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Old 01-18-2017, 03:48 PM
 
Location: New England
1,093 posts, read 1,962,110 times
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Thank you for the replies (i've pm'd some).

I'm a pretty emotional person (cry pretty easily) and felt that if I didn't continue to, that I was hardening up too soon.


A good cry helps me feel closer to him (if that makes sense). Was looking at old photos this past weekend, and started crying. My wife said to not look at the pictures if it bothers you.

In other threads, people have mentioned that they can't listen to certain songs or look at pictures...... but it makes me feel better. Yes, we all grieve differently.
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Old 01-18-2017, 05:57 PM
 
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Don't confuse the grieving process with the amount of love you had for your dad. Over time, the tears will lessen but that doesn't mean you are caring any less.
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Old 01-18-2017, 06:57 PM
 
8,218 posts, read 8,495,554 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dfour View Post
I lost my father 11 days ago. He was 87, had 2 mild heart attacks on Christmas Eve. Went into the hospital and seemed like he might be recovering, albeit slowly. Had ups and downs. January 2nd had a couple of small strokes. Somehow the 4th was his best day, and had a good visit with him. He passed away on the 5th.

Wake/funeral was on the 11th. Lots of tears through the 12th. Less frequent now, but occasionally. I feel like if I stop grieving or crying, that I'm letting go (like my heart isn't there). But it is... thinking back on the good memories.

Does this make sense to anyone?
Nor should you stop grieving. This is very soon after his death, so of course you're grieving. It will take a while. But you also know in your heart that your father wouldn't you to be unhappy forever.
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Old 01-18-2017, 07:05 PM
 
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OP, I am so sorry you lost your father. Others have said what I might have about grief - we each grieve differently and no one way is wrong, and it takes time .. as much as you need. Some cry a lot and others never do (at least in public or outwardly). Only you can decide if you want to keep him close to you in your heart or put him away after a time. I am sure whatever choice you make will be the right one for you .. just give it some time.


My father died over 4 years ago now and mostly I smile when I think of him now - but sometimes I deliberately put on a movie that makes me cry so I can cry without feeling silly - about both my father and husband who I lost the same year. My laptop wallpaper is my favorite picture of my father (he is smiling and has a glass of wine in his hand, about to raise it and give a Welsh blessing) and I talk to him when I need to. His memory is as fresh today as it was when he passed away - but that is because I have chosen to keep it that way (but not morbidly .. the memories I treasure are the good ones).


meo - So sorry about your loss as well. It is even more difficult usually to lose a child than a parent - though neither is easy for most people. I am glad you are finding good coping mechanisms.
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Old 01-18-2017, 07:32 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida View Post
Nor should you stop grieving. This is very soon after his death, so of course you're grieving. It will take a while. But you also know in your heart that your father wouldn't you to be unhappy forever.
Yes.

So sorry for your loss. Just get by minute by minute right now if need be...

Be good to yourself.
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Old 01-20-2017, 01:12 AM
 
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Felt like if I stopped grieving, stopped missing - it would be a betrayal and somehow their spirit would know and equate moving on with forgetting or loving less.
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Old 01-20-2017, 03:43 AM
 
Location: New England
1,093 posts, read 1,962,110 times
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Originally Posted by chattyneighbor View Post
Felt like if I stopped grieving, stopped missing - it would be a betrayal and somehow their spirit would know and equate moving on with forgetting or loving less.

Exactly.
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Old 01-20-2017, 11:08 AM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,247,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chattyneighbor View Post
Felt like if I stopped grieving, stopped missing - it would be a betrayal and somehow their spirit would know and equate moving on with forgetting or loving less.
I felt like that too. I think, though, that it gradually changes, and at some point, you realize that living your own life is not a betrayal of the person you love. In fact, it is a tribute. You start experiencing your memories as happy, or at least wistful, rather than things that make you cry. Now, whenever I make a decision that brings something new or challenging to my life, I know he would be proud of me. I feel like we are smiling together. Before you lost your loved one, when life was good, you loved as you lived your lives. That's how it can be now - you can continue to love as you live your life. One thing I have learned that I never fully realized before - Love is Eternal. True love does not fade. Grieving fades, love does not.
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Old 01-24-2017, 06:29 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,690 posts, read 21,741,083 times
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It's much too soon to even think about that. Grief softens, changes over time. One day you'll laugh at something, really laugh, or realize that you haven't thought about your loved one for over 24 hours. What? How could I allow that to happen? Dereliction of duty. You can't force it; it just happens.
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Old 01-24-2017, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,690 posts, read 21,741,083 times
Reputation: 27742
It's much too soon to even think about that. Grief softens, changes over time. One day you'll laugh at something, really laugh, or realize that you haven't thought about your loved one for over 24 hours. What? How could I allow that to happen? Dereliction of duty. You can't force it; it just happens.
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