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Old 02-04-2017, 05:09 PM
4,110 posts, read 1,720,652 times
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Originally Posted by Murk View Post
Is this REALLY about photos? I kinda can't believe THAT is why the OP doesn't want the guy there.

If I had some family member or friend of the family who has gotten in trouble for having pics of underage children, he would not be allowed in the funeral home at all. I'd post my biggest, toughest looking cousins at the door and keep him the heck away from everyone.
Agree! Allowing a creeper in? Seriously?

Also, everyone is saying "have the director tell people to return the equipment to the car". Huh? Most aren't lugging around a tripod anymore. You can take a iPhone pic in a millisecond & no one would know...

Keep the perv out.
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Old 02-04-2017, 05:19 PM
Location: Mt Shasta , Ca.
1,806 posts, read 1,244,667 times
Reputation: 3805
I am very sorry for your loss Tabbychic

I agree with Murk here , I am from the south so photos at funerals are commonplace but not when you have a guy like that around. Some guy who has been in trouble for having/taking inappropriate photos of kids is not a headache you need on a day like that .
NO WAY and have someone help you like the other posters said. Another male relative or the funeral directors. One of my daughters is in charge of all wakes at a funeral home ( in the south ) and she has had to take cameras up or have them leave them in the car at the family's request.

Edit: when I say cameras I am speaking of phones like the poster above me stated. There is always someone clicking away .
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Old 02-04-2017, 09:30 PM
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
4,157 posts, read 2,162,700 times
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Originally Posted by waltergulick View Post
Sorry for your loss.

No it isn't considered bad taste.

Many family members may not have seen each other for several years, and may not see each other again for several more. In many cases funerals and weddings DO serve as family reunions.

If you are an only child then you certainly should have your wishes granted, but if you have other siblings, perhaps their input might be sought as well.

Ultimately it is a personal decision and the wishes of the family (all of them) should come first.
There are 1-3 separate events.

At 2 of the 3 events (visitation and funeral) it is terribly disrespectful to photograph, talk on the cell phone, take movies, etc. (Irish wakes excepted).

After the funeral service (or memorial service), outside the church (if a church has been used), then it is common for people to chat with each other and behave more like a reunion.

But unless the deceased specifically requested a party atmosphere (written down, perhaps in a will), then this is one occasion which most people would treat as solemn.

I think you can have both solemnity and later pleasantries, but it's not up to the guests to choose the behavior. The family may even be crying. It would be an insult to them to do selfies with the deceased, or anything else that might disturb what to them is very sad.
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Old 02-05-2017, 07:14 AM
Location: Wonderland
40,988 posts, read 32,696,264 times
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No one to my knowledge took photos at my dad's visitation or funeral, but we did have many photos being taken at the get together after the funeral (in our case the meal in the fellowship hall at church). There was a lot of family there and we don't get to see that many family members all in one place that often. Actually it was pleasant.

I think some people did take photos out in the parking lot after the visitation and/or funeral. I was OK with that.
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Old 02-05-2017, 07:22 AM
Location: Wonderland
40,988 posts, read 32,696,264 times
Reputation: 57086
Now I have a confession to make.

My dad died at hospice. Even though they kept him looking very nice and clean, at the end he was struggling to breathe so when he died, his mouth was open and he just didn't look comfortable or like himself.

After the shock of realizing he had passed away, the family dispersed and I went to the office there to let them know what funeral home would be coming, gathering his effects, that sort of thing. So I was out of his room for about half an hour. Then I remembered that I had left something in there, so I asked to go back in there one last time. I also wanted to just say goodbye to my dad all by myself.

When I went back in there, someone had already come in and tidied him up. They had closed his mouth and made sure his eyes were completely closed and they had straightened up the covers around him. I was shocked, but in a very good way because my dad looked BEAUTIFUL. He looked very peaceful. We had been so used to sitting beside him as he struggled to breathe for several days, and due to that struggle, he had had a sort of frown on his face - that frown was gone and he looked incredibly peaceful.

Something told me to snap a photo of him - I felt really weird doing it but I just felt this overwhelming need to do so. Afterwards, I didn't tell anyone what I had done till I was talking with my youngest daughter later. She had been with him till the very end and had hated watching him struggle at the end. She was so upset. I told her about going into his room and how peaceful he had looked and that seemed to really help her, and then I said, "Honey - I felt so weird doing this, but...I took a picture. Do you want me to send it to you?" She immediately said, "Oh, Mom, would you?" I did and immediately she called me back and said, through her tears, "Mom, thank you so much. I can't tell you how much better that makes me feel."

So...yeah...you never really know how that sort of thing is going to affect you. Of course, I would never post that photo on FB or in public in any way, but I am glad it brought some comfort to my daughter - and to me.
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Old 02-05-2017, 09:21 AM
Location: Central IL
13,379 posts, read 7,135,232 times
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Didn't it used to be a tradition to cover up the mirrors in the home during a mourning period so people would not be distracted by their own perhaps disheveled appearance? They were supposed to be mourning and not concerned with how they looked.

Taking pics is just the opposite! When my eyes are red and makeup cried off my face, why would I ever want that documented and seen by others years in the future? It is not the occasion for such a thing - there are many other happy times to do so. Of course I always find it disconcerting to hear people laughing and having light conversation on these occasions too though I know it's a time for people to see each other and catch up....it just seems weird.

I was actually expecting the OP to be talking about taking pictures of the deceased (also an old tradition but it made sense if that was the ONLY adult picture that would ever be taken of them). Again, you should have happy pictures of the person while living - I hope we don't get to the point where we "need" to document their death and funeral.
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Old 02-05-2017, 10:04 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 11 days ago)
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,292 posts, read 50,539,435 times
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The covering of mirrors is still done in the Jewish communitiy, I believe.
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Old 02-05-2017, 10:29 AM
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,176 posts, read 7,472,580 times
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Originally Posted by metamorphosis View Post
You can also ask the funeral director to ask folks with cameras to return the equipment to the car. They usually stand near the door to direct folks, so he could be your first line of defense.
This. Let the funeral director deal with this. That's why they get paid the big bucks.

I've never heard of people taking photos at funerals. That is the most ill mannered thing I've ever heard of.

If you can't make it to the funeral, I'm certainly not immortalizing it in photos for you.
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Old 02-05-2017, 10:55 AM
Location: Where the sun always shines
1,866 posts, read 2,417,288 times
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Hey, I will go one step furthur.....why even have a funeral in this and age, its a racket. I mean do they really make anyone feel better? On that note, if someone doesn't want photos taken, then close the casket.
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Old 02-05-2017, 10:59 AM
Location: East Texas
506 posts, read 421,789 times
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Before the viewing, I took pictures of mom in her casket and I'm so glad I have them! Not sure if this reply is appropriate to the question, though.
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