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Old 02-13-2017, 02:42 PM
 
Location: The house I built
308 posts, read 132,335 times
Reputation: 741

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My only date was having lunch with a lady I know from way back who lost her husband just a month before I lost my wife. I wouldn't really call it a date. More like just seeing an old friend. We talk once in awhile and message each other on occasion but it is nothing more than that.

I did sort of get an offer the other day? I am so dense I don't even know for sure. And truthfully it is a bit scary. I am so unsure of everything still. And my female interest detector has never functioned properly. I am dense. I do not pick up on subtlety. If someone is interested she will have to play cave woman and club me over the head and drag me off to the cave. And once I come to, she will have to explain that this is not a kidnapping, she just wants to date me.

For now I am going to just continue with my plan. I did start writing humor in my blog. I think that is a big positive that it is coming back to me.
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Old 02-13-2017, 03:08 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,101 posts, read 3,923,269 times
Reputation: 18770
Sometimes I think I'm completely over it (6 1/2 years) and then today at the grocery store, everybody seemed to be buying candy, cards and flowers for Valentine's Day tomorrow. I almost started crying in the store.
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Old 02-17-2017, 09:26 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
7,961 posts, read 6,710,786 times
Reputation: 10706
Quote:
Originally Posted by stevie60 View Post
I seem to be having a lot less of those emotional moments. I don't cry as often. I can finally look at her pictures and think about our times together without the tears. I am following my own program. I exercise, go to the gym, write my thoughts and feelings almost daily. I bury myself in my hobbies and projects. I have friends and family I chat with and a penpal or two.

I am still not dating yet. I plan to but for the moment I still want to work on me some more.

I think I avoid the things I know will be emotionally difficult. I will work up to those slowly. Anything we used to do together I have passed on for now.
When did she pass and was it expected?

My wife died 11/15 after having cancer for 5 years. We knew it would happen eventually so we had time to discuss and plan. We also knew when the end was within 90 days. Fortunately she was never in pain nor very sick but she was more and more tired out. That time and planning certainly helped. Did not make it easier, but it helped us to both be prepared.

As far as dating (been discussed out here many times), some say women grieve and men replace. I would not be that harsh on either gender but I believe it to be closer to actuality than many do. My wife was relatively easy to care for and we had the means to hire some help. That said, I could not (nor will not) do that for anyone else thus I made the decision to not get overly involved with another woman. I have chosen to go the Friend With Benefits route for my physical needs. As for the mechanics, I met my FWB about one year after my wife died. She is a much younger, single mother with two young children. We see each other for drinks, dinner, and play time about once a week.

I know my wife would want me to be happy and I assume yours would want the same thing for you so do what makes you happy regardless of what others may think and in many case, say. Neither of us likes the hand we were dealt, but you must play it.
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Old 02-18-2017, 12:34 PM
 
Location: The house I built
308 posts, read 132,335 times
Reputation: 741
Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
When did she pass and was it expected?

My wife died 11/15 after having cancer for 5 years. We knew it would happen eventually so we had time to discuss and plan. We also knew when the end was within 90 days. Fortunately she was never in pain nor very sick but she was more and more tired out. That time and planning certainly helped. Did not make it easier, but it helped us to both be prepared.

As far as dating (been discussed out here many times), some say women grieve and men replace. I would not be that harsh on either gender but I believe it to be closer to actuality than many do. My wife was relatively easy to care for and we had the means to hire some help. That said, I could not (nor will not) do that for anyone else thus I made the decision to not get overly involved with another woman. I have chosen to go the Friend With Benefits route for my physical needs. As for the mechanics, I met my FWB about one year after my wife died. She is a much younger, single mother with two young children. We see each other for drinks, dinner, and play time about once a week.

I know my wife would want me to be happy and I assume yours would want the same thing for you so do what makes you happy regardless of what others may think and in many case, say. Neither of us likes the hand we were dealt, but you must play it.
My wife passed nov 2016. Also cancer and we knew it was inevitable but there was never a time frame. I just rarely let myself think about it.

I agree, being a caregiver was really hard. It was 24/7 and some days you would just get numb. I would go to the garage and scream and then back into the house. I would not let her see my stress if I could help it. She had enough to deal with. I could never do that again. I am still traumatized.

Eventually I will date again and find someone. I am not so much about she has to look like this or be this age. But she absolutely has to be healthy and have healthy habits such as diet and regular exercise. Another gymrat would be a good start.
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Old 02-19-2017, 08:54 AM
 
632 posts, read 629,066 times
Reputation: 689
I have this death and dying side to me. Sometimes when people look at me they see me as this living dead person they need to straighten out like a picture hanging on the wall. I often times think at any moment the lord will take the life out of me and I will be called to heaven by the angels.

Overall I feel as if I am doing better after experiencing death throughout my life. I have been going to a grief and mourning self help group where I can openly talk about my feelings.
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Old 02-20-2017, 07:44 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,888 posts, read 32,658,014 times
Reputation: 57020
I lost my father unexpectedly - not a spouse. But I was very close to my dad. He has been dead now for nearly 4 months. I am at a point where I "believe" he is dead (rather than being shocked and not really accepting it). I can say and know and believe that "my father is dead." I can think of his death and his funeral without a panicky feeling.

Things really hit me unexpectedly though, and I guess they will for the rest of my life. For instance, in church yesterday, we sang several hymns that my dad loved. Suddenly I could see, in my mind, him standing there beside me (we went to church together) singing so heartily, and I could see his hands, those hands I loved so much and which I thankfully inherited, doing his little keeping time motions that he often did when he sang. He loved to sing and sang well, and he loved nothing better than a good, rousing old hymn!

I couldn't even sing - I got all choked up and finally just ended up standing there with tears running down my face. I just let it happen - I feel better when I allow my emotions about my dad to simply run their course.
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Old 02-21-2017, 12:17 PM
 
3,263 posts, read 2,839,361 times
Reputation: 4655
I wonder if missing MG will ever "get better". I can live alone. That's not the issue. It's just missing his presence, his chuckle, his mustache, his everything.
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Old 02-21-2017, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Carbondale, Illinois
24 posts, read 16,197 times
Reputation: 70
Default I feel exactly the same Metamorphisis

For me it was a hug, when I got home from my part-time job; bringing me a cup of coffee in bed, calling me by my nickname; asking if I want a coke; reading a book or seeing a program, I know he would enjoy, grocery shopping together, now it is sad to see couples shop together, just very simple little things. Last night I had a dream about him, that we were on vacation in the Blackhills and he was looking at a baby bison, it was so real, but he was also attending a legal seminar. Probably because I just threw out his continuing education certificates the other day. Only the third dream since he died 2.5 months ago, I wish I could have more, for a short time he is with me.
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Old 02-22-2017, 12:27 AM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,248,587 times
Reputation: 4549
It does get better, but that doesn't means you "get over it." I don't think I will ever stop loving or missing my husband. Even so, I am getting to a place where I am figuring out how to live by myself. It hasn't been easy, but I think the life ahead will be worthwhile. I want to be of service to others as well as having enjoyment and challenge. And I think I can do that. But that hole in my heart will always be there. There is a song my husband and I used to dance to, and which I played at his memorial service, and which is still rings true to me. The chorus goes: "The truth will be untrue, one and one will not be two, and I'll do something I'll never do, when I get over you."
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Old 03-19-2017, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
10,713 posts, read 19,047,945 times
Reputation: 14673
Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
It does get better, but that doesn't means you "get over it." I don't think I will ever stop loving or missing my husband. Even so, I am getting to a place where I am figuring out how to live by myself. It hasn't been easy, but I think the life ahead will be worthwhile. I want to be of service to others as well as having enjoyment and challenge. And I think I can do that. But that hole in my heart will always be there. There is a song my husband and I used to dance to, and which I played at his memorial service, and which is still rings true to me. The chorus goes: "The truth will be untrue, one and one will not be two, and I'll do something I'll never do, when I get over you."
That sounds lovely and I envy you. It's been 3 yrs. (recent anniversary) since my husband died and I am realizing that I've kind of blocked it out/gone through: knowing it was coming at some point, thinking it was a good thing, hating myself for thinking that, just trying to hang on, drinking too much, punishing myself by not eating, going crazy by shopping (which I can NOT afford). I live hrs. away from old-time friends, know some in the area more casually (acquaintances I suppose as I had issues before and my husband would say that, I can't understand the concept). I don't even know why I'm posting as I keep things inside (even from myself), feeling sorry for myself I suppose. I can't imagine living yrs. and yrs. like this yet I can't afford to do THINGS! Sorry, I should probably find some blog thing....
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