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Old 04-27-2017, 11:02 AM
 
8,305 posts, read 8,577,591 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanose View Post
Found this forum thanks to google and hope I can get some advice and support. As in the title I am a widower and in a very unique situation. My wife of three years passed a little over a week ago, 9 days to be exact. Thing is we had a older woman/younger man relationship. I am 32 and she was 44. We were very compatible though, met her on an online game even.

I woke up early for work and immediately went to take a shower and get ready, she was sleeping face down and I didn't want to wake her so I just took my shower and once I got out I put on my clothes and before I left decided to wake her to see if she wanted or needed anything before I left... Only she didn't move. Very quickly I turned her over and to my horror saw she was gone. I called 911 and they got here there was nothing they could do.

She had no prior health issues or taking any medications. She just had a heart attack during the night. Even before we went to bed she was fine. She was 44 but that's still way too young for someone to die that way especially with no prior issues but I was told it's rare but can happen.

Just dealing with this is bad enough but there is a issue, that with her sister. She lives about an hour away and they did NOT get along. My wife had no children and both parents deceased. The one and only time I me her sister prior it was them arguing and yelling at each other. Never talked on the phone online or anything. Well, I did contact her sister to let her know and that day she drove down and of all things she said there were some things of my wife's she wanted. I told her I don't want to deal with this right now. She got angry and left. She did not even go to her funeral! But she calls me saying she wants to get some things.

Now the property, house etc were my wife's but she didn't have a will. I haven't even slept on the bed since just the couch. So for me you can see how awful this whole thing is, being my age and a widower and dealing with a mean greedy sister in law. My wife not having a will or children makes it also complicated. Granted, a lot of the stuff in her house is not something I really need or want but I don't think just letting her sister come in and take whatever she wants is good either.

Anyway, I am going to see someone to help me get through this, mainly the grieving part is by far the worst.
If she died without a will, you are here sole heir and you have control over her possessions and estate. You have the right to tell the sister or anyone else where to go.

Take your time, sorting through this. Forty-four is awfully young to die. You have my sympathies.
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Old 04-27-2017, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Georgia, USA
21,482 posts, read 26,078,274 times
Reputation: 26435
Quote:
Originally Posted by markg91359 View Post
If she died without a will, you are here sole heir and you have control over her possessions and estate. You have the right to tell the sister or anyone else where to go.

Take your time, sorting through this. Forty-four is awfully young to die. You have my sympathies.
^^^

Mark is a lawyer, Hanose.
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Old 04-27-2017, 01:50 PM
 
3,263 posts, read 2,838,518 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab View Post
Sorry OP for you loss!


Yes in most states you are the heir and everything will pass to you; however, if the home was only in her name the attorney will need to take care of that so the deed is transferred to your name. If your wife was not close to her sister then I would definitely not allow her into your home. IF you want to give her anything then meet her somewhere like a restaurant and give it to her there. Otherwise ignore her!
I vote, too, for the sister not going into your home.

I used FedEx (for delivery and receipt purposes) so that I didn't even have to see or talk to his family anymore. I am generally drama-free, but the way they treated him - then me - not breathing the same air is best for all involved.
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Old 04-27-2017, 01:56 PM
 
3,263 posts, read 2,838,518 times
Reputation: 4655
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanose View Post
Thanks. I know this is going to be a long ordeal in many ways. Her sister is just one year younger than she was but of the things my wife told me, they never really did get along and would get in lots of fights arguments and she would steal stuff from her. An estate attorney is a great idea, I will look that up. Truth is even if I do manage to get her assets in a way I kind of feel guilty about it being that the good majority of the stuff was hers and I don't want it to look like I am also just somehow profiting off her death and such. Even her sister said as much saying "Why do you care? You just want to take advantage of the situation" kind of ironic really.

Yes, she did have considerably more assets than me, made more money etc. due in large part to our age difference but that didn't matter to me at all. I think there are those that do though.
Members of the family say this when they realize they won't get as much as they want. Don't allow them to control your life. Give them what they want (if you decide to), but remember that they want to see what is there to add to their list.


This has really hit a sore spot for me. I don't like people that waltz right in and pick over a person's belongings as if that person wasn't important. UGH. Why can't they let the grieving person do things at their own pace & stop being so damn greedy?
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Old 04-27-2017, 02:14 PM
 
5,048 posts, read 6,392,001 times
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Sorry for your great loss.

You need to look into intestate succession law in your state. Even though you don't have children, I have heard in some places where a sibling may be a percentage of the succession. Yes...good probate lawyer.
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Old 04-27-2017, 03:11 PM
 
9,322 posts, read 11,242,312 times
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Your wife's sister sounds awful. ...She did not care about your wife or love her... (from what I can see posted here). She wants to push her way in and start grabbing things. It makes no sense. If she loved her sister, she might politely request her blue sweater on the chair or a keepsake picture from highschool. If she detested her, she would not want anything of her sister's. She seems cruel, more than distant and this is her "final slap in the face" to her deceased sister, your wife, by being a "grunger" ...going through your wife's private things. I would be horrified and never allow her into the house. I guess be prepared for the awful sister to contest everything and continue to force her way in....to ravage your wife's belongings.


I am sorry for your loss. Be strong and get an attorney, Make sure the awful sis does not have a key to the house. If you think she does, change the locks. Sis could clean you out with all her hatred.
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Old 04-27-2017, 03:47 PM
 
3,446 posts, read 7,654,222 times
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Sorry for your loss. Most likely everything is yours and the sister has no claim to it. She choose you to be her husband and that means you get everything if she dies - if she wanted to leave something to her sister she would have had a will made.

I would not give the sister anything until the estate is settled - then if you have some family mememtos that you would throw out anyway - offer them to the sister.
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Old 04-28-2017, 07:14 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,885 posts, read 32,642,286 times
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I'm so sorry for your loss. What a shock.

I suggest you take the high road and WHEN YOU ARE READY, go through the items in the house and if you find any personal mementos like family photos, or even something like a set of china that you don't use and that may have been a family heirloom, pack that stuff up and meet with her side of the family and give these items to her family.

Of course, if there is furniture that was handed down through generations of your wife's family, I would strongly consider giving that to her side of the family as well. That being said, I wouldn't feel any obligation to strip your house down for anyone. I just think it would be magnanimous of you to let go of a few things if they were family heirlooms. Eventually. When you're ready and not before.

I don't recall you saying whether or not she had nieces or nephews. Does she? If so, it would be a nice gesture to give each of them some special (small) item.

Is there special art work? Jewelry? Collectibles? Musical instruments? If you don't particularly want some of those items I'd be generous with some of it.

Her retirement accounts? The house? No way.

When my father in law died, his brother and sister actually thought they were entitled to some of his assets (by "assets" I mean his MONEY) - I couldn't believe it. I have two brothers. One has no children. But I can't imagine thinking I would be entitled to something of his. But it WOULD be nice if his significant other gave us the paintings my mom did that he has. But I wouldn't expect her to - I just think it would be nice, that's all. I'd never mention it to her though and I wouldn't hold it against her. Maybe she likes them a lot and they remind her of him, who knows? Not my business frankly. Same with my dad's Rolex watch he inherited. It would be nice if he listed it specifically in his will to go to one of my kids or something, or to our other brother, but I doubt he even has a will.

Just be generous if you can. But don't feel pressured, and whatever you do, DO NOT let that woman into your house. If she can't even give you a list (a short list by the way) of family mementos that she knows your sister has and that are important to her - then they're not important to her. There is NO WAY she has the right to walk through YOUR house and say what she wants. That's insane.
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Old 04-28-2017, 07:32 AM
 
216 posts, read 131,089 times
Reputation: 289
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanose View Post
Found this forum thanks to google and hope I can get some advice and support. As in the title I am a widower and in a very unique situation. My wife of three years passed a little over a week ago, 9 days to be exact. Thing is we had a older woman/younger man relationship. I am 32 and she was 44. We were very compatible though, met her on an online game even.

I woke up early for work and immediately went to take a shower and get ready, she was sleeping face down and I didn't want to wake her so I just took my shower and once I got out I put on my clothes and before I left decided to wake her to see if she wanted or needed anything before I left... Only she didn't move. Very quickly I turned her over and to my horror saw she was gone. I called 911 and they got here there was nothing they could do.

She had no prior health issues or taking any medications. She just had a heart attack during the night. Even before we went to bed she was fine. She was 44 but that's still way too young for someone to die that way especially with no prior issues but I was told it's rare but can happen.

Just dealing with this is bad enough but there is a issue, that with her sister. She lives about an hour away and they did NOT get along. My wife had no children and both parents deceased. The one and only time I me her sister prior it was them arguing and yelling at each other. Never talked on the phone online or anything. Well, I did contact her sister to let her know and that day she drove down and of all things she said there were some things of my wife's she wanted. I told her I don't want to deal with this right now. She got angry and left. She did not even go to her funeral! But she calls me saying she wants to get some things.

Now the property, house etc were my wife's but she didn't have a will. I haven't even slept on the bed since just the couch. So for me you can see how awful this whole thing is, being my age and a widower and dealing with a mean greedy sister in law. My wife not having a will or children makes it also complicated. Granted, a lot of the stuff in her house is not something I really need or want but I don't think just letting her sister come in and take whatever she wants is good either.

Anyway, I am going to see someone to help me get through this, mainly the grieving part is by far the worst.
I can so relate to your story of loss. My husband died in his sleep at 39 - almost a year ago. Making that discovery was by far the single worst moment of my entire life... Seriously - why do people say "dying in your sleep" is such a gentle, lovely way to go. It's horrifying!

Good luck to you on your journey of healing. Family feuds after a loss are common. I was the sole heir but I didn't want to fight about any of his stuff. Material possessions didn't mean much to me before and mean even less now. I gave a number of things to his family and even his ex girlfriend, and I'll be doing one final charity donation of clothes pretty soon. We had just sold our house when he died so everything was already in boxes. It's been in storage for the past year, while I figured out what to do, and just recently bought a house by myself. So, I'm now sorting through all of it. Surprisingly the items that remind me of him, make me smile. The things that make me cry are the shirts he never wore... symbolic of the future he never had. It's so true: You only regret what you didn't do in life.
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Old 04-28-2017, 09:18 PM
 
100 posts, read 66,370 times
Reputation: 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hanose View Post
Very sorry for your loss. This is the most horrible thing I have ever experienced. Not that it would be any better but I think had she died in something like an auto accident it would be easier to wrap my head around, if not still traumatizing. But just knowing we were laughing and joking around one moment then to wake up and find her non-responsive is a feeling that is just unimaginable. I also had to contact her work and tell them which was also very difficult.
I'm so sorry, we are not prepared for that unexpected dead, only time will help you, be patient.
Hugs
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