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Old 02-11-2017, 03:35 PM
 
1 posts, read 853 times
Reputation: 10

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My ex husband's mother passed away recently and I am helping out with all the arrangements including writing the obituary. Children are grown and live out of town so I am helping my father in law because he has health issues and can't get around, and frankly because he is important to me (I divorced their son not them). If I don't name myself in the obit my father-in-law will be upset, but don't want to name myself as my ex's (wife) so just left myself out. How do I mention me without offending anyone? Tried wording as mother of my kids but lots of grandchildren and it didn't sound right.

Last edited by Charlie Kas; 02-11-2017 at 03:36 PM.. Reason: word left out
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Old 02-11-2017, 04:15 PM
 
Location: State of Denial
1,664 posts, read 769,992 times
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I've seen someone described in an obit as "dear friend" or "long-time friend", i.e. "also missed by dear friend, Jane Doe" or "loving friend of Jane Doe". Maybe that kind of wording might work. Or just head directly into the truth, "also survived by former daughter-in-law Jane Doe".


Or just tell your former father-in-law that you don't want to offend anyone and would prefer to be left out of the obit. If needs be, just say it's not the proper form to mention former daughters-in-law, even if it actually is.
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Old 02-11-2017, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,471 posts, read 15,905,878 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jamary1 View Post
I've seen someone described in an obit as "dear friend" or "long-time friend", i.e. "also missed by dear friend, Jane Doe" or "loving friend of Jane Doe". Maybe that kind of wording might work. Or just head directly into the truth, "also survived by former daughter-in-law Jane Doe".


Or just tell your former father-in-law that you don't want to offend anyone and would prefer to be left out of the obit. If needs be, just say it's not the proper form to mention former daughters-in-law, even if it actually is.
Good points.
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Old 02-11-2017, 10:08 PM
 
6,013 posts, read 2,695,607 times
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I would just call yourself former daughter in law, and list your kids as grandchildren.
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Old 02-12-2017, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Philaburbia
31,164 posts, read 57,274,608 times
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Former daughter-in-law sounds right to me, listed at the end after grandchildren.
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Old 02-18-2017, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,163 posts, read 16,510,896 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohiogirl81 View Post
former daughter-in-law sounds right to me, listed at the end after grandchildren.
x2
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Old 02-18-2017, 10:10 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,840 posts, read 51,286,023 times
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"My ex husband's mother passed away"

As above, "dear friend" or "long-time friend" would be it, unless you had children by him. Your relationship at the time of her death is what counts. However, unless you were very close to her, mentioning yourself is not appropriate IMO. Obits are used for genealogy, not for general social connection reporting.

Look at it this way - if your divorce was rancorous, would you want to be mentioned in your ex's obit? Would you want to be mentioned in his brother's obit?

I am sorry for the loss of someone you were close to. Inserting yourself into an obit is not common. There really is no need.
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Old 02-18-2017, 11:57 PM
 
Location: The State Of California
9,122 posts, read 11,663,838 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlie Kas View Post
My ex husband's mother passed away recently and I am helping out with all the arrangements including writing the obituary. Children are grown and live out of town so I am helping my father in law because he has health issues and can't get around, and frankly because he is important to me (I divorced their son not them). If I don't name myself in the obit my father-in-law will be upset, but don't want to name myself as my ex's (wife) so just left myself out. How do I mention me without offending anyone? Tried wording as mother of my kids but lots of grandchildren and it didn't sound right.


If you are given the green light by your ex-father-in-law and his son your ex-husband and his siblings , then go for it.

What other people think really doesn't matter!!!
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