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Old 04-26-2017, 08:32 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,120 posts, read 3,636,143 times
Reputation: 13519

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I'm so sorry that you lost your wife at such a young age OP (original poster).

The ONLY things I would give your SIL is family photo albums that you don't want (take the photos out that you DO want) and family heirlooms that have no meaning to you, if there are any? Your SIL might want to pass heirlooms on to her kids (if she has any). My family heirlooms are very important to me and I cherish the ones I was able to keep from my parents and grandparents.

I know you are going to struggle and hurt for a long while from losing your wife. Take care of yourself and don't let your SIL bully you in any way. (HUGS)
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Old 04-26-2017, 09:30 PM
 
909 posts, read 505,298 times
Reputation: 1185
Very sorry for your lose. From my experience, when my father passed, my parents had been divorced over 20 years. However, her name was never removed from deed of property/home. Although, the will said assets divided equally between children. Bottom of the line is she is still on the home/land and has rights. Therefore, as her spouse, you have rights to her estate,regardless of sister's entitlement.
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Old 04-26-2017, 10:03 PM
 
4 posts, read 3,175 times
Reputation: 25
Thanks. I know this is going to be a long ordeal in many ways. Her sister is just one year younger than she was but of the things my wife told me, they never really did get along and would get in lots of fights arguments and she would steal stuff from her. An estate attorney is a great idea, I will look that up. Truth is even if I do manage to get her assets in a way I kind of feel guilty about it being that the good majority of the stuff was hers and I don't want it to look like I am also just somehow profiting off her death and such. Even her sister said as much saying "Why do you care? You just want to take advantage of the situation" kind of ironic really.

Yes, she did have considerably more assets than me, made more money etc. due in large part to our age difference but that didn't matter to me at all. I think there are those that do though.
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Old 04-26-2017, 10:07 PM
 
4 posts, read 3,175 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rigby06 View Post
Sorry for your Loss.


I do understand what you are going through, I lost my wife 9 years ago on the 11th of this month. I was 40 at that time, my wife was 48.


I went to work and my wife was alive and well, I came home from work and found her on the couch dead. I called 911, tried to revive her, and the fire department said there was nothing they could do for her. It was months before I could get rid of things. I could not sit on the end of the couch where my wife head was for months and months.
Very sorry for your loss. This is the most horrible thing I have ever experienced. Not that it would be any better but I think had she died in something like an auto accident it would be easier to wrap my head around, if not still traumatizing. But just knowing we were laughing and joking around one moment then to wake up and find her non-responsive is a feeling that is just unimaginable. I also had to contact her work and tell them which was also very difficult.
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Old 04-27-2017, 12:42 AM
 
Location: Sonoran Desert, AZ
2,838 posts, read 1,163,727 times
Reputation: 6053
My condolences of the loss of your wife. And, as many have suggested, find an estate lawyer and then have the sister-in-law contact that lawyer. You owe her nothing. Not. A. Thing.

God Bless.
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:41 AM
 
2,953 posts, read 1,388,601 times
Reputation: 5292
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanose View Post
Thanks. I know this is going to be a long ordeal in many ways. Her sister is just one year younger than she was but of the things my wife told me, they never really did get along and would get in lots of fights arguments and she would steal stuff from her. An estate attorney is a great idea, I will look that up. Truth is even if I do manage to get her assets in a way I kind of feel guilty about it being that the good majority of the stuff was hers and I don't want it to look like I am also just somehow profiting off her death and such. Even her sister said as much saying "Why do you care? You just want to take advantage of the situation" kind of ironic really.

Yes, she did have considerably more assets than me, made more money etc. due in large part to our age difference but that didn't matter to me at all. I think there are those that do though.
I too am so very sorry for your loss. Don't go to 'well if I had woken up earlier...' This was unfortunately her time to go. Smile for the time you had together. She is still in your heart. I enjoyed you sharing your love of games.

You care because she was your wife! A totally different and deeper relationship than a sibling. 'Take advantage of a situation, projection on her part.

Don't let her in the house.

I have a friend who was married 33 years and her husband died. No kids. His busy body sisters came around and demanded he be buried where they wanted him to. OMG this was her husband. They acted as if the 33 years she was married to him didn't matter.
They too wanted to scope the house for things from 'their family." She was his family. She stopped it and now they don't even communicate with her. She was 63, now 80 and much younger physically, no illnesses. Travels 6 times a year. What a shame they couldn't get past the stuff and get to know her on another level and include her in their lives.
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Old 04-27-2017, 08:52 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,305 posts, read 10,048,458 times
Reputation: 20460
Quote:
Originally Posted by suzy_q2010 View Post
The sister would have no standing to "contact the court" unless she could prove that OP's wife had something that belonged to the sister.
I get that, but telling her to take it up with the courts will give her somewhere else to go besides bug the poor man who just lost his wife. No one needs her crap.
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Old 04-27-2017, 09:05 AM
 
Location: Port Charlotte FL
908 posts, read 519,793 times
Reputation: 2458
take everything you want and store it somewhere..then let the SIL come pick through the other things left..less stuff you'll have to get rid of..
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Old 04-27-2017, 10:12 AM
 
1,173 posts, read 729,680 times
Reputation: 2494
Very sorry OP. The shock of it especially and the fact you didn't have that many years together.


My first husband died in his 20s. We got to plan for it (cancer). That was a gift in a way. His tacky low class mum had her hand out immediately. My parents are super great and it was hard to deal with. I wanted to be dutiful and all that and didn't realize what greedy vultures existed and how they'd come out as soon as opportunity presented itself. I thought all parents were upstanding like my parents. Welp, I learned the hard way.


Honestly, the best decision right now is no big decisions. Do not do anything major and/or anything involving the SIL without atty guidance or a trusted best friend by your side.


I can understand possible guilt based on "profit" but really, you likely will be much more humbled and sad that a person's entire being just boils down to some earthly possessions and investments. I did a lot of "that's it? His life is worth xxx dollars? That's all that's left?" It isn't who she was and you are free to make good use of it. If I died today I'd want my (fictitious ) spouse to be cared for somewhat by what I left behind - because I love him. I wouldn't want it wasted.


Again, no big decisions of any kind right now. No job stuff, moving stuff, etc.


Very sorry for you. I'm glad you got some time together, not everyone does because they avoid dating the "wrong" people because of age difference, cultural differences or whatnot. You accepted it as a gift. I'm pleased for you.
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Old 04-27-2017, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
27,448 posts, read 17,629,902 times
Reputation: 39933
The fact that you are her spouse, and will inherit....

You couldn't have seen this coming. Please do not feel guilty over it. I'm sure she would have wanted it this way, she loved you.

There is enough pain, do not ad this to the mix too.
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