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Old 02-28-2017, 09:17 PM
 
Location: MID ATLANTIC
7,602 posts, read 17,639,445 times
Reputation: 8084

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I was at a funeral the other day and I hadn't seen any named charities or preferred gifts. Someone close the spouse said the spouse really could use the donation. This is for someone I've known for many years, not close, but not strangers, either. Knowing there is a need, I have no problem, but now am stuck on deciding on a correct amount. Initially, I was thinking $100 for flowers, and then the same for a charitable gift. But now that I am looking at a cash gift, I am wondering if it's too much or too little? I feel completely out of my element on this matter. An anonymous pass the hat would cure the indecisiveness - but I also don't want this to be awkward. Cash in the mail?
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Old 03-01-2017, 06:38 AM
 
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I don't really know any etiquette rules on this, but I do know my mother was in a precarious financial position after dad's death. She also wouldn't want outsiders to know, though.

I think you could send a nice card with cash and maybe a note saying you hoped this would help with the expenses. And if you want to be anonymous, that would be fine too.
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Old 03-01-2017, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
7,973 posts, read 6,728,842 times
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I would consider a sympathy card with cash in it and note along the lines of wanting to help cover expenses to be perfectly acceptable.
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Old 03-01-2017, 12:16 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,312 posts, read 50,576,723 times
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Cash in the mail isn't a great idea. Too easily stolen. Stick with checks.
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Old 03-02-2017, 05:57 AM
 
Location: MID ATLANTIC
7,602 posts, read 17,639,445 times
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Thanks for the feedback. I've decided there's no requirement to send USPS, or, it could be sent with confirmation. I will word it that it's to help with costs, but if not needed, to donate to charity or church of choice.
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Old 03-02-2017, 07:18 AM
 
3,281 posts, read 2,343,543 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
Cash in the mail isn't a great idea. Too easily stolen. Stick with checks.
I don't know. I've sent cash inside cards for birthdays and graduations for decades. I think most people do. It's much easier for the recipient.
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Old 03-05-2017, 01:12 PM
 
819 posts, read 1,318,015 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SmartMoney View Post
Thanks for the feedback. I've decided there's no requirement to send USPS, or, it could be sent with confirmation. I will word it that it's to help with costs, but if not needed, to donate to charity or church of choice.
Perfect.
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Old 03-07-2017, 02:44 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,312 posts, read 50,576,723 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KaraG View Post
I don't know. I've sent cash inside cards for birthdays and graduations for decades. I think most people do. It's much easier for the recipient.
I suppose as long as it isn't some big wad that can be felt through a card by an unscrupulous postal worker, it will probably get through. Still, I've heard stories of people receiving cards that have been torn open and cash apparently removed. I would be hesitant, but I am glad you haven't experienced that.
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Old 03-07-2017, 04:11 PM
 
9,834 posts, read 13,925,850 times
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Simply listen to your heart. You can not put a rule, a number onto it. You will regret any amount down the road anyway, that's humane. As too much or not enough.
I think, it's not the amount that worries you, but the act of giving itself. As you appear to be bound to its results. Again, not the amount. But, will me ego feel content with this or that? Drop the ego.
SIMPLY GIVE. None you'll take with you. Give and forget that you gave immediately.
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Old 03-10-2017, 05:40 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,496 posts, read 15,947,527 times
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When I have been involved with funerals of loved ones I have seen a very wide variety of cash/checks in the envelopes. Later, some people sent money or checks in sympathy cards.

Send whatever amount you feel comfortable giving to the family.
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