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Old 03-24-2017, 07:15 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,560 posts, read 11,601,828 times
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i was just thinking about funerals and how expensive they are and how some families have to scramble money together if the death was a young person or unexepected.... There are always the hand holders who say.. "if theres anything I can do.. anything at all just call on me", what utter tosh.... why not shove fifty quid in along with the sympathy card to help the grieving family instead of false sentiment... My aunt was left quite poor after my uncles death and some men from his Buffalo club came to the house, He had been in the Bufflaloes most of his life.... and they came away with the same old song.... "Now Mrs Brown, if you need anything at all phone the club". now she would have been the last person to phone his club as he drank there all his life and made it his first home.. Why couldnt they have helped her out then and there.. it was pathetic and it does ease stress if people are struggling with money problems, Im all for giving to the grieving family rather than showing up with big fancy wedding , birthday and christening presents.. Any views on this..
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Old 03-24-2017, 07:19 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 38,068,706 times
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Everyone will die at some point and it is not the responsibility of anyone else to pay for their funeral. Being prepared for the future departing should be a priority for everyone no matter what age they are.
In reality though if you wish to give the family money that is your choice to do so, just don't expect others to willingly follow your choice.
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Old 03-24-2017, 07:25 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,560 posts, read 11,601,828 times
Reputation: 21062
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Everyone will die at some point and it is not the responsibility of anyone else to pay for their funeral. Being prepared for the future departing should be a priority for everyone no matter what age they are.
In reality though if you wish to give the family money that is your choice to do so, just don't expect others to willingly follow your choice.
at some point we marry, get engaged , have babies, is everyone responsible for that too or not..and why at funerals does almost everyone come out with the same words.....IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL, knowing full well that person would never ask... its fake. just read that they do it in Japan its called Koden....

Last edited by dizzybint; 03-24-2017 at 07:44 AM..
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Old 03-24-2017, 09:32 AM
 
4,316 posts, read 2,184,453 times
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In my area of Minnesota, when you enter a funeral home for a wake/ visitation, there is a stand with a guest book.


Off to the side are envelopes where you can put a donation in and state where that money is designated...........a charity or........"family's discretion"

Nearly 90% of people check off.......family discretion...

Many funerals that amounts to several hundred dollars.
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Old 03-24-2017, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,560 posts, read 11,601,828 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by David A Stone View Post
In my area of Minnesota, when you enter a funeral home for a wake/ visitation, there is a stand with a guest book.


Off to the side are envelopes where you can put a donation in and state where that money is designated...........a charity or........"family's discretion"

Nearly 90% of people check off.......family discretion...

Many funerals that amounts to several hundred dollars.
At a funeral last year I did notice boxes for a charity at the door.. so this must be quite a new idea, maybe instead of flowers.. which really is a better way to help... but the family Id rather give to. even if its only a few pounds, if everyone gave a small amount it would help a lot for the family.
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Old 03-24-2017, 10:37 AM
 
4,316 posts, read 2,184,453 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Everyone will die at some point and it is not the responsibility of anyone else to pay for their funeral. Being prepared for the future departing should be a priority for everyone no matter what age they are.
In reality though if you wish to give the family money that is your choice to do so, just don't expect others to willingly follow your choice.
However, every place I have ever worked took up a collection for a co-worker if a member of his immediate family died.
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Old 03-24-2017, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,951 posts, read 24,152,977 times
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My husband just passed away. Funerals are expensive and for the most part the funeral homes want the money up front and not wait for insurance.

One of the nicest things I received was a card from a friend with a $100 bill inside and a note telling me to do something for myself, dinner, manicure just do something for me.

I was fortunate where I wasn't in need of the money but thought it very nice.
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Old 03-24-2017, 11:35 AM
 
5,271 posts, read 3,047,687 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by David A Stone View Post
In my area of Minnesota, when you enter a funeral home for a wake/ visitation, there is a stand with a guest book.


Off to the side are envelopes where you can put a donation in and state where that money is designated...........a charity or........"family's discretion"

Nearly 90% of people check off.......family discretion...

Many funerals that amounts to several hundred dollars.
I live in MN, too. I can't ever remember NOT bringing a card with money in it to a memorial service or funeral. In fact I'm surprised that this isn't common practice.

There are times when the family will request money be donated to a specific organization, though.

And I don't believe that everyone who says they want to help is lying. The best way to do this is to wait a couple of months when things have slowed down and lots of mourners have gone back to their daily routines. I think that's the time when loved ones may feel the most alone and appreciative of a visit. During the visit is when you get the opportunity to discuss the various ways you can be of assistance. Trying to do that at a funeral doesn't work too well.

Say it then and follow through later, right?
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Old 03-24-2017, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,529 posts, read 16,075,835 times
Reputation: 39022
Quote:
Originally Posted by David A Stone View Post
In my area of Minnesota, when you enter a funeral home for a wake/ visitation, there is a stand with a guest book.


Off to the side are envelopes where you can put a donation in and state where that money is designated...........a charity or........"family's discretion"

Nearly 90% of people check off.......family discretion...

Many funerals that amounts to several hundred dollars.
This also happens in Wisconsin. A relative was left in a pretty bad situation after her husband unexpectantly passed away. I heard through the grapevine that she received $2,000 or $3,000 which really helped with her immediate expenses. Two children lived out of state and needed to fly home, her job did not allow sick days or funeral leave so her income dropped, her husband's retirement income ended when he died, because he had been disabled for a long time he did not have insurance.

Even the after funeral meal cost several hundred dollars (as the church required that it be catered in) which had to be paid for that day.
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Old 03-24-2017, 12:02 PM
 
886 posts, read 360,364 times
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Re: Question in title of thread -

Maybe every circle of family and friends is different but in ours, when people die, it IS customary to give the family or surviving spouse money in a card, food, our time, etc.

In fact, I remember when my first husband passed away, I got a lot of financial help from family but also from mourners who sent me cash or checks which I thought was extremely kind.

Also, when my current husband's mom passed away a few years ago, mourners sent cards with money to the family. It was a beautiful gesture.

We pretty much always take the initiative to help the surviving loved ones with whatever they need & don't tell them "Call if there's anything I can do."

I have seen many people being generous to others in the times of funerals up North, down South, and in the Caribbean. OP, I'm sorry you have had more negative experiences.

Last edited by TruckWife518; 03-24-2017 at 12:22 PM..
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