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Old 02-01-2017, 09:19 PM
 
718 posts, read 565,990 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachwannabe View Post
Having to do certain things are difficult, for me it is cooking, especially for one, just so sad. I always blamed my husband for me not losing weight, since he did most of the cooking but liked to eat late. Well, now I make my own, eat less, but so lonely, with the one plate. Every time I empty the dishwasher it is sad, since he always loaded and unloaded it and had his exact way of doing it. Always made the coffee at night, and would bring me a cup in the morning while I read, now I have to make and get my own, and each day it is so sad. I hope it gets easier, two months today. Even every piece of mail in his name, makes me sad, and I know I will have years of that. You all give me hope.
It was two months for me last Wednesday. I had a breakdown in the Valentines' section of WalMart and had to go home early from work!
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Old 02-01-2017, 10:05 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,252,569 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kay Effzee View Post
It was two months for me last Wednesday. I had a breakdown in the Valentines' section of WalMart and had to go home early from work!
It is 2 years and 3 months for me, and I have not gone near a valentine's section since my husband's death, and don't intend to go this year. I'm sure I will wish Happy V. Day to people I see on that day, but the cards are too provoking. There are not many things that I stay away from, however. I have gotten to a point that when I talk about things connected to my husband I have emotion, but not a burst of tears. Sometimes, I even talk about things he did with wistful joy. Often, when I see his handwriting or something of his I haven't seen in a while, I pause and think of how much I miss him. I tell him I love him, then I just keep doing what I was doing. Time does change things.
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Old 02-01-2017, 11:35 PM
 
Location: The house I built
309 posts, read 133,349 times
Reputation: 741
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachwannabe View Post
Having to do certain things are difficult, for me it is cooking, especially for one, just so sad. I always blamed my husband for me not losing weight, since he did most of the cooking but liked to eat late. Well, now I make my own, eat less, but so lonely, with the one plate. Every time I empty the dishwasher it is sad, since he always loaded and unloaded it and had his exact way of doing it. Always made the coffee at night, and would bring me a cup in the morning while I read, now I have to make and get my own, and each day it is so sad. I hope it gets easier, two months today. Even every piece of mail in his name, makes me sad, and I know I will have years of that. You all give me hope.
So sorry for your loss. All of us know words don't really make much difference. A hug sometimes helps just a bit.
The most difficult thing for me is the shopping. It just brings back so many memories. I got a bill today from several months ago. I will call tomorrow and make a big stink. Its not the money, it is what I consider abuse. If I could make a law I would give them a time limit and if they exceeded the limit, they would have to pay me double the amount.

I still can't look at her pictures without crying and sometimes it gets pretty intense to where I stop breathing. It is so strange that I can be funny and making jokes one minute and crying my eyes out the next.

My mother told me it does get easier but only in that you stop crying so much. Eventually the memories are not as painful and sometimes bring a smile.
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Old 02-01-2017, 11:48 PM
 
Location: The house I built
309 posts, read 133,349 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
It is 2 years and 3 months for me, and I have not gone near a valentine's section since my husband's death, and don't intend to go this year. I'm sure I will wish Happy V. Day to people I see on that day, but the cards are too provoking. There are not many things that I stay away from, however. I have gotten to a point that when I talk about things connected to my husband I have emotion, but not a burst of tears. Sometimes, I even talk about things he did with wistful joy. Often, when I see his handwriting or something of his I haven't seen in a while, I pause and think of how much I miss him. I tell him I love him, then I just keep doing what I was doing. Time does change things.
I have a couple memories of valentines day stuff. One time I bought her an extremely large card and flowers. The card is about 2 by 3 feet and it is still here in the office. I can't seem to throw it away.

On another occasion, I came home from work an she was just wearing her regular robe. She told me dinner was ready in the bedroom. She had set up a small table with candles and she made steak and king crab. We sat down and ate and when we finished she picked up the dishes and took off her robe. She was wearing a very short skimpy silky whatever you girls call those things. She had a body like a runway model. She said something about dessert and so we played cards for a few hours.

I miss her dearly. It is so wrong to go from a wonderful life to one so empty. I still have my hobbies and projects but without her it is many times just drudgery. I miss having her there to give me a hand and suggestions. She was sort of creative herself.
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Old 02-01-2017, 11:53 PM
 
Location: The house I built
309 posts, read 133,349 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kay Effzee View Post
It was two months for me last Wednesday. I had a breakdown in the Valentines' section of WalMart and had to go home early from work!
So many of us still so deep in this. At two months I thought I was getting better. Now at almost 3 months I think I am sliding back. So far I have managed to hold back my breakdowns at least till I get back in my car. The one exception was the ER when I tore up my hand and it hit me that I had to drive myself to the hospital. There was no one to take care of me. I could not hold it back so a room full of doctors and nurses had to explain to each other why I was crying so hard.
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Old 02-02-2017, 02:30 AM
 
Location: The house I built
309 posts, read 133,349 times
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One thing I recommend.
I am keeping an almost daily blog. I just let the words and thoughts flow. I did not make it private but that is easy enough. I started it a few months ago and something is put to words almost everyday. We have to vent, we have to just let it out. This is only one of several ways we can do that. Since it is still anonymous, I did not put any names in it or any other identifying information but if someone who knew me found it, they would know but I really don't care. My intent is someday maybe other widowers will find it and realize we are not alone in what we think and feel and the inner conflicts we deal with.
We are still living breathing human beings and we still function as we always did, most of the time. Its those moments when despair and loneliness come to visit that we struggle with even our own thoughts.

I feel so awful about all the things my wife loved that she will now miss. That alone makes me cry a lot when those moments arrive. And I also feel awful when I look at where my own life is at this time.

I have to remind myself that she is either in a wonderful place with friends and family we have lost before, or she is nowhere and unaware of anything. Sort of like when we sleep and we are not dreaming. She is no longer suffering.

Those of us left behind do the suffering now. And all we know is we have to suffer just a bit longer before it becomes manageable. Our new life is scary, and intimidating. We didn't plan for this and we surely don't want to do this but we have no choice but to do our best to face it head on. Our loved ones would not want us to give in to the grief. We have responsibilities to friends and families to be strong for them also. And our loved ones would want us to find our way and have days where we were able to enjoy the warmth of the sun on our skin and the crisp morning air. The world keeps moving on. Somehow, we have to find a way to move on with it. The only thing easy about it is we can take all the time we need.
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Old 02-02-2017, 02:11 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,252,569 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stevie60 View Post
One thing I recommend.
I am keeping an almost daily blog. I just let the words and thoughts flow.

I feel so awful about all the things my wife loved that she will now miss. That alone makes me cry a lot when those moments arrive. And I also feel awful when I look at where my own life is at this time.

I have to remind myself that she is either in a wonderful place with friends and family we have lost before, or she is nowhere and unaware of anything. Sort of like when we sleep and we are not dreaming. She is no longer suffering.
I]

I didn't have a blog, but I wrote almost every day in the word processor. I doubt anyone will ever see it, but it was helpful for me to get those feelings down in writing.[/i]

A few months after my husband died, a friend took me to a coffee shop with a performer that my husband would really have enjoyed. It was sad for me that I didn't know about this place when he was alive, and never took him. But there is nothing we can do about these things - just live through them. About where your own life is now, this is where you need to be patient with yourself.

I had an experience that convinced me that my husband is in a place of peace. There is no doubt in my mind. I have no idea about seeing other loved ones, hearing a choir or all the other things people say about heaven. But I know that there is joy, peace and love for him, and that is what I wanted. My husband was by no means a religious or pious person. He had a slowly evolving, hesitant, doubtful faith. The faith he developed late in his life was quiet and I'm not sure he even recognized it. But he is in this place. So I believe that lots of people we would not think of as religious are welcomed there.
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Old 02-04-2017, 05:53 PM
 
3,263 posts, read 2,841,671 times
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I am so sorry for your loss. It has been nearly 7 months for me. (MG had cancer as well.)

The hospice facility had a memorial for the group of people who lost someone 5 months earlier, stating that it doesn't really hit a person until then because we are so busy trying to keep busy. And I'm finding they are right. I have most of his financial business done, and now there is just emptiness.
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Old 02-04-2017, 06:11 PM
 
Location: The house I built
309 posts, read 133,349 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by metamorphosis View Post
I am so sorry for your loss. It has been nearly 7 months for me. (MG had cancer as well.)

The hospice facility had a memorial for the group of people who lost someone 5 months earlier, stating that it doesn't really hit a person until then because we are so busy trying to keep busy. And I'm finding they are right. I have most of his financial business done, and now there is just emptiness.
Getting hit in 5 months does not sound encouraging. I am only at month 3 and feel like I am getting a regular emotional beating.
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Old 02-04-2017, 06:24 PM
 
Location: Carbondale, Illinois
24 posts, read 16,218 times
Reputation: 70
Beautiful sunset today on Mobile Bay from my condo, but not the same without my husband to share it with me. We always used to comment on how they all looked different. Instead of joy seeing it today, it was just sad. I hope someday, they will bring me joy again. The gorgeous sunsets was one of the reasons we bought and moved to the condo two years ago. I have hope I will be cheerful again, but so difficult, No matter how much I do to preoccupy myself, sad thoughts come back. Only sleep and being around people keep my thoughts from missing my husband. I wish I could bring back time, or at least move it fast forward.
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