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Old 02-13-2017, 06:22 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 10 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,245 posts, read 50,519,955 times
Reputation: 60115

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That's creepy, KA, and it made me think. I can identify a couple of people I know who would glom onto drama that way.

My long-time friend, who lived out of state, lost her mother two years ago in late October. At Christmas, she came back and stayed with me and planned to have dinner Christmas Day with her sister. I went to visit my mother.

When I returned that night, she told me that my neighbor, who she met once or twice, was ringing my bell Christmas afternoon but she didn't answer. When I asked the neighbor about it the next day, she said she got done at her daughter's house and figured she would come "sit with" Judy before she went to meet her sister, because after all, SHE knows what it's like to lose a mother and I can't really know how my friend feels. This attempted intrusiveness really kind of freaked out my friend. She barely knows this woman who wanted to "sit with her" on the first Christmas after she lost her mother.

There are people who get excitement out of other people's personal lives. Thank goodness your daughter was there to protect you.
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Old 02-19-2017, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,959 posts, read 32,676,353 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
That's creepy, KA, and it made me think. I can identify a couple of people I know who would glom onto drama that way.

My long-time friend, who lived out of state, lost her mother two years ago in late October. At Christmas, she came back and stayed with me and planned to have dinner Christmas Day with her sister. I went to visit my mother.

When I returned that night, she told me that my neighbor, who she met once or twice, was ringing my bell Christmas afternoon but she didn't answer. When I asked the neighbor about it the next day, she said she got done at her daughter's house and figured she would come "sit with" Judy before she went to meet her sister, because after all, SHE knows what it's like to lose a mother and I can't really know how my friend feels. This attempted intrusiveness really kind of freaked out my friend. She barely knows this woman who wanted to "sit with her" on the first Christmas after she lost her mother.

There are people who get excitement out of other people's personal lives. Thank goodness your daughter was there to protect you.
Ugh! PEOPLE CAN BE SO FREAKING WEIRD.

I have to see these weird people at church every Sunday too - and they are still coming up to me with big, woeful eyes, patting on me and saying, "How are you holding up, dear?"

Fine. I'm FINE. Leave me alone! If I did have a problem, I sure wouldn't tell them!
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Old 02-21-2017, 06:08 AM
 
Location: Arizona
5,578 posts, read 4,785,001 times
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Once when my Mom was in the hospital her roommate had a constant stream of visitors. People from her church that had to be introduced to her! She did not even know these people. Then they sat there, and sat some more, and only left when others from the church came, were introduced, and needed their chair.

It wasn't restful for my Mom, pissed off the nurses, and caused me to give looks that went completely over their heads.
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Old 02-21-2017, 06:56 AM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 10 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,245 posts, read 50,519,955 times
Reputation: 60115
Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
Once when my Mom was in the hospital her roommate had a constant stream of visitors. People from her church that had to be introduced to her! She did not even know these people. Then they sat there, and sat some more, and only left when others from the church came, were introduced, and needed their chair.

It wasn't restful for my Mom, pissed off the nurses, and caused me to give looks that went completely over their heads.
I think someone needs to call the church pastor or other church leadership and tell them that this practice is intrusive and not welcome.

I know in some churches, they have committees assigned to visit the sick so they don't feel forgotten, but geez, they should at least KNOW the person.
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Old 02-21-2017, 12:04 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,249,971 times
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Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I think someone needs to call the church pastor or other church leadership and tell them that this practice is intrusive and not welcome.

I know in some churches, they have committees assigned to visit the sick so they don't feel forgotten, but geez, they should at least KNOW the person.
I agree. After my husband died, I mentioned, in passing, some of the hurtful and unhelpful things people had occasionally said to me at church ("God never gives us more than we can handle", "He's in a better place now," "God needed him in Heaven," etc.) and the pastor responded by giving a sermon on hurtful things we say because we have been told that they are OK, and what we should really say to people who are hurting. The pastor should be aware of these people because it is his/her job to provide for the spiritual needs of the congregation. If there are people in the congregation who are being destructive of the pastoral goal, it should be made known so that something can be done about it.
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Old 02-21-2017, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,959 posts, read 32,676,353 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I think someone needs to call the church pastor or other church leadership and tell them that this practice is intrusive and not welcome.

I know in some churches, they have committees assigned to visit the sick so they don't feel forgotten, but geez, they should at least KNOW the person.
I did discuss this behavior with my pastor and he was very compassionate and I believe he did say something to them because the texts and demands on my time stopped immediately. Thank God because I was about to resort to some unChristian like behavior!
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Old 02-21-2017, 12:56 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 10 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,245 posts, read 50,519,955 times
Reputation: 60115
Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
I agree. After my husband died, I mentioned, in passing, some of the hurtful and unhelpful things people had occasionally said to me at church ("God never gives us more than we can handle", "He's in a better place now," "God needed him in Heaven," etc.) and the pastor responded by giving a sermon on hurtful things we say because we have been told that they are OK, and what we should really say to people who are hurting. The pastor should be aware of these people because it is his/her job to provide for the spiritual needs of the congregation. If there are people in the congregation who are being destructive of the pastoral goal, it should be made known so that something can be done about it.
I don't like those meaningless phrases. They are dismissive of the mourner's feelings and serve only to make the people saying them feel comfortable about themselves.
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Old 02-21-2017, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,959 posts, read 32,676,353 times
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Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I don't like those meaningless phrases. They are dismissive of the mourner's feelings and serve only to make the people saying them feel comfortable about themselves.
You know what I appreciate? A heartfelt, "I am so sorry for your loss." Or "What a sad, difficult time for your family." Just an acknowledgement of the sorrow and grief and loss is better than any of those other empty phrases.
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Old 02-22-2017, 12:17 AM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,249,971 times
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Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
You know what I appreciate? A heartfelt, "I am so sorry for your loss." Or "What a sad, difficult time for your family." Just an acknowledgement of the sorrow and grief and loss is better than any of those other empty phrases.
I agree completely. I would very much rather have someone tell me they are sorry than one of those pat phrases. Most people do say they are sorry for my loss.
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Old 02-22-2017, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,959 posts, read 32,676,353 times
Reputation: 57073
Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
I agree completely. I would very much rather have someone tell me they are sorry than one of those pat phrases. Most people do say they are sorry for my loss.
And I am totally OK with that phrase because it rings true. No matter what other element of emotions is at play, nearly anyone can genuinely say "Oh, my - I am so sorry for your loss." I know that's how I feel when I hear of someone losing a loved one - genuinely sorry for their pain and the stress of the loss on the family and it's dynamics.
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