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Old 03-01-2017, 08:56 AM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 957,758 times
Reputation: 1753

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattie View Post
The real lesson to be learned is that nobody should depend on their parents for an inheritance. If you care for them, you help them in their infirm ages, not because you expect to be left compensation. They cared for us for us until we were adults.
I don't think she is saying that...a lot of children are insecure, needy, and dependent such as your children in college who you pay for and don't even pay for their own college or cars once they become adults, and they are just not as good enough as an independent child who does it all themselves. I guess you feel insecure in yourself as a parent if you put your foot down. Not all parents care for their lackluster children up until adulthood, so you shouldn't assume all parents are like you.

That being said, I think she is technically talking about EMOTIONAL support, and the money was just another game with them. But I guess you were not smart enough to see that when she posted.
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Old 03-01-2017, 10:21 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,319,241 times
Reputation: 32238
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post

My mother is not your mother, and I am not you. You should be just as grateful about the first fact as I am about the second.
Oh, I won the parental lottery. They were exception people. I spent a lot of my life being told (sometime by total strangers) how fabulous my parents were. I've no stories about the whack-ed up things my parents did to me. They started with nothing and gave us wonderful lives despite the fact they weren't loaded with money or large tracts of lands or loads of investments. (My father spent his career as an under-paid civil servant making sure rockets didn't blow up. He asked what he could do for his country....then did it.)

And I'm glad you're grateful that you are not me. That would be weird.

Last edited by DewDropInn; 03-01-2017 at 10:32 AM..
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Old 03-01-2017, 10:27 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,879 posts, read 32,642,286 times
Reputation: 57005
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
I don't think she is saying that...a lot of children are insecure, needy, and dependent such as your children in college who you pay for and don't even pay for their own college or cars once they become adults, and they are just not as good enough as an independent child who does it all themselves. I guess you feel insecure in yourself as a parent if you put your foot down. Not all parents care for their lackluster children up until adulthood, so you shouldn't assume all parents are like you.

That being said, I think she is technically talking about EMOTIONAL support, and the money was just another game with them. But I guess you were not smart enough to see that when she posted.
You nailed it.

Last edited by KathrynAragon; 03-01-2017 at 11:04 AM..
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Old 03-01-2017, 10:52 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,838 posts, read 51,286,023 times
Reputation: 27642
I would like to remind posters of a few things.

1. This is the grief and mourning forum - bickering and personal attacks are vile and insensitive and WILL be reported. Leave your hate and snark at the door.

2. The thread is about how to HELP others prepare for a passing - not an extensive recap of personal family relations.

3. Your posts here, more than most forums, reflect directly on you and your character.
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Old 03-01-2017, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,879 posts, read 32,642,286 times
Reputation: 57005
Quote:
Originally Posted by harry chickpea View Post
I would like to remind posters of a few things.

1. This is the grief and mourning forum - bickering and personal attacks are vile and insensitive and WILL be reported. Leave your hate and snark at the door.

2. The thread is about how to HELP others prepare for a passing - not an extensive recap of personal family relations.

3. Your posts here, more than most forums, reflect directly on you and your character.
I agree and please feel free to report any of my posts you find offensive. I think things have slid a bit out of control here and I've slipped into defensive mode. Maybe the mods will delete some posts or portions of posts. I just hope I don't get an infraction - LOL.

Honestly, I did have what I consider a very valid point originally, which was DO NOT LIE TO PEOPLE ABOUT INHERITANCES. Don't try to control from the grave. Live your life honestly and you can die with a clean conscience. I actually do feel sorry for my dad because I think he laid on his deathbed - with me taking care of him and refusing to leave his side - and thought, "Oh my - what have I done to her?" That must have been a terrible feeling.

I don't intend to feel that way on my deathbed.
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Old 03-01-2017, 11:29 AM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 957,758 times
Reputation: 1753
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Oh, I won the parental lottery. They were exception people. I spent a lot of my life being told (sometime by total strangers) how fabulous my parents were. I've no stories about the whack-ed up things my parents did to me. They started with nothing and gave us wonderful lives despite the fact they weren't loaded with money or large tracts of lands or loads of investments. (My father spent his career as an under-paid civil servant making sure rockets didn't blow up. He asked what he could do for his country....then did it.)

And I'm glad you're grateful that you are not me. That would be weird.
So you don't have character or integrity building blocks from your past concerning hurdles you had to get through, and that is okay! Some people have to learn integrity by books!
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Old 03-01-2017, 11:34 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,319,241 times
Reputation: 32238
Quote:
Originally Posted by harry chickpea View Post
It is all about authenticity in advice
That was my original goal. So here is the power point presentation:

When someone is dying it's not about you it's about them. It should remain about them when carrying out their final wishes.

Talk. Communicate. Let them lead the conversation. If they want to make amends, follow their lead. Don't unload and dump your problems on them. They have enough to deal with. Tell the dog if you need to unload.

Give as much comfort as possible.

Hug. Love. Laugh. Find the humor and go with the flow.

When they are gone.....forgive. Bitterness, hatred, bad feelings don't affect the dead. But they will chew up the living.

Last edited by DewDropInn; 03-01-2017 at 11:56 AM..
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Old 03-01-2017, 11:37 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,319,241 times
Reputation: 32238
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
So you don't have character or integrity building blocks from your past concerning hurdles you had to get through, and that is okay! Some people have to learn integrity by books!
Actually...I had a TON of hurdles. Most people do. Great parents does not equal an easy life.

Those hurdles probably makes me more sympathetic to people who are ill and/or reaching the end of their lives. See post #37.

Last edited by DewDropInn; 03-01-2017 at 11:48 AM..
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Old 03-01-2017, 11:41 AM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 957,758 times
Reputation: 1753
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
Actually...I had a TON of hurdles. Great parents does not equal an easy life.

Those hurdles probably makes me more sympathetic to people who are ill and/or reaching the end of their lives. See post #37.
I'm sorry, I guess I didn't see the evidence of compassion in your posts.
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Old 03-01-2017, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,879 posts, read 32,642,286 times
Reputation: 57005
Advice before passing:

While you and your family and friends are all alive, sort through the reality of your relationships with others. Don't focus on what you wish was there. Don't base your behavior on a fantasy you wish had been fulfilled. Don't base your behavior on what you hope will happen. Don't allow your moral choices to hinge on the moral choices of others. Base your behavior on a firm set of moral values and healthy personal boundaries.

Doing this will give you more peace of mind, and will make your decisions and choices easier for you to make. Things will come sharply into focus and the way will become much clearer.

I think if we all do this, we will end up with fewer regrets in life.
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