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Old 10-12-2018, 10:25 PM
 
Location: In the Pearl of the Purchase, Ky
7,039 posts, read 12,489,416 times
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What I see more than no funeral is not having visitation the night before. With my dad, funeral was at 1 PM. Visitation was from 11 AM till service time. No need to pay for the use of the funeral home the night before. Plus my dad's service was at our church so we didn't use their chapel either.
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Old 10-12-2018, 10:39 PM
 
2,705 posts, read 3,936,971 times
Reputation: 6339
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shelia Shay View Post
My husband and I have promised to come back and haunt our sons if they spend one penny more than necessary when we die.

Simple cremation, with our ashes combined and scattered at the location of their choice. If they'd like, dinner at a nice restaurant, paid for by our estate, with anyone who might want to participate.
Neither of us wants to enrich the nursing home, medical, and funeral industries at the end of our lives. It's all become big business, and the thought of how much money is made from human misery is depressing. Fortunately we are able to talk very openly with our family about our desires and beliefs, and they are in agreement. How much you spend on a funeral is absolutely no indication of how much you cared for that individual.
Very well said Sheila!

I have made my wishes clear to my family. No funeral or service of any kind. That money could be used for much better purposes and I have never been to a funeral that gave me 'closure' of any kind.
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Old 10-13-2018, 06:53 AM
 
626 posts, read 166,145 times
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Wow- no church funerals here?

DH died almost 2 years ago. We are/were pretty frugal and practical about everything but travel and agreed the cremation was the way to go. When he was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, we discussed final plans in depth. I went to the local mortuary and prepaid for cremation; It was about $1,000. The funeral was 2 months later because DDIL had a baby 2 weeks after DH died and they lived 3 hours away; I just decided to give everyone time to settle in. DDIL ended up being treated for a superficial thrombosis after the birth so I was glad they didn't have to rush to the funeral with their 2-year old and a newborn.

The funeral was glorious. I HAD to have a good funeral. Four soloists, songs that were meaningful to us, and a slideshow in the narthex (lobby) from our travels. And incense. Can't have a funeral without incense. I told my siblings halfway across the country to stay home- they'd seen DH when we'd been there a month before he died for my mother's funeral (that was one heck of a road trip) and had really had a chance to say goodbye then. Why come for a one-hour service? DS, DDIL and my beautiful granddaughters and our church friends were enough. His ashes were on a table in front of the altar, in the box from the mortuary, wrapped in a favorite flannel shirt of his. My brother, a gifted woodworker, is making a proper box for the ashes- the plastic container from the mortuary was made in China and DH always tried to avoid anything made in China.

I've since scattered bits of his ashes in 7 countries plus the US- most memorably on top of Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh and the the Ganges while a Hindu priest chanted from the Vedas.

The only real ripoff was the Obituary. I wrote it as he was dying at home, and it was 250 words and cost $400 to run in the paper. Good thing I didn't add a picture. Heaven knows what that would have cost.
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Old 10-13-2018, 08:22 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
17,018 posts, read 51,872,942 times
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"The only real ripoff was the Obituary. I wrote it as he was dying at home, and it was 250 words and cost $400 to run in the paper. Good thing I didn't add a picture. Heaven knows what that would have cost."

Some papers are even more expensive. There is a way around this. Consider the purpose of an obit, and those will generally be found to be letting people know in the present, and then for genealogy and history. Use the newspaper for a two line obit and a link to a site like "forevermissed.com" where you can share photos, videos, and text as you will, for less than $100. Adding details to a place like ancestry.com will insure future generations know.
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Old 10-13-2018, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
8,081 posts, read 6,896,165 times
Reputation: 10838
My wife donated her body to the local College of Medicine. They pick the body up within 2 hours of you notifying them. They have a Memorial Service each year for those that donated the prior year. They will cremate the remains at the end of a year and return the ashes to you if you wish. We had decided no to returning the ashes.

I have made it clear, I want to go the same way.
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Old 10-13-2018, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,082 posts, read 3,283,078 times
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The crematory where my spouse was taken posts a memorial page online as part of the service at no extra fee. There a photo and any kind of memorial can be posted as well as comments from friends and family.

An obituary in our local paper cost $500. Forget that!
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Old 10-13-2018, 03:34 PM
Status: "Thar she blows!" (set 3 hours ago)
 
Location: Jollyville, TX
3,712 posts, read 9,159,247 times
Reputation: 4088
I can't believe no one has said it yet - funeral homes are a dying industry.

Ok, seriously, I think the surviving family should have whatever kind of service makes them happy, whether it's scattering ashes at sea or a full fledged funeral home service. The thing is, it doesn't matter what YOU want, funerals are for the living not the deceased. It upsets me when a friend passes away and the spouse says “he/she didn't want a service”. I would respect it more if they said they wanted to have a private service or scatter ashes, but not to have any way for the rest of us to pay our respects seems wrong.

I haven't decided what kind of service to have for DH when he passes. It might be a full fledged funeral home service or just a celebration of life at our house. I’ll probably let his kids weigh in on it.

I do see an awful lot of people opting for the informal service instead of the funeral home and with the cost I can't say as I blame them.
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Old 10-13-2018, 04:19 PM
 
852 posts, read 3,209,550 times
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My parents divorced when I was pretty young. My father later remarried and they had two kids. They also moved pretty far, but my brother and I were in college by then. My father stayed involved, and we saw each other a couple of times a year.

When he died, my stepmother (who I never lived with) said he wanted cremation and a Celebration of Life, so that's what she had for him.

The ceremony was just a luncheon, with a table with pictures. His closest family and a couple of older friends were there, but most people were new friends from their community. Three people spoke for a few minutes, but that was it. It felt to me like any other lunch event.

Anyway, it's been hard for me. If I know him, he was being practical with his wishes, saving money and making the planning easy, which I understand. However, it feels like he was just erased from the earth. I'm not sure how much of my feelings have to do with being more removed since my stepmother is not my mother, and how much was the lack of a true grieving event. But, I'd say sentiment and who is there is important, maybe more so than the type of service.
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Old 10-13-2018, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
17,018 posts, read 51,872,942 times
Reputation: 28108
" The thing is, it doesn't matter what YOU want, funerals are for the living not the deceased."

That is too broad a statement. It really depends upon the religion or spiritual path of the deceased. Some religions have rituals intended to guide the deceased, certainly the Pharaoh and others in ancient Egypt were more concerned with their own afterlife than what the population thought. In any event, respecting the wishes of the deceased (when practical) DOES matter, as it is a final sign of respect.
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Old 10-13-2018, 07:44 PM
 
18,613 posts, read 12,065,456 times
Reputation: 12207
Quote:
Originally Posted by harry chickpea View Post
"The only real ripoff was the Obituary. I wrote it as he was dying at home, and it was 250 words and cost $400 to run in the paper. Good thing I didn't add a picture. Heaven knows what that would have cost."

Some papers are even more expensive. There is a way around this. Consider the purpose of an obit, and those will generally be found to be letting people know in the present, and then for genealogy and history. Use the newspaper for a two line obit and a link to a site like "forevermissed.com" where you can share photos, videos, and text as you will, for less than $100. Adding details to a place like ancestry.com will insure future generations know.
Always wonder about those near essay length obits one sees in the Sunday New York Times. That paper isn't exactly cheap but you have obits that go on for paragraph after paragraph, some fill almost an entire column and perhaps part of another.


When looking at a local hometown newspaper, have noticed for a few years now that am seeing less and less obituaries. At first simply chalked it up to better medical care or whatever meaning people are living longer. Now it dawns on me that people just might be foregoing having written obituaries.
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