miles away from family so a big family dinner isn't going to happen. Each year we try to do something a little different...I guess our tradition is to not have a traditional Thanksgiving. Anyway...The restaurant Thanksgiving was great. No clean up -- no leftovers -- just enough. It was interesting to see the other patrons. Quite a few were my age -- cooking and cleaning up afterwards isn't very festive.


There were several families where an ancient family patriarch or matriarch was assisted into the restaurant by their 60-something year old offspring accompanied by spouses and adult grandchildren and the younger generations beyond that. As we were going in a group of "boys" were helping "mom" in the door -- she was blind or nearly blind so it took some doing. The "boys" were well into their 60s but were still her "boys" in that context. This is a very family oriented community so we enjoyed seeing the family devotion -- sort of rubbed off on our little table for two.
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Old 11-29-2016, 09:19 AM
 
Location: SWFL
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Your story warmed my heart, Sun. Thank you.
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Old 11-29-2016, 05:13 PM
 
26,163 posts, read 14,453,442 times
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Unhappy  

Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper
My best to all of you who are missing those you love during this Holiday Season.
Thank you......I am so sorry what your going thru,I had tears reading your message.......

Please accept a hug
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Old 11-30-2016, 12:32 PM
 
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Thankyou. My story is not unique. Many have sad memories at this season, but still have hope of a good life now and ahead.
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Old 11-30-2016, 07:15 PM
 
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The holidays are always hard. I don't mean to say this as to worry you. It does get a little easier but it's been over 10 years since my grandma passed and I still miss her a lot. For me I think it's an abnormal amount of grief because it's not just that I miss her but my life fell apart after that. It was like a domino effect. I don't know if it was just me getting older..there have been some periods where it's not as bad but it kinda feels like more than just getting older because I wasn't quite an adult when she passed.
She always made wonderful sweet potato on the holidays (unfortunately my mom doesn't have the recipe) and I just loved all her food really. She made blueberry pie (I don't remember if she made it on the holidays but that was good too). I haven't wanted to eat blueberry pie since she passed. She was a baker and sewer. I guess that's a lot of grandmas but she really was good at it. She had a sewing business with my grandpa and she'd make dumplings for a while for my cousin's restaurant. I certainly wouldn't want her on her last days. She was ready to go but I wish she could have been healthier a little bit longer because I feel like I didn't get enough time with her and she was the rock that held that side of the family together esp my mom and I. She lived to 79 which I know isn't bad but it seems like a lot of rotten people get to live longer (because my father's mom has been around all this time). The world lost a wonderful person that April and they'll never even know it. She wouldn't tolerate crap she told my mom that she should consider leaving my father but at the same time she was never mean to anyone. She didn't let anything bother her and was a fighter. A few years before her passing I remember her being in ICU and she came out like it was nothing.
I think I got my love of dance from her although it's slightly varied (because she liked to go out and dance I stay home)

I try to enjoy the holidays but they don't really mean anything to me anymore. I know I have my mom but we're home everyday. There's no more going to grandma's house and enjoying family time because grandma isn't there. I remember one time my mom said she was going to call her on the phone and then she realized "wait she's not there"

It sucks I'm crying writing this post because I miss her so much lately and I feel like being young I didn't get to appreciate her like I should have. I feel like the last thing she saw of me was that I didn't brush my hair and she was disappointed it got that messed up and I don't think I got to say goodbye. I mean I did stay in her room in her last days but she was so out of her head that I don't know if I really got to say it. Sometimes I feel like if there is a god that's why he took her away from me but then why would he put my mom through that too?
I feel bad that my heart hurts. I am 100 percent sure she'd want us to celebrate her life so I want to but lately I need her. I need her to tell me it's okay although at the same time I wouldn't have wanted her to see what a mess my life has been so idk..

I know this is not the same thing as a husband but I really did love my grandma. She was my hero so because of that the day she died I didn't want to believe it. I got angry with mom yelling "you're lying". It didn't hit me until we were close enough to see her house. I'm sure if I ever get my life together I'll be less sad about it but I'm sure I'll always miss her.
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Old 11-30-2016, 08:04 PM
 
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Nickchick,
Believe me, there are few of us who appreciated our grandparents enough. Unless one's grandparents die when one is fully adult, it is so very common for children, teenagers and young adults to be so involved in their own lives, they don't realize the richness of experience that exists in grandparents. You should not feel guilty about this because it seems to be almost universally true, at least in this country. It is just the way young people are. My grandma died 36 years ago, and I still have a list of things I wish I had talked to her about. I never had a chance to say goodbye, either, but it never bothered me. I know she (and my grandfather, too) knew that I loved them. Both of them died with loved ones around, so I am glad of that, even if it wasn't me.

I know what its like having no family around at the holidays, but good friends give you a lot of that same feeling. I have just had a great Thanksgiving with friends that I am really grateful for. People who have small families need to cultivate those friendships, because that is what will make life meaningful over the years. Another thing that gives life meaning is helping others, in whatever way feels right to you.

I am sorry for the loss of your grandmother. But it is a fact of life that it has happened or will happen to all of us (unless we die first or they died before we were born, etc.) And I imagine almost all of those grandparents would wish for their grandchildren to go on and have satisfying, happy lives. That is, I'm sure, what your grandma wanted for you. I imagine you will always miss her, but we all at some point need to just hold those memories as we go on in life without our loved ones. My best to you this Christmas and in the next year.
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Old 11-30-2016, 09:37 PM
 
Location: SWFL
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Nickchick, I am sorry for your loss. Grasshopper said it all. Very wise words. Believe her.

Peace to you.
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Old 11-30-2016, 11:43 PM
 
3,234 posts, read 1,711,615 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
Nickchick,

I know what its like having no family around at the holidays, but good friends give you a lot of that same feeling. I have just had a great Thanksgiving with friends that I am really grateful for. People who have small families need to cultivate those friendships, because that is what will make life meaningful over the years. Another thing that gives life meaning is helping others, in whatever way feels right to you.

I am sorry for the loss of your grandmother. But it is a fact of life that it has happened or will happen to all of us (unless we die first or they died before we were born, etc.) And I imagine almost all of those grandparents would wish for their grandchildren to go on and have satisfying, happy lives. That is, I'm sure, what your grandma wanted for you. I imagine you will always miss her, but we all at some point need to just hold those memories as we go on in life without our loved ones. My best to you this Christmas and in the next year.
Yeah thing is I'm a loner so I don't really get close to any friends I have. I did have more friends in school but I lost touch with pretty much all of them. One I fell in love with because I really felt a connection with him and he wasn't good at relationships so we don't talk anymore. It gets lonely even though I bask in my weirdness so I don't really desire friends because what I aspire for is kindred spirits. Any kindred spirits that I've felt I've had or close to were people I couldn't really see. I mean it is something because some of them were online friends so I was able to talk to but they end up being like the friends in school. I lost touch with them because they changed or they weren't what I thought. People where I live are too redneck and just lame in general. I am very much a people observer and I listen so I can tell that I don't mesh with them but I know to get a job I have to be more social so I attempt to talk to people anyway and they often prove me right that I'm the black sheep.
I am dating someone so he's pretty much my only close friend but I feel like even there I don't connect with him like I should because he has told me he doesn't understand me and I still have feelings for the guy up there I was mentioning that wasn't good at relationships even though I don't really wish to go back with him because I don't want to get caught up in that mess again. He is also having problems with his son at the moment so he can't contact me as much as he wishes to lately.


I know she would want me to have a satisfying life but I find it so hard to cope in this way. I wish I could be as easygoing as she was but it's somehow impossible for me. I guess it helps to have had the years in her life but from stories it sounds like she was always like that.
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Old 12-01-2016, 09:07 PM
 
26,163 posts, read 14,453,442 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nickchick
The holidays are always hard. I don't mean to say this as to worry you. It does get a little easier but it's been over 10 years since my grandma passed and I still miss her a lot.
I am sorry for your loss Nick

I hope you have a good holiday season
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Old 12-06-2016, 11:17 AM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,247,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nickchick View Post
Yeah thing is I'm a loner so I don't really get close to any friends I have.

I know she would want me to have a satisfying life but I find it so hard to cope in this way. I wish I could be as easygoing as she was but it's somehow impossible for me. I guess it helps to have had the years in her life but from stories it sounds like she was always like that.
Nickchick, I'm not a professional counselor, but to some degree, I do empathize with your feelings. One thing I can say helps with feelings of isolation is to find a way to help others. Somehow, when we concentrate more on the ways we can be of service and less on our own problems, things seem to work out better. There are a million ways to do this, but I'm sure you can find something that seems to fit for you. Volunteer at a foodbank, read to children or help them with their work as a school volunteer, find a nature outfit and help them with planting native plants or restoring a creek, be a volunteer docent at an art museum or someplace else that interests you, drive seniors to doctors' appointments, etc. There are a multitude of things. Try different things until you find a good fit. (I would encourage you to try something for several visits before deciding it doesn't work) I know this sounds a little hokey, but giving your life more meaning by helping in some way is a good way to start turning you life around.
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