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Old 12-12-2016, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,888 posts, read 32,658,014 times
Reputation: 57020

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mschrief View Post
I can understand totally. This is my first Christmas since my son decided to toss us under the bus and go "no-contact". I can only hope he is happy about this decision and his life is wonderful.

My husband and have no intentions of staying at home and pouting. We will go to Christmas Eve church and then on Christmas Day out for Chinese food and a movie.

My husband's family is in the Pacific NW and he might, possibly get a phone call from them. Out of sight, out of mind situation there.

I commend you.

Two of my five adult kids have aligned together (after the death of my dad, the "patriarch") with my mentally ill brother, and apparently have decided I'm the Antichrist, though ironically I'm the ONLY person taking care of my mom. The phrase "put your money where your mouth is" springs to mind.

Anyway, it's been a very painful two months, but guess what - like you I've reached the point of "out of sight, out of mind" too!

Life is just too short to fret about unreasonable people and let them ruin holidays.
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Old 12-12-2016, 10:26 AM
 
Location: South Central Pa.
154 posts, read 65,517 times
Reputation: 225
There is a story of a King who wanted an engraving on a ring that would comfort him in bad times, and not get him too uppity in good times. The engraving was "This too, shall pass." If you have no desire to be around the people you mentioned, then there is nothing wrong with staying home and enjoying each others company, but If that gets too lonely there are other people out there, and some of them will be nice to be around, but you will need to find them. BTW, I'm originally from the other part of the state, and I have little desire to return, there are only a few relatives that I would want to see again. My wife feels the same way about her HS class, so we don't go to either reunion, her's or mine, and the people she would want to see, don't go to the reunion.
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Old 12-12-2016, 10:59 AM
 
Location: SW US
1,993 posts, read 1,851,975 times
Reputation: 3349
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
This will be my first Christmas without parents alive, it really is just my husband and I. My Dad passed this year, and my Mom a few years back. No relationship (or barely any) with my siblings due to them being toxic and interested in only their own lives or what money they can get off people, and my in-laws will invite us and ignore us so we end up just hanging out with each other when we are there (they lack ANY interest in our lives). Don't want to volunteer, as I have done it several times in the past and I really got a negative impression of the agencies I was helping. I have 300+ volunteer hours racked up with different agencies...I seriously tried (don't judge me for not wanting to help out this year).
.....
Similar situation here except no spouse, or kids. Only sibling is hostile. Mom died this year, Dad a few years ago. I've decided to treat Christmas mainly as just another day. I may roast a chicken like I did for Thanksgiving. Maybe next year I'll feel like doing something more, or maybe not.
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Old 12-12-2016, 02:35 PM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 958,108 times
Reputation: 1753
Thank you everyone for the encouragement of sorts, or at least the feeling that I am not alone in this grief during the holidays. It really is tough to not feel despondent this time of year. I go through cycles of being fine with it all, and cycles of being mad at the world. I really feel for the others on this forum who are also struggling, and want to say I am hoping for all of us it gets better!
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Old 12-12-2016, 02:37 PM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 958,108 times
Reputation: 1753
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
Oh how I can relate!

I don't care if I sound like a Scrooge. I just want a quiet, polite, pleasant, adult Christmas with other pleasant people. NO DRAMA.

People be wearin me out.
Wow...this is how I feel too! I try, but after a few minutes I have a real "PEACE OUT" kind of feeling!
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Old 12-30-2016, 08:46 AM
 
Location: County Mayo Descendant
2,725 posts, read 4,904,387 times
Reputation: 1188
BlueMonday,

It is very hard, I just lost my Mum, I haven't really cried the way I need too. Things are just not the same, no baking of cookies or shopping together, eating out etc. Nobody to confide in.

I'm talking and B-ing to the walls, I think my dog understands me ..
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Old 12-30-2016, 06:01 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,702 posts, read 21,750,727 times
Reputation: 27757
Quote:
Originally Posted by rural lady View Post
BlueMonday,

It is very hard, I just lost my Mum, I haven't really cried the way I need too. Things are just not the same, no baking of cookies or shopping together, eating out etc. Nobody to confide in.

I'm talking and B-ing to the walls, I think my dog understands me ..
Your dog understands. I remember the dog licking the tears from my face. I've lost nearly everyone--I still have a sister and a kid! But nana, my brother, nephew, mom and dad and half of the cousins are gone.

This is what happens when you live beyond a certain age. Everyone dies.
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Old 12-31-2016, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,888 posts, read 32,658,014 times
Reputation: 57020
Oh how I adore my dogs. They have an inner sense and can tell when I'm hurting. Having just lost my dad, my lab especially (but both dogs really) has been constantly by my side since she is so attune to my every mood. Every time I sit down, she comes running over and puts her big head on my knee.

Such comfort. I thank God that He made dogs every single day.
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Old 01-14-2017, 09:58 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,101 posts, read 3,923,269 times
Reputation: 18770
The first Christmas without your loved one is hard. My hubby died in August of 2010 and I broke down and cried at Thanksgiving dinner because it was just his empty spot at the table. Ditto for that Christmas. It's only been the last year or so that I can say I am over it
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Old 01-14-2017, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,539 posts, read 3,006,146 times
Reputation: 9423
It takes so long. January 11th was the anniversary of my son's death. It was also the day we had to have recertification papers for our apartment building.

I had a hard time getting the paperwork together. Hard to do when you're crying.

My sister was disappointed that I didn't want to do Christmas things it, I reminded her it was the first year without him & I really didn't want to celebrate.
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