U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-27-2017, 07:19 PM
 
Location: 2 blocks from bay in L.I, NY
1,588 posts, read 1,276,254 times
Reputation: 2482

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi View Post
And this is something that the mere thought of terrified me as a child.

She was supposed to be discharged from the Rehab facility she had been in for a week and a half following a week & a half in the hospital & ICU.

My dad went to go bring her home … And found the ambulance, FD & PD rushing around by her room. And she was gone.

My beautiful mother is gone.

I was a difficult to love child, the schools told her I was “retarded” & she refused to accept it. She demanded I be retested with a different test & when they noted that I was reading at the level of of a HS graduate (in the 2nd grade) they said “Well; she’s not retarded but there is something wrong with her!”

Later as an adult, at her insistence, I was tested & found to be ASD.

She told me everyday that I was brilliant but never told me I was pretty.

Truth is; I actually was pretty but not brilliant. Years later she told me her goal was to raise a girl into an independent woman & that would be achieved if I had more confidence in my brain than in my looks. She said “People used to tell me what a beautiful little girl I had all the time; I didn’t want you to get a fat head & think you didn’t have to work for anything.”

When she started Kindergarten in the Denver public schools, she didn’t even speak English. But she graduated at the age of 16 & went on to become a Biochemist (PhD), Registered Dietician & Professor. Fluent in 3 languages.

She’s a tough act to follow. I miss my mom.
It was wonderful reading this. You have my condolences. May she rest in peace.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-27-2017, 07:23 PM
 
1,137 posts, read 1,759,337 times
Reputation: 1129
Wow, your mom sounds amazing.

As a mom (who loves her boys beyond words), create a wonderful life for yourself. It's truly the best gift you can give your mom.

Alley
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-27-2017, 07:52 PM
 
2,509 posts, read 1,284,331 times
Reputation: 6660
Aww, I am so sorry for your loss, and what you said about your son's reaction was just precious. Hugs to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2017, 08:43 AM
 
70 posts, read 53,216 times
Reputation: 72
She sounds like an amazing woman. I am so sorry for your loss and I wish you healing and strength during this time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2017, 04:02 PM
 
4,804 posts, read 1,355,105 times
Reputation: 4771
Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi View Post
And this is something that the mere thought of terrified me as a child.

She was supposed to be discharged from the Rehab facility she had been in for a week and a half following a week & a half in the hospital & ICU. My dad went to go bring her home … And found the ambulance, FD & PD rushing around by her room. And she was gone.

My beautiful mother is gone.

I was a difficult to love child, the schools told her I was “retarded” & she refused to accept it. She demanded I be retested with a different test & when they noted that I was reading at the level of of a HS graduate (in the 2nd grade) they said “Well; she’s not retarded but there is something wrong with her!”

Later as an adult, at her insistence, I was tested & found to be ASD. She told me everyday that I was brilliant but never told me I was pretty.

Truth is; I actually was pretty but not brilliant. Years later she told me her goal was to raise a girl into an independent woman & that would be achieved if I had more confidence in my brain than in my looks. She said “People used to tell me what a beautiful little girl I had all the time; I didn’t want you to get a fat head & think you didn’t have to work for anything.”

When she started Kindergarten in the Denver public schools, she didn’t even speak English. But she graduated at the age of 16 & went on to become a Biochemist (PhD), Registered Dietician & Professor. Fluent in 3 languages.

She’s a tough act to follow. I miss my mom.

The more I think about your post, the nicer it seems. I love the idea of your mother realizing how much better it is to train a daughter to place more reliance on her brains than on her looks. And what a marvelous example she set, as a multi-lingual scientist. My mother was a little bit in the same vein. Although she (erroneously) thought me wonderful in every category, it wasn't until I was older that I noticed how, for instance, she used to give me biographies of famous women in history.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-30-2017, 03:34 PM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,039,895 times
Reputation: 25076
I'm very sorry for your loss. Wishing you peace and comfort.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-07-2017, 07:18 PM
 
26,163 posts, read 14,457,966 times
Reputation: 17235
Unhappy  

Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi
She’s a tough act to follow. I miss my mom.
Ahhh honey I am so sorry....

Your ma loved you ALOT and you did the best you could

Im proud of you
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-17-2017, 12:31 AM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,996 posts, read 1,776,085 times
Reputation: 13784
Default I'm back & I really missed CD!

Well; I’m back. I was hoping to come back & write about all the “work” I’ve done with grief & healing but I guess that may have been an unrealistic goal.

I’ve struggled with thinking that our family would have been better served if it would have been me instead. My mom just set the bar that high. I’m afraid that everyone is thinking “Now what?”, looking at me & then thinking “Um … Never mind.”

Maybe it’s the PTSD I was diagnosed with over 20 years ago after my daughter died. Or, maybe I’m just not good enough to be able to care for a handicapped adolescent (who has grown 3 inches taller since my mom died) & grieve in a healthy manner, all at the same time.

With the exception of school (which is basically going all day with the tension growing as I wait for that phone call) I have not “had lunch” or “drinks” since 2010. I don’t think I’ve had an uninterrupted, in person conversation with an adult that lasted longer than 3 minutes since around 2013.

So; I woke up this morning & the very first thing that popped into my head was “I need help.” I emailed his case worker & said “Actually; yes. There IS something else I need. I’m filing out that form you sent me last year for that respite care service.”

Luke has a state waiver that will pay for it but until now I only use it for his therapy because I’m not confident that they can handle him (although I’ve been told otherwise). I hope they can. If not, I hope I realize it before there is loss of life or limb or at least expensive property damage.

I know he needs it too. He’s been getting frustrated that he can’t do what his twin sisters do. I’m basically lying to him & telling him it’s “because they are in High School”.

Last week, in the car, he said: “Everywhere I go. You will be there. Everywhere.”

And not with a “You are such an awesome mom!” tone … More like a “This is so lame”; tone.

A few days ago he made a video by pasting together “epic scream” moments from several cartoon characters. It’s all “NOOOO!” & “EEEEEE!” clips & he titled it:

“My Reaction To (mom) Telling Me I Have To Wait For High School”. And posted it online (sigh).

At least he’s smart enough to figure out how to scream at me without having the ability to “use his words”.

I’m trying to talk myself out of talking myself out of it … It would only be for a few hours a week. Maybe it will help him. Maybe it will help me?

I put a few pictures in an album on my profile here about my mom; because I’m just so darn proud to have had her as my mother. I wasn’t even able to look at them until yesterday but I feel like it helped a little to do this now. Thanks for having me back!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top