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Old 01-30-2017, 08:43 AM
 
Location: The house I built
308 posts, read 131,809 times
Reputation: 741

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Thanks everyone for the kind comments. Yes, I do keep a journal, actually a blog and write it in often. It is not private but buried away in the net somewhere so few have read it. I am not sure it would be very entertaining to most people anyway.

Yeah, the problem with all the financial stuff is it sort of has to be done right away while your head is swimming. And I had to dig up and /or send to the state for records and stuff. I did simplify a lot of it so now it is not an issue. The phone calls are the worst. You spend all day on hold and still don't get stuff taken care of. And I don't know how many times I broke down trying to tell them the issue.

I have some projects to work on and that does help to keep my mind off things.
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Old 01-30-2017, 10:15 AM
 
Location: New Mexico
5,097 posts, read 2,913,065 times
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Be cautious with joint credit cards - Capital One reported me as deceased and that shut down my credit bureau records. It took a week to prove I was alive.
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Old 01-30-2017, 11:01 AM
 
Location: The house I built
308 posts, read 131,809 times
Reputation: 741
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunGrins View Post
Be cautious with joint credit cards - Capital One reported me as deceased and that shut down my credit bureau records. It took a week to prove I was alive.
We have zero credit card debt. I use debit or paypal. It kind of sucks that she gets constant promotions and such in the mail. The credit card companies are vultures because they make a whole lot of money on people.
I can imagine the phone call. "are you alive?" "I am not sure, what are the symptoms?"
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Old 01-30-2017, 12:57 PM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,247,246 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stevie60 View Post
We have zero credit card debt. I use debit or paypal. It kind of sucks that she gets constant promotions and such in the mail. The credit card companies are vultures because they make a whole lot of money on people.
I can imagine the phone call. "are you alive?" "I am not sure, what are the symptoms?"
Yes, it recalls the rather dark humor laugh my husband would have were he to see the life insurance advertisements that still come to him, 2 years after his death.
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Old 01-30-2017, 02:51 PM
 
26 posts, read 10,040 times
Reputation: 64
I am so sorry for your loss. You know, there are 5 stages of grieving. I don;t know which one you are at, but it will get better after you finally reach acceptance. Perhaps therapy will help. Also volunteering, being involved in helping others. Knowing that you make a difference is somebody else's life.

I am an Airbnb host and I had a 90 year old guest - he was still driving BTW - who was pretty much in your shoes 10 years ago. He was thin, energetic and determined to help others. For example he was involved in AA meetings because he was one long time ago. He was actively involved in his church and had so many plans more than me. SO, I admire him so much. He is doing so much good in his community and basically continuing his wife's legacy. He is doing what she would have liked him to do.

So surround yourself with friends and do what she would like you to do. You'll see that things will get better.
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Old 01-30-2017, 02:56 PM
 
Location: New Mexico
5,097 posts, read 2,913,065 times
Reputation: 9413
Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
Yes, it recalls the rather dark humor laugh my husband would have were he to see the life insurance advertisements that still come to him, 2 years after his death.


Crazy -- My wife died on the 30th of the month and our bank stopped her pension check and returned it as a direct deposit for our retirement fund. She was fully entitled to the check. I had not even talked to the funeral home people and they were somehow aware of her death within hours and sent the check back without any effort to contact me. That was the only "efficient" thing that bank ever did.
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Old 01-31-2017, 11:43 PM
 
Location: The house I built
308 posts, read 131,809 times
Reputation: 741
The paperwork part just sucked! Heartless people only care about block 21 of line 7 being filled out. And of course they all want it done now.

I am doing okay keeping the bills and such in order. Its the emotions that stink. I was fine all day, even put in extra time at the gym but when it came time to do the grocery shopping I lost it. She would do the shopping or we both would and she would put things in the cart and I would push the cart and make a nuisance of myself. She would smile and tell me she can't take me anywhere.

That was her element. She did the coupons and knew what was on sale. By myself, I just stumble thru. And forget stuff even with a list.
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Old 02-01-2017, 12:21 AM
 
Location: New Mexico
5,097 posts, read 2,913,065 times
Reputation: 9413
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevie60 View Post
By myself, I just stumble thru. And forget stuff even with a list.
This is not likely to change...sadly. I resigned myself to making more trips to the store.
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Old 02-01-2017, 07:17 PM
 
Location: Carbondale, Illinois
24 posts, read 16,188 times
Reputation: 70
I also lost my husband two months ago today. I agree, the financial paperwork and notification is too difficult, it just brings up too much. I tell myself I must get through it, so I can move on. It is difficult, and have started going through a grief group, doing things with girlfriends, but late afternoons and nights so difficult, and eating alone. He made most of the dinners and always a salad. I am trying to eat healthy, and do cook for myself, but making a pot roast or pot of soup, seems like a lot. I am hoping from what other people on this site have said, it will get easier and not so said. I know not to make any important decisions for a year, and will evaluate my situation at that time. We moved here two years ago, so no old friends or family close by, but returning to snow and I am the youngest sibling, so does not look like something I would want to do. At least the condo we are in, we had not been in too long so not years and years of memories, although the area does, since we had a vacation condo nearby. I have hope to get through this, but boy it is hard.
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Old 02-01-2017, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Carbondale, Illinois
24 posts, read 16,188 times
Reputation: 70
Default Know what you are going through

Having to do certain things are difficult, for me it is cooking, especially for one, just so sad. I always blamed my husband for me not losing weight, since he did most of the cooking but liked to eat late. Well, now I make my own, eat less, but so lonely, with the one plate. Every time I empty the dishwasher it is sad, since he always loaded and unloaded it and had his exact way of doing it. Always made the coffee at night, and would bring me a cup in the morning while I read, now I have to make and get my own, and each day it is so sad. I hope it gets easier, two months today. Even every piece of mail in his name, makes me sad, and I know I will have years of that. You all give me hope.
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