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Old 11-22-2016, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Ocala, FL
392 posts, read 438,851 times
Reputation: 1223

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Do what you want. The deceased person is dead and will never know if you have a giant funeral or not. Just nod your head when they tell you what they want and then do what helps you grieve their loss.
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Old 11-22-2016, 07:52 PM
 
798 posts, read 376,084 times
Reputation: 1041
People have a "Celebration of Life" these days. Very private burial - just close family/friends or no wake if that's the deceased choice - but then something akin to an "Irish wake" later - a month or so after the death - usually the family will have a public gathering for the deceased friends and family to honor the memory and give them the closure they need - they call it a Celebration of life ceremony. Becoming quite popular these days.
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Old 11-22-2016, 08:18 PM
Status: " tired" (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Europe
1,408 posts, read 1,157,181 times
Reputation: 1795
Thanks for all the useful suggestions of doing something separate at a later time that is a good idea.

Last edited by Ibginnie; 11-23-2016 at 10:35 AM.. Reason: Thread does not need to be closed, there is useful info here for others.
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Old 11-22-2016, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Southwest Pa
1,440 posts, read 3,572,846 times
Reputation: 1681
Mom's wishes were very specific when she realized her time was coming. There was to be no funeral, no viewing, no newspaper announcements, straight cremation and we were not to handle the remains. Fair enough. Last wish granted. Two stories though come to mind.....

Older, out-of-town brother, was feeling guilty about it and thought it might be nice to go ahead and pick up the remains, maybe scatter some around the country at her favorite spots. I said go right ahead but I'll have no part of it, just in case there might be an afterlife. I wasn't about to have her come at me at the pearly gates.

Many years later I had a chance to talk to the undertaker that handled the cremation, he was having some landfill work done around his lot. Jokingly I said "hey, room for the extras huh?". He laughed and said no but he did have twenty years of unclaimed ashes in storage. I then realized that Mom had never left the building, so to speak.
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Old 11-23-2016, 03:55 AM
 
15,832 posts, read 18,446,953 times
Reputation: 25614
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nerys52SoSilver View Post
Just looking for some opinions different viewpoints on this.
I would guess there is no funeral held if these were the wishes. Simply cremation or burial.
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Old 11-23-2016, 09:59 AM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,083,410 times
Reputation: 30973
Quote:
Originally Posted by harry chickpea View Post
IMO, as long as the deceased was in full control of their mind when making that decision, then that wish should be observed. It is part of the final contract. I don't break contracts.
Yes, if you give your word, you keep your word.
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Old 11-23-2016, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Somewhere
1,273 posts, read 1,717,797 times
Reputation: 2407
Their wishes should be honored.

I've already told my husband and daughter who I want at mine and it is a VERY small list! And I will come back and haunt them if they don't honor that wish!
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Old 11-23-2016, 12:00 PM
 
1,287 posts, read 990,431 times
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Personally, I'd honor the deceased person's wishes, regardless of whether I agreed or not.
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Old 11-23-2016, 02:13 PM
 
Location: I am right here.
4,859 posts, read 3,715,230 times
Reputation: 15267
My mom told my dad she wanted no funeral when her time came, and if she died first. She did die first. However, (and I've talked about his on this board before) my DAD needed to have a funeral for her to have the support of friends, family, and community for HIM. Her death came very unexpectedly, and he was ... floundering, lost, confused, sad ...and he NEEDED the support of people surrounding him. So he decided he would have a funeral for his wife of 50 years. I fully supported him in this, because HE NEEDED IT and the support that came with it. About 200 people came to her funeral.

All these years later, and I have no doubt it was the right decision. It provided a great comfort for my dad.
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Old 11-23-2016, 03:02 PM
 
3,299 posts, read 1,718,692 times
Reputation: 5455
I would split the difference: hold a funeral, and tell everyone who attends that the deceased didn't want them there.
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