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Old 11-23-2016, 07:57 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
10,638 posts, read 3,319,645 times
Reputation: 12748

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My mother (still alive) has talked to me and has put it in her WILL that she does not want a wake, funeral or any type of service. She doesn't mind if I have a gathering at my house or a restaurant to reflect on her life. This is her final wish and it would be selfish to not respect that.
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Old 11-23-2016, 10:04 PM
 
778 posts, read 736,797 times
Reputation: 1899
I think it is very disrespectful not to follow the wishes of someone after they die.


To say that you should do what you want because they are dead and won't know is awful. Apparently, the person had very strong feelings about what they wanted and that is why they made all their wishes known before they died. They trusted someone to follow through with their one last request.


When a person ends up doing what they want instead of what the deceased requested they are thinking only of themselves and I have to agree that it is being selfish. That sounds harsh but it is what is really happening. It's a tough time emotionally and I'm sure no one wants to do things their way to be hurtful. If you feel the need to have people around for support I like the idea of others. Do what was asked and then have a separate get together to honor them.


Just my opinion. I really hope that in my case the very last thing I am able to decide for myself about my life will be done as I wished.
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Old 11-23-2016, 10:16 PM
 
11,432 posts, read 19,448,624 times
Reputation: 18135
Old friend of mine lost her mom, and before she died, she asked for three things. The promise was given to ease her mind.

All the promises were broken. Two of them weren't legal, and one was just mean.

No one felt bad the promises were broken. They felt it the mom had been in her right mind none of the promises would have to be made...
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Old 11-23-2016, 10:47 PM
 
Location: Chicago
5,412 posts, read 8,283,294 times
Reputation: 6347
Both my father and mother-in-law wanted no funeral/memorial services of any kind. In both cases, their requests were honored. The immediate family just had a lunch - one a backyard barbecue and the other at a favorite beach restaurant. We recounted happy memories and funny stories. It was exactly what they had wanted and it felt good that we could honor that.
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Old 11-24-2016, 02:02 AM
Status: " tired" (set 13 days ago)
 
Location: Europe
1,408 posts, read 1,157,701 times
Reputation: 1795
Update.
The wishes of the elderly deceased were honored and done 100%. I just got the call from the person in charge. The deceased now rests in peace. I leave this thread now and as the mod mentioned it might be helpful, insightful for other readers here.
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Old 11-24-2016, 05:30 AM
 
Location: Dallas
5,463 posts, read 4,581,673 times
Reputation: 15592
Respect the wishes of the deceased. I know I wouldn't feel good about doing what I wanted and ignoring their wishes.
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Old 11-24-2016, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Central Mexico and Central Florida
6,934 posts, read 3,017,667 times
Reputation: 9718
We honored my FIL's wishes for no funeral home, no church, etc.

However, a few days after his death when all the kids and some grandkids were in town, the family reserved a private room at one of his favorite restaurants (his go-to place to take each of his kids, when they visited him, up until he was housebound).

We toasted this fine man, ate a nice meal, shared a few stories.
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Old 11-24-2016, 09:45 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,439 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18824
Quote:
Originally Posted by dj10 View Post
I think it is very disrespectful not to follow the wishes of someone after they die.


To say that you should do what you want because they are dead and won't know is awful. Apparently, the person had very strong feelings about what they wanted and that is why they made all their wishes known before they died. They trusted someone to follow through with their one last request.


When a person ends up doing what they want instead of what the deceased requested they are thinking only of themselves and I have to agree that it is being selfish. That sounds harsh but it is what is really happening. It's a tough time emotionally and I'm sure no one wants to do things their way to be hurtful. If you feel the need to have people around for support I like the idea of others. Do what was asked and then have a separate get together to honor them.


Just my opinion. I really hope that in my case the very last thing I am able to decide for myself about my life will be done as I wished.
You are right, I WAS being selfish and thinking only of myself. Dad had just mentioned this in passing, not a demand so this only child wouldn't let go of Daddy until the last minute. I didn't want to face the fact I was now an adult orphan. I had/have no problems with what I did. Dad was probably thinking about money. We had already gone through this with my mother. I doubt Dad was upset with me (if that's possible), he knew his baby girl well and knew I think of mainly myself and would have been happy that his wake made ME so happy that he would not have been angry with me. Daddy was a very easy going man and anything for his baby. He did everything to help ME during my mother's wake and funeral. He was a good, loving dad. IF he REALLY did not want me to do as I wanted, he would have been more assertive about things because he knew I was just like my mother, do what I want. So I don't care if anyone thinks I was selfish. I doubt Daddy was mad at me.

My husband, on the other hand, was adamant about no wake. Funeral was okay but no wake. His wishes were fulfilled. Besides, he looked like h* ll weighing only 30-40 lbs upon death. Not good.
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Old 11-24-2016, 09:50 AM
 
3,174 posts, read 1,633,161 times
Reputation: 15313
Are you kidding me? Respect the wishes of the deceased. Why would anyone question that? To do it your way, when it's clear to you what the deceased wanted, is beyond sick and disrespectful.
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Old 11-24-2016, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Long Neck , DE
4,903 posts, read 2,770,995 times
Reputation: 8002
Obviously the deceased had reasons to feel that way. Follow their wishes.
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