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Old 04-22-2017, 06:49 PM
Location: Peru, Maine
282 posts, read 227,678 times
Reputation: 317


Hello Group,

I just lost my Dear, Irish Wife Eileen of 27 years of marriage on Wednesday March 29th at 3:44PM in Danbury CT Hospital ICU, from Liver failure.
It will be four weeks this coming Wednesday.
Tomorrow is my 65th birthday, but I am not even going to acknowledge the day, without her.

We were together nearly every single day, over our 27 years of Marriage, and for most days prior to that, dating and just knowing each other.

I go through my days now, just going through the motions of Life, without really feeling anything.

I'm just lonely, empty and lost.

To top off loosing my Wife, now I'm going to have to move.
I'll have to rip up our roots, from the little house which we've rented, for the last 10 years, as I cannot afford the $900/mo rent.
I lost $962- per month, after loosing most of her Social Security Income, and now am forced to live on $1158/month.

We had no other resources to lie on.

I try to stay positive each day, and strong so that I am able to think and try to plan ahead, to secure my and our beautiful boy kitty-cat Acey's future.
He is my darling, my Love and more important to me than my own Life.

I'm just not sure that I can...

I have so much to pack up and move, and will have to do 99% of it all by myself and I don't really know where I can [afford] to move to.

I was hoping to move to Maine, as things seem cheaper than Connecticut, and I like the cold.

I'm considering a "55+ Retirement Community", but I just know that it will be a 'depressing old age home' kind of environment.
I'm sure that I won't have any privacy, and wouldn't be able to go for a walk in the woods, and cut and split my firewood, as I have always done.

I'm a verrrry independent and active 65 yr old, with nothing wrong with me health wise, and need no help doing anything.
I've always been an 'outdoorsman/woodsman' and would not want to give this up.

It's only my economics that are forcing me to even consider one of those Communities.

I'm even considering a trailer to live in, but it must be on a private lot, not in a trailer park.

Any thoughts or ideas about my 'plight' would be greatly appreciated!

Thank You All & God Bless,

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Old 04-22-2017, 08:04 PM
3,273 posts, read 2,855,011 times
Reputation: 4701
CT: I am so very sorry for your loss.

All that I have read since my loss is that a person shouldn't make big decisions after losing someone. If you can, try to stay in your place as long as you can while researching your options. Explain to your landlord. You could be allowed some flexibility if you let them know what's going on before any stumble happens.

Did your wife have any life insurance? If so, contact the company. They are good at getting the money out in a timely manner. You can use it to keep yourself afloat for a while.

Most cities or counties have a commission on aging. They will likely be able to get you resources for more ideas/information or at least point you in the right direction.

Another good source is your local library.

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Old 04-22-2017, 08:28 PM
1,157 posts, read 2,299,839 times
Reputation: 3401
I'm very sorry for your loss OP- and I want to wish you Happy Birthday tomorrow as well-

I was thinking as to your living situation- are you handy? could you be a maintenance man in exchange for free rent at some small complex or even a caretaker at a camp in Maine?
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Old 04-22-2017, 09:15 PM
Location: Erie, PA
2,306 posts, read 947,987 times
Reputation: 5076
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss

It sounds like you had 27 happy years together and I won't pretend to say that I understand but my heart goes out to you.

It is going to feel overwhelming for a while.

As for the moving and packing up--your best bet is to find a couple of high school kids and pay them $20 or so apiece to help load the truck and do the heavy lifting.

Maine in general has much cheaper living than in CT IMO.

Senior apartments do not necessarily mean a loss of independence/privacy. My grandmother (rest her soul) lived in a senior community and it was no different from any other community except the residents were all 55+. The rent was based on income but it was like any other rental property. I remember her having a nice 2-bedroom place. This was back in the 1980s when I was a kid so I don't recall the rent but I remember her saying it was very affordable. She had moved there after my grandfather had passed on because she couldn't stand living in the house because of too many memories.

You could always also look into a trailer as they are also relatively affordable and you would have more choices as to where you could live since you enjoy living in the outdoors.

I once interviewed for a job out in the Brunswick, ME area and was very disappointed that I came in 2nd place

I really was impressed with the area. Maine has many rural/woodsy type of areas so you have quite a few choices. You might want to post in the Maine forum to ask some questions about living costs and good places to relocate to for a person in your circumstances.

I would start researching places to live and find one that might be a fit, then look for rentals on places like Craigslist.
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Old 04-23-2017, 02:10 AM
26,163 posts, read 14,537,538 times
Reputation: 17235
Originally Posted by CTwoodnutt
Tomorrow is my 65th birthday, but I am not even going to acknowledge the day, without her.
I am so sorry CTwoodnutt... We understand why you dont wanna recognise anything....

Peace and love to you
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Old 04-23-2017, 07:32 AM
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,951 posts, read 24,133,558 times
Reputation: 10798
So very sorry for your loss. I can identify just lost my hubbie on March 6th.
Most days I'm in a fog, they say it will get easier with time,we shall see.
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Old 04-23-2017, 08:27 AM
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,557 posts, read 11,580,012 times
Reputation: 21062
Its bad enough losing your partner but now you have the added worries of housing and money, what a shame.. good luck..
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Old 04-23-2017, 09:20 AM
2,036 posts, read 1,519,488 times
Reputation: 4433
Sorry for your loss, OP. How lucky was she to have such a loving husband.
Can you put your things in storage and stay with family or friends a few months until you can research your next move?
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Old 04-23-2017, 09:21 AM
Location: SW Florida
9,184 posts, read 3,991,397 times
Reputation: 18958
CT & Kate - it does get easier. It might now seem like it right now. I lost my husband of almost 30 years August 21, 2010, and I was in a fog for those first few months. Plus, I also had to move as my lease was up and I had to get a bigger place since my son and granddaughter were going to live with me so we could pool our resources. It was cheaper than paying for two apartments so we rented a house.

I would see or hear something when I was out and think to myself "I must tell DH about this when I get home", then I would remember he wasn't home. The first big holidays were very bad. But little by little it got easier. This life I have now is my new "normal".

CT - could you get a roommate so you could stay put awhile? Since you've been living there 10 years will your landlord cut you a little slack for a few months? A part time job since you are in good health? Can you apply for food stamps in Connecticut? Do you have any church friends that could assist you in some way? It's not easy to ask for help when you are an independent person but sometimes we have to and there are many people out there who would consider it a blessing to be able to help.

I know there are plenty of "senior communities" that base your rent on your income but most have waiting lists so if you decide you might want to do that you will need to start that process.

I am so sorry you are going through this at an already difficult time in your life.
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Old 04-23-2017, 10:34 AM
Location: Phoenix, AZ > Raleigh, NC
14,365 posts, read 17,639,891 times
Reputation: 22287
My condolences. Have you contacted social security to inquire about widowers benefits. You ARE entitled to a portion of your late wife's SS. Please do that on Monday before making any other decisions.

I'd also STRONGLY recommend a bereavement support group. The funeral home or a local hospice group can direct you.
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