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Old 03-20-2017, 12:02 PM
 
3,263 posts, read 2,838,518 times
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It has been over 8 months since MG has been gone. I kept busy with his paperwork, selling his bike, the house, etc. It seems to be getting more difficult rather than easier.

I have to force myself to go to work, because pushing papers so that the boss can buy a new Farrari just doesn't seem important to me. Not much of anything seems important. The last 6 weekends or so have been spent taking 4- to 5-hour naps each day. I have many projects to do on my house, but sat and binge-watched Perry Mason movies (something I've never done before). I saw a movie at the theatre (something I haven't done in years, so it was nice), but then I went outside only once for about an hour the rest of the weekend. I'm finding it easier and easier to just sit.

The estate attorney needs me to make a list of financial things for him, but I'm dragging my feet, because it's one of the very last things that needs to be done. When it's done, there won't be anything left. (If that makes sense.). I can't even put into words how much I miss him.

I have to find a way to find some motivation, some amount of caring. I'm hoping that getting some apple bread baked will help. (I know, it sounds WAY too simple.) I've been encouraged to start volunteering, too . . .
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Old 03-20-2017, 12:33 PM
 
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Everyone grieves differently. Just take your time and do it how you see fit.

{{{hugs}}}
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Old 03-20-2017, 02:01 PM
 
Location: In a house
21,902 posts, read 20,895,074 times
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You aren't alone....I'm just a little over 2 years and still have days I just want to hide! As the convextech said--we all grieve differently. There is no right or wrong way or no time limit and do not let anyone tell you different. I felt the second year for me was harder--I guess reality finally set in. Just try to keep moving forward--even if you feel you are going backwards too. It's hard to see our improvements ourselves but others see them. Hang on! Volunteering is great for many people as it feels good to help others!
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Old 03-20-2017, 04:05 PM
 
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Thank you, C'tech & C'kat!

The only way I'll move forward to to pick myself up & make SOME effort. I know that MG would say, "Look at you, now. Tears and everything! It's time to stop." (He seemed to think that my tears were wasted on him, yet he deserved so much.)
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Old 03-20-2017, 04:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by metamorphosis View Post
I know that MG would say, "Look at you, now. Tears and everything! It's time to stop." (He seemed to think that my tears were wasted on him, yet he deserved so much.)
See there?

I cannot even imagine your pain, but I think that if I were in this situation, I might have a "What would XXXX do?" "What would he want?" conversation with myself.
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Old 03-20-2017, 09:10 PM
 
Location: Carbondale, Illinois
24 posts, read 16,188 times
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Metamorphosis, I know how you are feeling. For me it has been 3.5 months, yet seems worse these past two weeks. Maybe the first few months there is so much to do. I actually talk to him daily out loud, like he is here, and answer how he would. The hard part is there is no one to talk to about specific memories, like you see something, and you or they would comment, or just TV, saying oh we saw that episode, and getting up to hug me when I came home. I know the attorney problem, they called me when I was coming in, somehow, it was just to final and difficult. Have put it off until April. I am sorry we have to go through this, we will make it, but it is so difficult. I do not think there has been a day I have not cried. I work part-time, keep busy, go to a grief support group, have anti anxiety drugs, but rarely take them, only if high stress, walk a lot, go to yoga, I am not sure there is much more I can do to occupy my time.
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Old 03-20-2017, 09:21 PM
 
Location: sumter
7,183 posts, read 4,632,035 times
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So sorry for your loss, but as hard as it is,things will get better. Just hang in there and stay active, surround yourself with good people.
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Old 03-20-2017, 11:05 PM
 
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I loss my spouse in 2012 and i still have insomnia, and dred going to a part time job even though its a good job. I am still grieving my loss and have moved out of our house along with the memories but i still miss him.
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Old 03-20-2017, 11:56 PM
 
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I know it seems like an eternity, but 8 months isn't that long, when thinking about grieving. It was about 18 months when I finally began to believe I could have a life. During that time I moved, and did a lot of things, but I always felt tired and dragging, and really had to force myself to do all that needed to be done. (I still feel that way sometimes. You don't ever really "get over" the loss of someone you love.)

One thing about a major life change like this is that sometimes it forces you to look at your life to see if it is really what you want now. I don't mean to suggest that you can figure this out quickly - I'm at 2 years and 4 months, and I'm still trying to puzzle together how to live my life. The thing is that if you have lived for years as a couple, there are a multitude of things that you did together and in a way that is a blending of your two personalities. Losing your spouse may cause you to reassess everything from what you eat, to your daily schedule, what you read, to what you choose to do for work, and lots of other things. There are also a lot of shared or divided up responsibilities. One thing that happens right away is that you are responsible for EVERYTHING: all decisions big or little, all responsibilities, all the work of living. It is rough, and it is exhausting. Allow yourself to rest when you need to. Have patience with the process of grieving and with yourself. And by all means, take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, a good diet, get medical care if you have been putting that off, exercise, etc. Take care of yourself. Do things that may give you a bit of pleasure (like the apple bread.) Many people also find the beauty of nature to help them with calming their wounded hearts. Do you have someone to talk to? That is also very healing. At some point, there will be a dawning of light again in your life.

Peace and Blessings.
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Old 03-21-2017, 09:53 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,104 posts, read 17,634,355 times
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I know when I was a widow at 36 and I stayed to myself for ten years yep and raised my kids by myself ,we had to move a lot . I think the kids and moving a lot helped . Sometimes it does help to get out of the place that you were living with that person . I know a co worker who just lost her spouse has now decided to move down to be near her son in case she needs help and he and the other son are coming to help her move out and be done with the house she has shared for the last 20 years with the late husband . So she will leave her job and find another one closer to her new home . what I guess I m trying to say is that life is an adventure and she is moving on to her new adventure it takes time and you will start to breathe again and go out and meet new people and friends let yourself be open to that .
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