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Old 04-17-2017, 11:48 AM
 
9,666 posts, read 7,638,989 times
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Then there are those who criticize others who are grieving. Going through that right now, with the loss of a very dear friend of many years, just overnight. A mutual acquaintance had the audacity to tell me not to send a card mutual friends had signed at a gathering last week - then blasted me for not sending it earlier, as they had assumed I had done.

I had procrastinated, true, as no one expected our friend to leave us quite so soon - but also had some doubts about some of the messages on the card from people who clearly didn't know the situation well and had posted stuff like "Get well soon", etc. Well-intentioned, but not appropriate.

But the critic is one of those who has to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse or chief mourner at every funeral, and woe betide anyone - especially me, it seems - who does anything which threatens their need to be the main focus. So I am in the doghouse, and this individual included others on the critical email I received. Nice.

Of all times to pick a fight, the morning after death has got to be about the worst. As for the card, I will probably pass it to my friend's adult children at the visitation. As for the "critic", it would be a joy to never encounter them again. Not gonna happen, alas, so boundaries will tried instead.

Wish me luck. I am heartsick that this individual pulled this sort of hurtful stuff at such a time...just so unnecessary and out of place.
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Old 04-17-2017, 12:33 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,219 posts, read 50,499,962 times
Reputation: 60100
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
Then there are those who criticize others who are grieving. Going through that right now, with the loss of a very dear friend of many years, just overnight. A mutual acquaintance had the audacity to tell me not to send a card mutual friends had signed at a gathering last week - then blasted me for not sending it earlier, as they had assumed I had done.

I had procrastinated, true, as no one expected our friend to leave us quite so soon - but also had some doubts about some of the messages on the card from people who clearly didn't know the situation well and had posted stuff like "Get well soon", etc. Well-intentioned, but not appropriate.

But the critic is one of those who has to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse or chief mourner at every funeral, and woe betide anyone - especially me, it seems - who does anything which threatens their need to be the main focus. So I am in the doghouse, and this individual included others on the critical email I received. Nice.

Of all times to pick a fight, the morning after death has got to be about the worst. As for the card, I will probably pass it to my friend's adult children at the visitation. As for the "critic", it would be a joy to never encounter them again. Not gonna happen, alas, so boundaries will tried instead.

Wish me luck. I am heartsick that this individual pulled this sort of hurtful stuff at such a time...just so unnecessary and out of place.
I am sorry about the loss of your friend. The criticism was rude and unnecessary. What difference does it make now whether he or she received the card?

I get what you mean with the inappropriate card messages. I winced recently reading group emails to a man I know who has been under treatment for bladder cancer. The treatment was not successful, and so the only alternative left is to remove the bladder and wear an external bag for the rest of his life. He is in his early 50s. He was going in for the surgery, and a couple of the messages were these cheerful thoughts along the lines of "Get well soon!" and "Hoping you'll be back to your same old self shortly!" Well, no, he won't. He will never be his same old self. This is going to be a major, permanent change to his life, and while he can learn to live with it, it warrants more than a cheery, dismissive, "Get well soon".
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Old 04-17-2017, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,928 posts, read 24,052,828 times
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OH KA, I just lost hubbie last month and very thankful I did not have to endure what you did. Kudos to your daughter and mine would have done the same.
The food???? Please unless I know you very well it's going to the trash as I've no clue how clean your kitchen is, if you wash your hands and wipe down surfaces after touching meat, fish etc....ugh. If I were to make food for someone close I would also deliver it in new DISPOSABLE containers.
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Old 04-17-2017, 01:12 PM
 
4,840 posts, read 2,145,909 times
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Reading some of these incidents brings backs a reminder to be gentler to the living who are enduring a pending loss or are going thru the beginning stages of grief.

Over the weekend at work, in came a customer...laden with sorrow. I do my best to remain assistive to them in their product concerns yet this young lady needed more than a product. She so needed someone to tell her that her woes would subside and she would get thru this great burden. Her mom was dying and she came in to buy a necklace with her Moms' name on it, so she could carry her mom with her. I understood the importance of this act. The Young gal suffered from cerebral palsy so her speech at times was challenging. My heart wept for her. I turned to her after wrapping up her lovely item...and all I could utter was " I am so sorry"....Nothing more could come out. She seemed to accept that statement and said....She is My mom.
and with that, we both wept. I do not know this gals mom ....Yet in a very public place....I knew "of" this sorrow. Heck I'm weeping now for this young gal....
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Old 04-29-2017, 06:24 AM
 
9,666 posts, read 7,638,989 times
Reputation: 17504
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Reading some of these incidents brings backs a reminder to be gentler to the living who are enduring a pending loss or are going thru the beginning stages of grief.

Over the weekend at work, in came a customer...laden with sorrow. I do my best to remain assistive to them in their product concerns yet this young lady needed more than a product. She so needed someone to tell her that her woes would subside and she would get thru this great burden. Her mom was dying and she came in to buy a necklace with her Moms' name on it, so she could carry her mom with her. I understood the importance of this act. The Young gal suffered from cerebral palsy so her speech at times was challenging. My heart wept for her. I turned to her after wrapping up her lovely item...and all I could utter was " I am so sorry"....Nothing more could come out. She seemed to accept that statement and said....She is My mom.
and with that, we both wept. I do not know this gals mom ....Yet in a very public place....I knew "of" this sorrow. Heck I'm weeping now for this young gal....
What a blessing for this young lady to encounter someone with your empathy and kindness. That must have brought her some comfort during a time of intense loss and grief. Thank you for being so compassionate.
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