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Old 03-24-2017, 12:16 PM
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Both my company Co workers donated cash and a food tray for my family loss. My close relatives contributed voluntarily to the funeral cost. I spent days weeping and sending out thank you cards. So yes, in my area is common to donate .
Will agree the "call if you need anything" was quickly thwarted. Guess once the body was cold...So were some offers. Only two friends came thru when I needed help. That's two folks that mean well.
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Old 03-24-2017, 12:23 PM
Location: Bay Area California
711 posts, read 389,244 times
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That's a really interesting question Dizzybint.

I do think a lot of it is timing and organization. When someone marries or has a baby, there are showers, registries, etc etc. When someone dies, especially if it's sudden there's obviously nothing planned. Often after the fact, you'll see requests for donations to a charity and there are occasionally requests for funds to help the family. Those requests though aren't seen by a lot of people. And if you're someone who didn't know the family or the person who passed really well, you may not be aware that a donation would be welcomed.

Personally, I'd much rather give money to a family member or to a fund to help the family rather than buy flowers.

I confess that I've done the "call if you need anything" statement - particularly for someone I don't know really well. It's hard to tell sometimes what someone might need and I hate to feel intrusive. For those I do know better though I do take the initiative and do the things that I know would be helpful.
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Old 03-24-2017, 12:49 PM
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A great way of helping was in my church's .......funeral lunch program

At the beginning of the year, you pay your dues ......$15 covers family.......$7.50 individual.

You don't have to join but nearly everyone does.

The members are divided into 4 or 6 groups.
The groups rotate on who is expected to help work/cook at the funeral luncheon after the funeral. ( usually in church basement or cafeteria area)

All food is paid for by the dues except for the main meat. All food is prepared in the kitchen at the church
Group members bring deserts.

Afterwards, the area is cleaned by that group, dishes are washed, and any left over food is sent home with the immediate family.

It really made it easy after my wife died.
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Old 03-24-2017, 01:10 PM
Location: Glasgow Scotland
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Originally Posted by njkate View Post
My husband just passed away. Funerals are expensive and for the most part the funeral homes want the money up front and not wait for insurance.

One of the nicest things I received was a card from a friend with a $100 bill inside and a note telling me to do something for myself, dinner, manicure just do something for me.

I was fortunate where I wasn't in need of the money but thought it very nice.
a lovely thoughtful person... I always think of someone having to worry about paying for food or whatever at a funeral , as if they dont have enough to worry them..
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Old 03-24-2017, 01:27 PM
Location: South Carolina
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my co workers mother passed and the company donated a thousand dollars to the employee to do whatever with and they also gave her two weeks bereavement . now this is not normal I know because when my first husband passed I got two hundred dollars all together and that went to pay for school clothes for the following year of school ,
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Old 03-24-2017, 01:30 PM
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People DO give gifts. We got a lot of food delivered to our home for months, the church made the memorial dinner as part of the service (volunteer food and serving), I had many offers of help around the house and my subsequent moving, and took people up on it sometimes. I had free counseling through the Stephen Ministry at church, I had neighbors who did a lot of small jobs for me until I got on my feet, etc. Gifts do not have to be tied up with a ribbon or in an envelope. To me the most meaningful gifts caring, time and effort.
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Old 03-24-2017, 01:44 PM
Location: Middle of the ocean
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Money is given in the cards for funerals here.
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
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Old 03-24-2017, 02:07 PM
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This is very interesting as in my family I have never heard of money given at a funeral, even having lived in several states up and down the East coast. Friends and neighbors would bring food and mow the lawn, etc.

My MIL mentioned money once for a more distant relative (widow) and I thought it would be insulting to her. Glad to hear another side of the coin.

I have heard of a charity named in lieu of flowers. My father wanted no money requested for anything as he just didn't like the idea of suggesting a money contribution. Instead he asked that his obit say if someone wanted to remember him, they could do a good deed or favor for another person.

I learn a lot on this forum!
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Old 03-24-2017, 02:19 PM
Location: North State (California)
28,570 posts, read 2,219,470 times
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When my Aunts first husband died, many of her Chinese neighbors gave her money. She did not need it, but it was the custom, she lived in a Chinese heavy area( in San Francisco). But she did appreciate it. Many times a charity is named in lieu of flowers. I have my favorite charity named instead of flowers for my death. I would be happy to donate money instead of a charity if that was the family wish.
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Old 03-24-2017, 02:27 PM
Location: Mid-Atlantic
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Putting cash in a card was common where I grew up--Northeastern PA. If you couldn't manage that, you gave some sort of food or ran errands, did chores.

Even when you think you're prepared, you're not always prepared.

When my son was born, my father and mother-in-law paid for a Polish Women's Alliance of America life insurance policy for him. Paid up from the get go. That money won't go very far these days, but it's something.
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