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Old 03-29-2017, 08:28 PM
 
16,785 posts, read 19,628,561 times
Reputation: 33226

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Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603 View Post
I think you are using the money as an excuse. I just don't get you. We are burying my Mother this week--I just naturally ordered flowers that included all of our names. We are a family--even though my sons are adults with good paying jobs. Never even thought for a second about who is going to pay for the flowers or if I should include their names.

Sorry--it is not about the money--something else is going on in your family to leave them out like that. You knew what you were doing... You can either choose to be part of a solution or part of a problem. You picked "problem" at a really horrible time.

That was tacky--funerals are not the time to do this kind of thing.
Sorry to the OP and also to you for you losses.

Agree, sounds like something else is going on, and it's not the appropriate time.

I wonder is this a step-son and this is a second marriage?
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Old 03-29-2017, 08:35 PM
 
1,156 posts, read 2,289,212 times
Reputation: 3401
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Just to show the difference in families, when my parents died the "family flowers" on & in the casket (beloved wife, mother, grandmother, father, grandfather) were purchased from the estate.

so in other words- your dead parents paid for their own flowers............ok...........

In my family, and that includes aunts/uncles/cousins adult children would never buy/send their own flowers to their parents funeral separate from the "family flowers" on the casket. Frankly, I do not recall adult children buying/sending separate flowers to any funerals of parents that I have attended. Perhaps, there are different expectations in other parts of the country.
well- if they don't send them - how do they get there? The funeral flower fairy?
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Old 03-29-2017, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,466 posts, read 15,905,878 times
Reputation: 38730
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Just to show the difference in families, when my parents died the "family flowers" on & in the casket (beloved wife, mother, grandmother, father, grandfather) were purchased by the estate (that paid for the entire funeral, casket, flowers, funeral meal, etc.). The flowers did not include "names" as Beloved Mother or Beloved Father would obviously be from their children.

In my family, and that includes aunts/uncles/cousins adult children would never buy/send their own flowers to their parents funeral separate from the "family flowers" on the casket.

Frankly, I do not recall adult children buying/sending separate flowers to any funerals of their parents that I have attended. Perhaps, there are different expectations in other parts of the country.
Quote:
Originally Posted by exit82 View Post
well- if they don't send them - how do they get there? The funeral flower fairy?
The person/people planning the funeral ordered the flowers.

My point is that if there are five children there are not five separate flower arrangements (one from each adult child) just the casket flowers with Beloved Father or Beloved Mother. Or two banners Beloved Husband and Beloved Father or Beloved Wife and Beloved Mother. Often there is a smaller set of flowers, inside the casket that says Grandfather or Grandmother (whether there is one grandchild or twenty grandchildren).

From everyone who has written that they, and all of their siblings, have purchased separate flower displays for a deceased parent funeral there obviously are different expectations in different parts of the country as that does not happen in my area.

Last edited by germaine2626; 03-29-2017 at 09:03 PM..
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Old 03-29-2017, 09:06 PM
 
1,156 posts, read 2,289,212 times
Reputation: 3401
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
The person/people planning the funeral ordered the flowers.

My point is that if there are five children there are not five separate flower arrangements (one from each adult child) just the casket flowers with Beloved Father or Beloved Mother. Or two banners Beloved Husband and Beloved Father or Beloved Wife and Beloved Mother. Often there is a smaller set of flowers, inside the casket that says Grandfather or Grandmother.

From everyone who has written that they, and all of their siblings, have purchased separate flower displays for a deceased parent funeral there obviously are different expectations in different parts of the country as that does not happen in my area.
I've read about a billion different threads on C/D about families who can't even figure out how to equitably split the bill for a dinner out- I'd hate to hear what they go thru to have pot head Fred pony up for his share of joint flowers- I'll stick to sending my own flowers.

Last edited by exit82; 03-29-2017 at 09:31 PM..
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Old 03-29-2017, 09:19 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,466 posts, read 15,905,878 times
Reputation: 38730
Quote:
Originally Posted by exit82 View Post
[/b]I've read about a billion different threads on C/D about families who can't even figure out how to equitably split the bill for a dinner out- I'd hate to hear what they go thru to have pot head Fred pony up for his share- I'll stick to sending my own flowers.
In my family, including extended family (from the few occasions that my cousins and I discussed this) the estate pays for the funeral including the "family flowers" (casket spray). Perhaps, we are just lucky because there has always been enough money in the estate to pay for the funeral of a parent.
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Old 03-29-2017, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,871 posts, read 32,642,286 times
Reputation: 56984
Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603 View Post
Why would the sons not pay for the grandchildren?

I can see just having husband---but husband and grandchildren, something is off with this story.

I think a family works together. Sorry-odd putting grandchilden---why on earth would OP pay for grandchildren but skip over sons There is more to this story.

I am going to have flowers for my Mother's funeral this week. Surely I will be sure there is something there from my sons--whether they pay for it or not. There will be a discussion about it.

As a therapist would say: "It is not about the flowers", there is something else going on.
All I was responding to was, I believe it was your post, that said you would pay for your adult son's flowers at their dad's funeral - I wasn't responding to the OP's situation. Maybe there's something off, maybe not.

But I wouldn't feel obligated to pay for the flowers "from" adult children with decent jobs. Nope. Sorry.
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Old 03-29-2017, 09:24 PM
 
4,089 posts, read 1,712,748 times
Reputation: 11549
Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603 View Post
As a mother of adult sons--if my spouse would pass away, I would have a casket spray that said beloved husband, father and grandfather.
I do think it is your responsibility to include the entire family.
Agree.
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Old 03-29-2017, 09:27 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,871 posts, read 32,642,286 times
Reputation: 56984
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Just to show the difference in families, when my parents died the "family flowers" on & in the casket (beloved wife, mother, grandmother, father, grandfather) were purchased by the estate (that paid for the entire funeral, casket, flowers, funeral meal, etc.). The flowers did not include "names" as Beloved Mother or Beloved Father would obviously be from their children.

In my family, and that includes aunts/uncles/cousins adult children would never buy/send their own flowers to their parents funeral separate from the "family flowers" on the casket.

Frankly, I do not recall adult children buying/sending separate flowers to any funerals of their parents that I have attended. Perhaps, there are different expectations in other parts of the country.
I don't know who paid for what flowers at other funerals. I can't imagine asking that question to a bereaved family.

The estate (aka "my mom") paid for the basic flowers - basically a big spray at either end of the casket (my dad was a veteran and so his casket was draped with a flag, not flowers), and I think another bouquet somewhere else. The adult kids just ordered other arrangements on their own. I mean, we discussed it but it was more in passing than anything else - it was just a given that the various families would send flowers. In fact, I have adult kids (my dad's grandkids) whose families also sent flowers.

We just didn't expect "the estate" (as I said, my mom actually) to pay for everyone's memorials. My gosh, the funeral was expensive enough as it was. We adult kids (and the adult grandkids) WANTED to send beautiful flowers to my dad's funeral. There was simply never any other expectation.
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Old 03-29-2017, 09:31 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,871 posts, read 32,642,286 times
Reputation: 56984
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
In my family, including extended family (from the few occasions that my cousins and I discussed this) the estate pays for the funeral including the "family flowers" (casket spray). Perhaps, we are just lucky because there has always been enough money in the estate to pay for the funeral of a parent.
Well, if there's still a parent left, it's not "the estate" - it's the surviving parent whose footing the bill for the whole thing.

In our family, it wasn't a matter of not having enough money - it was a matter of not expecting our mother to pay for absolutely everything when we all loved my dad, our father, her husband. She has plenty of money - but we're adults. I couldn't imagine not sending flowers to my own father's funeral. But hey, that's just me. Well, us.
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Old 03-29-2017, 09:33 PM
 
1,156 posts, read 2,289,212 times
Reputation: 3401
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I don't know who paid for what flowers at other funerals. I can't imagine asking that question to a bereaved family.

The estate (aka "my mom") paid for the basic flowers - basically a big spray at either end of the casket (my dad was a veteran and so his casket was draped with a flag, not flowers), and I think another bouquet somewhere else. The adult kids just ordered other arrangements on their own. I mean, we discussed it but it was more in passing than anything else - it was just a given that the various families would send flowers. In fact, I have adult kids (my dad's grandkids) whose families also sent flowers.

We just didn't expect "the estate" (as I said, my mom actually) to pay for everyone's memorials. My gosh, the funeral was expensive enough as it was. We adult kids (and the adult grandkids) WANTED to send beautiful flowers to my dad's funeral. There was simply never any other expectation.


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