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Old 03-24-2017, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,706 posts, read 21,760,954 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Not everything is so dramatic, you missed the entire point and I why would I care what happens in Japan.
I've been reading you for years and I still don't get you.
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Old 03-25-2017, 04:25 AM
 
Location: Lake Arrowhead, Waleska, GA
1,080 posts, read 717,776 times
Reputation: 1557
Quote:
Originally Posted by dizzybint View Post
i was just thinking about funerals and how expensive they are and how some families have to scramble money together if the death was a young person or unexepected.... There are always the hand holders who say.. "if theres anything I can do.. anything at all just call on me", what utter tosh.... why not shove fifty quid in along with the sympathy card to help the grieving family instead of false sentiment... My aunt was left quite poor after my uncles death and some men from his Buffalo club came to the house, He had been in the Bufflaloes most of his life.... and they came away with the same old song.... "Now Mrs Brown, if you need anything at all phone the club". now she would have been the last person to phone his club as he drank there all his life and made it his first home.. Why couldnt they have helped her out then and there.. it was pathetic and it does ease stress if people are struggling with money problems, Im all for giving to the grieving family rather than showing up with big fancy wedding , birthday and christening presents.. Any views on this..
In quite a few instances, especially where a death is unexpected or the family has already incurred major medical costs/debts, my family and I have given money to help with the funeral and burial/cremation. I didn't discover this until my grandmother's death in 2012, but my grandfather (who died in 1998) completely paid for at least four funerals of less fortunate individuals. I only learned about it when I found the records when I was cleaning out her house. I contacted the funeral home to learn that he had done this anonymously in at least three of those situations. He was a fine man and I try to follow his example as much as I possibly can.

A lot of people, at least here in the U.S., feel that giving money is inappropriate or it might embarrass the family. I think that's a load of crap and there's nothing inappropriate about helping someone financially at one of the worst times of their life. If you don't feel comfortable giving the money directly to the family, give it to the funeral director on behalf of the family and ask to remain anonymous. I can't think of anything that would help more than to ease the financial burden of grieving loved ones.

A custom that seems to be especially prevalent in the U.S. is to send expensive flower arrangements (that end rotting on the grave). I'd rather give my $75 or $100 to the family than to a florist for something that will be discarded in a few days.

I'm glad you mentioned the "if there's anything I can do" sentiment that is spoken all too often. I know that a lot of people who say that genuinely mean it. But I also know plenty of people who say it knowing that they'll never be called to back it up with action. Instead, especially if I am close to the family or it's a member of my extended family (cousins, etc.), I try to determine specifically what I can do to help. For example, I might say something like, "I'm taking the kids to school and picking them up for the next two weeks and I'll be bringing dinner every night as well...and I won't take NO for an answer!" It doesn't put them in the position of having to ask for my help, but it's something practical to ease their burden a tiny bit...
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Old 03-25-2017, 07:34 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,103 posts, read 3,923,269 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate View Post
My husband just passed away. Funerals are expensive and for the most part the funeral homes want the money up front and not wait for insurance.

One of the nicest things I received was a card from a friend with a $100 bill inside and a note telling me to do something for myself, dinner, manicure just do something for me.

I was fortunate where I wasn't in need of the money but thought it very nice.

I am sorry for your loss njkate.
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Old 03-25-2017, 11:08 AM
 
Location: North Idaho
20,999 posts, read 25,750,723 times
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People do give gifts at funerals. They buy flowers or they donate to a charity that the survivors identify.

They go to wakes and take casseroles and baked goods so the survivors don't have to cook for the first week or two.

An expensive funeral is something that the survivors have decided to do for themselves. Cremation is probably about $300. Anything above that is by personal choice and not done for the deceased
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Old 03-25-2017, 11:33 AM
 
4,316 posts, read 2,149,963 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke View Post
People do give gifts at funerals. They buy flowers or they donate to a charity that the survivors identify.

They go to wakes and take casseroles and baked goods so the survivors don't have to cook for the first week or two.

An expensive funeral is something that the survivors have decided to do for themselves. Cremation is probably about $300. Anything above that is by personal choice and not done for the deceased
Where can you get cremation for $300 ?


I live in a low cost /low wage state and a billboard advertising $800 is the cheapest I've seen anywhere.


Also incorrect about your last sentence is the insinuation that anything beyond cremation is the ...survivors..choice.


Many people have stated their wishes while alive and for many it is more than just a cremation.


You paint with too broad a brush .
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Old 03-25-2017, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,505 posts, read 11,481,746 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Not everything is so dramatic, you missed the entire point and I why would I care what happens in Japan.
Im puzzled by that statement.
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Old 03-25-2017, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,505 posts, read 11,481,746 times
Reputation: 21003
I remember the shock my mother got when my stepdad died.. she had thought he had plenty of insurance to cover it but hadnt.. it caused her a lot of worry and the close family had to help with the rest..
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Old 03-25-2017, 04:34 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
10,638 posts, read 3,314,105 times
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All funerals I've been to people give cards typically with money to help out with funeral expenses. Never heard of anyone not doing this!
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Old 03-25-2017, 10:23 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,249,971 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam View Post
but they usually don't mean it. Many people said that to me when my mother died. They didn't mean
Well, maybe not. But I think people often do mean it, but they have no idea what could help, and they feel to pushy if they make suggestions, etc. As in my note above, it takes two to actually agree on an action of helping.

My condolences on the loss of your mother.
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Old 03-26-2017, 07:55 AM
 
11,623 posts, read 5,457,812 times
Reputation: 10994
Quote:
Originally Posted by David A Stone View Post
Where can you get cremation for $300 ?


I live in a low cost /low wage state and a billboard advertising $800 is the cheapest I've seen anywhere.


Also incorrect about your last sentence is the insinuation that anything beyond cremation is the ...survivors..choice.


Many people have stated their wishes while alive and for many it is more than just a cremation.


You paint with too broad a brush .
It's $150 for a cat. A dog would cost $300. People can't have it for $300. I've not even seen $800.
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