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Old 02-03-2017, 03:16 PM
 
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I don't think of myself as one who "needs" a love object, but it seems that intimate relationship with someone does make life richer and gives it dimension. You need, as it were, an "object" for your affection if you're to feel and show affection in life...
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Old 02-03-2017, 04:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
Anyone else feel like they kind of stopped living when they lost their main love object in life? I do believe loving and being loved is an essential part of the human experience on earth; life loses meaning unless we have someone with whom to share it and someone -- or something -- to give it a sense of purpose. The absence of that is, I think, especially noticeable after having been a caregiver for the dear departed. And, although I'm not one who needs another in my life or needs to be needed (I'm very independent and self-sufficient; even a loner), it does feel like I'm not fully living but just existing day to day without love in it.

Can anyone relate?
I definitely can relate!!! I lost my husband, my best bud back in June and I feel exactly as you do. I too am a loner but at the same time I feel so lonely without my husband by my side. I can't even imagine being with anyone else but to stay and just exist is not healthy either. Thank God I have my dogs to talk to.
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Old 02-03-2017, 04:31 PM
 
Location: Tulare County, Ca
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Yeah, I miss my husband also, and while I know that his spirit lives on.........I wish the rest of him was still here too.
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Old 02-03-2017, 04:53 PM
 
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So the emptiness never really ends. I feel like I aged 20 years after going through the caregiver roll and the loss of my husband. I didn't think I would feel so numb.
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Old 02-03-2017, 05:10 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville, FL
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I feel the same way and I'm only 32 years old. I have been single my entire life and at this point, I honestly don't see that ever changing, especially being gay. I feel sort of jaded with a lot of things in life. I've traveled extensively, met many other guys, lived in different places, etc. I don't know how I'm going to keep interested in life for another 50+ years. Just shoot me now!
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Old 02-03-2017, 06:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by NYLIER View Post
I definitely can relate!!! I lost my husband, my best bud back in June and I feel exactly as you do. I too am a loner but at the same time I feel so lonely without my husband by my side. I can't even imagine being with anyone else but to stay and just exist is not healthy either. Thank God I have my dogs to talk to.
It has only been 7 months for you. Have patience. It takes a really long time to grieve such a loss. I understand the loneliness completely. But give yourself some time to adjust to a different way of life. (We would never have picked it, but that's what we have.) At about 18 months, I started to feel ready to gradually start making my own life again. That doesn't mean I don't still love and miss my husband. But I am starting to re-form life alone. It is for sure a hard thing, and everyone has their own way of dealing with it. But it is possible to find a good life again - not just existing. I don't know that I will ever experience the warmth of his love, the excitement of discovering the world together, the security of knowing he will always be there for me .... but there will be other ways that life will bring joy and fulfillment to me. Like you, I can't imagine being with anyone else. I don't really see it in my future. (Plus, I'm 64.) But how do I know? Things happen that we can't imagine.

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Originally Posted by NYLIER View Post
So the emptiness never really ends. I feel like I aged 20 years after going through the caregiver roll and the loss of my husband. I didn't think I would feel so numb.
I imagine this is a pretty recent thing for you. I get the emptiness and numbness. As I noted above, just persist and at some point, you will start to see life again. Do you know any older women who are widowed and living positive, useful lives? I do. There are a lot at my church. Most of them lost their beloved husbands years ago. I wasn't there when they went though the worst of it, so I can only guess. But I would guess that they felt just as lost, empty, lonely and grieved as I did. But they went on to make good things in their lives. They were an inspiration for me because if they can do it, you know it is possible. The emptiness feels right now like it will never end. But it will. You will never "get over" the loss of one so dear, but you will learn to make life good, even with that hole in your heart.
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Old 02-05-2017, 07:56 PM
 
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Thank you Grasshopper. It was a particularly difficult day today. He came to me in my dream for the first time since he passed. We held each other and I was so happy. But today I realized (I don't know why it took me so long) that I am never going to be in his arms again. I have been crying all day. I guess I didn't want to accept it until today. Maybe I needed a long emotional cry and I will feel better tomorrow. I hope so because I have a splitting headache from crying so much.
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Old 02-05-2017, 10:58 PM
 
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Nylier, I have had dreams that were just as real as that. Sometimes my husband is just in a dream. I love those because I get to see him and sometimes hear his voice. But there have been 3 that were not like that. They were dreams that I believe were actually him coming to me in the dream. He spoke reassurance to me, he smiled, he held me. I felt the love. Treasure that. This is one way that I know that love is eternal. I will always love him, and I know that he will always love me. I think it will be the same with you.
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Old 02-06-2017, 07:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
Nylier, I have had dreams that were just as real as that. Sometimes my husband is just in a dream. I love those because I get to see him and sometimes hear his voice. But there have been 3 that were not like that. They were dreams that I believe were actually him coming to me in the dream. He spoke reassurance to me, he smiled, he held me. I felt the love. Treasure that. This is one way that I know that love is eternal. I will always love him, and I know that he will always love me. I think it will be the same with you.
I was so upset he never came to me in my dreams. Then two nights in a row he did. The first night he was sitting in a chair with a blanket over his lap. He looked healthier than when he died (he weighted around 80 lbs.). He just said something to me to let me know that there was nothing we could have done to save his life. The next night was the dream when we held each other. You are right, I think he was coming to me. I'm so happy he did but at the same time it was so emotional. I guess I am going through the normal steps of mourning.
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Old 02-07-2017, 10:33 AM
 
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I've never doubted for a moment that life continues beyond this earthly plane and that love is eternal. I, too, have experienced visitations and signs, and that's a very comforting experience. But once the mourning period is over, is another love -- of some kind -- necessary to continue a healthy and happy existence here?

Last edited by otterhere; 02-07-2017 at 10:51 AM..
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