" ... How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?"
"Maria" -The Sound of Music
That is my dad's "about us" song, about my mom; Maria, who died 1 year & 2 days ago. It's written in his will for that song to be played during his wake.
In the last year, I have learned so much about Maria, that I did not know about "Mom". And it really bothers me that I can't honor her by living a good life. After caregiving for over a decade & having left the workforce to do so at age 39; that ship has sailed. Not elder caregiving. Disabled child caregiving. Meaning this is it:
There will be no respite adequate for me to be able to return to my career & build a good life. Both I & the disabled child she loved so much will live in poverty & that is something she was afraid of. But before she died she said I was her hero. So I must be doing something right. Why does it have to result in something so wrong?
One thing I learned was the extent to which she would go to to do the right thing. There are people who hurt my mom because she dared to stand up for what was right. I'm going to pick up where she left off. It's the only thing I have to give. It's my "One year later resolution". I want to make her proud.
Me & my mom, summer 1968. Grant Heights, Tokyo, Japan.
I was born at Tachikawa AFB, as was my sister who was born in Summer of 1969. Dad was USAF stationed at PACOM Elint Center (PEC) at Fuchu Air Station West of Tokyo.