U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 04-03-2017, 05:09 PM
8,281 posts, read 8,574,394 times
Reputation: 10271


Call her with some regularity, maybe once a week. Call, don't email. Preferably in the evening.

Invite her over for dinner. Let her talk about whatever she wants. (I wouldn't suggest ref counseling unless something big is going on; death is part of living, and most people get through it fine.) Ask her if she needs help with anything. For instance, she might like some company with chores of going through her parents' things.

If you live nearby, occasionally call apropos of errands, either asking if she needs anything, or if she'd like to come with you.

And feel free to sometimes have a third person, which will change the conversation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 04-05-2017, 03:11 PM
Location: Sandy
3 posts, read 1,039 times
Reputation: 14
Thank you all for excellent suggestions and thoughts.

I'm quite a bit older than her but fortunately my parents are alive and well, which I'm very grateful for.
My grandparents died some time ago, one about 10 years ago and the other about 2 years ago.
They were around or well past 80 and of poor health. It was sad but I was not devastated.
I miss them whenever I think about them but it was kind of natural to see them pass away.
I mean, you are told that everybody dies at some point, so you kind of expect it to happen.
It's still sad and it's not easy in any way but it didn't paralyze me.

Some 17 years ago, when I was still at the university, I lost two of my good friends year after another.
They were close to my age so I never expected it. I talked to one of them a few days before the accident
and when I found out I was absolutely shocked
It took about a year of therapy to get me back to my feet.

I find it so difficult to imagine how she truly feels.

There's also a very practical side of it I have trouble accepting.
Normally, when you're at an age when you start looking for the first job, when you finish school, you meet your future spouse, you have someone who helps you out.
Parents are some kind of a safety net. They help out with finance, they give you advice, they help you find your own place, etc.
In her case, she won't have that. Her career hasn't started yet and any dire situation she can find herself in, she has only herself to count on.

This is hard for me to accept.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-05-2017, 09:13 PM
3,988 posts, read 5,281,156 times
Reputation: 4588
You are absolutely right that she your friend has been thrust into a complete independence before she normally would have been, and that will be hard. That's why she will need friends and support. That's why I was asking if she has a sympathetic aunt/uncle or even a grandparent who could be of help. She will have to negotiate a lot of legal and technical stuff that normally is not encountered in someone who is 20 (or whatever young age she is.) That's why I was suggesting some counseling as well as practical help and emotional support - because it is hard to accept the new responsibility as well as the sudden ripping away of her support system. I assume she will now have some assets, but managing those is not just a good thing, its also a hard thing, filled with lots of anxiety if you haven't done it before. I know people don't like to bring this up, but the fact is that there are judgment areas of the brain that are not fully mature until the mid 20s. So there is good reason that we count on our parents as a safety net for a while. Even if a young person is completely independent, it is different if you know you have someone to back you up.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-06-2017, 03:51 PM
Location: Sandy
3 posts, read 1,039 times
Reputation: 14
I absolutely agree with what you say.
She is nearing 25 and she only has a grandfather who is close to 80.

I'm starting a crowdfunding campain to help secure some more stability for her. Being an emotional support is very important, no argument there, but I must do something more.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 04-07-2017, 08:16 PM
26,163 posts, read 14,567,886 times
Reputation: 17235
I am so sorry everyone
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top