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Old 10-13-2018, 07:51 PM
 
18,613 posts, read 12,065,456 times
Reputation: 12207

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonlady View Post
I can't believe no one has said it yet - funeral homes are a dying industry.

Ok, seriously, I think the surviving family should have whatever kind of service makes them happy, whether it's scattering ashes at sea or a full fledged funeral home service. The thing is, it doesn't matter what YOU want, funerals are for the living not the deceased. It upsets me when a friend passes away and the spouse says ďhe/she didn't want a serviceĒ. I would respect it more if they said they wanted to have a private service or scatter ashes, but not to have any way for the rest of us to pay our respects seems wrong.

I haven't decided what kind of service to have for DH when he passes. It might be a full fledged funeral home service or just a celebration of life at our house. Iíll probably let his kids weigh in on it.

I do see an awful lot of people opting for the informal service instead of the funeral home and with the cost I can't say as I blame them.
Yeah, small independent/family owned funeral homes are slowly going way of the Dodo. Many are selling out and or being bought by large funeral operators like Dignity Memorial: https://www.dignitymemorial.com/about-dignity-memorial


Or Legacy Funeral Group: How Michael Soper found his calling and launched Legacy Funeral Group - Smart Business Magazine


Another thing have noticed most local newspapers have farmed out their obituary sections. To place an obit in local Staten Island paper for instance you contact a place in New Jersey.
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Old 10-13-2018, 08:12 PM
 
438 posts, read 189,941 times
Reputation: 1743
Quote:
Originally Posted by harry chickpea View Post

...... In any event, respecting the wishes of the deceased (when practical) DOES matter, as it is a final sign of respect.
I absolutely agree that the last thing you can do for the deceased is to respect his/her wishes.
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Old 10-13-2018, 10:21 PM
 
624 posts, read 166,145 times
Reputation: 1495
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyDogToday View Post
The crematory where my spouse was taken posts a memorial page online as part of the service at no extra fee. There a photo and any kind of memorial can be posted as well as comments from friends and family.

An obituary in our local paper cost $500. Forget that!
Yeah, my Dad just published a 2-sentence obit in the local paper when Mom died, with a link to the funeral home site. I added DH's picture to the funeral home obituary since there was no extra fee.
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Old 10-14-2018, 09:34 AM
Status: "Get out the pirogue cher.." (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: Jollyville, TX
3,707 posts, read 9,159,247 times
Reputation: 4088
Quote:
Originally Posted by harry chickpea View Post
" The thing is, it doesn't matter what YOU want, funerals are for the living not the deceased."

That is too broad a statement. It really depends upon the religion or spiritual path of the deceased. Some religions have rituals intended to guide the deceased, certainly the Pharaoh and others in ancient Egypt were more concerned with their own afterlife than what the population thought. In any event, respecting the wishes of the deceased (when practical) DOES matter, as it is a final sign of respect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nefret View Post
I absolutely agree that the last thing you can do for the deceased is to respect his/her wishes.
I'm not saying you shouldn't respect the deceased wishes. I just meant that too often people use that as an excuse not to have any memorial service at all and that is a disservice to those of us who want to pay our respects. If the family doesn't want to have a service then that's OK too, but it should be their choice.
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Old 10-14-2018, 01:32 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,769 posts, read 18,389,663 times
Reputation: 19230
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonlady View Post
I'm not saying you shouldn't respect the deceased wishes. I just meant that too often people use that as an excuse not to have any memorial service at all and that is a disservice to those of us who want to pay our respects. If the family doesn't want to have a service then that's OK too, but it should be their choice.
Family have every "right" to do as they see fit. YOU wanting to go stand over and look at the body has no merit with what FAMILY want to do. Not many people do not have a wake or funeral of some sort if they can afford it, imo.
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Old 10-14-2018, 08:13 PM
Status: "Get out the pirogue cher.." (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: Jollyville, TX
3,707 posts, read 9,159,247 times
Reputation: 4088
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Family have every "right" to do as they see fit. YOU wanting to go stand over and look at the body has no merit with what FAMILY want to do. Not many people do not have a wake or funeral of some sort if they can afford it, imo.
I think you missed my earlier posts where I said it should be the family's decision. I also said I'd respect it if the family didnít want to have a service.
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Old 10-15-2018, 11:38 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,769 posts, read 18,389,663 times
Reputation: 19230
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonlady View Post
I think you missed my earlier posts where I said it should be the family's decision. I also said I'd respect it if the family didnít want to have a service.
Apparently I did. Pardon me.
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Old 10-15-2018, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Born in L.A. - NYC is Second Home - Rustbelt is Home Base
1,609 posts, read 659,284 times
Reputation: 1372
Op, cremation is only a few thousand dollars. (I think) A burial plot at a cemetery in L.A. was $25,000. Very $$ to die nowadays.
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Old 10-15-2018, 08:04 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
4,169 posts, read 1,874,517 times
Reputation: 14460
I think funerals are important but I'm one of those traditional people, I guess.

And I want a funeral. If I don't get a funeral; I will bother (haunt) my family until THEIR dying day & of course, for eternity.

I went straight to college with a ninth grade education & a baby; so no proms, homecomings or graduation party. I have been married twice but never had a bridal shower, bachelorette party or wedding (I've never even been a bridesmaid). I have had 11 children & have never had a baby shower. Eleven. No showers.

I have not had a birthday party for 36 years. I have never had an anniversary present or a valentine's day present. No housewarmings or going away parties from employment. My youngest son's dad has given me two Christmas presents in 15 years; a trail cam & a hammer (so I would stop stealing his). He has never given me a birthday present.

* editing to add: I've hosted tons of baptisms & multitudes of birthday parties & holiday dinners; so I must be ... alive.

I won't have a retirement party because I left employment to do the most important job in the world: Taking Care of Luke (who is now a 6'2", 220lb 14 year old with severe autism); so no payday, no raises & no holiday bonus.

So, I do want a funeral. Too bad I'll miss it.
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Old 10-16-2018, 10:16 PM
 
208 posts, read 107,387 times
Reputation: 460
I had no Memorial for my husband, we had no friends, all of his family lived 2200 miles away. Both of my friends lost their husbands, both had celebrations of life six months after their husbands died. I think more and more people are going this route
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