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Old 03-26-2017, 09:47 PM
 
Location: Sonoran Desert, AZ
2,838 posts, read 1,161,584 times
Reputation: 6053

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Aloha to all - Tomorrow marks 1 year since I lost my lovely bride of 12 years from lung cancer. Needless to say, while the loss is still palpable, it is now manageable. This is the second time I have been thru this (my first wife of 38 years died of ALS in 2002) and let me tell you it does not get easier with practice. I suppose that is partly the difference between 55 and 69, and between working full time and being retired. I dunno.

Mahalo (thanks) to all of you who offered your support last year. It was a blessing. And for those of you who are just starting this journey, I encourage you to use this forum as a place to seek advise or to just vent. It helps. Just know that you are not alone.

Peace and love
Hoot

Last edited by Buckeye77; 03-26-2017 at 09:58 PM..
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Old 03-27-2017, 02:51 PM
 
Location: East of the Sun
448 posts, read 303,665 times
Reputation: 591
Aloha. It never gets easier. I prepared constantly for the five years after my missus was diagnosed and thought I could handle it. When it finally happened I fell apart.
Aloha from Makiki.
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Old 03-27-2017, 03:35 PM
 
3,263 posts, read 2,838,518 times
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The mind can prepare you on one level while the heart does exactly what it wants.
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Old 03-28-2017, 12:23 AM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,248,587 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Worren View Post
Aloha. It never gets easier. I prepared constantly for the five years after my missus was diagnosed and thought I could handle it. When it finally happened I fell apart.
Aloha from Makiki.
I had the same experience. After almost 4 years of care-giving, I hoped that somehow my heart would be prepared for my husband's loss. No way. The confusion, shock and grief was like nothing I had ever experienced or even imagined. Since then, I have said that you can prepare logistically, getting accounts into order and such. But you can't prepare your heart. It does what it does.
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Old 03-28-2017, 06:07 AM
 
Location: 76102
3,200 posts, read 1,485,423 times
Reputation: 9571
I dread having to go through this. I've always told my husband I want to go first. I couldn't bear the grief.
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Old 03-28-2017, 10:36 AM
 
3,962 posts, read 5,248,587 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mschrief View Post
I dread having to go through this. I've always told my husband I want to go first. I couldn't bear the grief.
Yes. I have many times thought that I was glad my husband could not have understood the grief and pain of the loss. If he had, it would have made him feel much worse about dying and leaving me to grieve. The thing is that we can't control who goes first. I understand your sentiment completely. But I think people do bear the unbearable and most often do eventually emerge to claim life again.
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