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Old 06-08-2017, 12:33 AM
 
85 posts, read 44,649 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avalon08 View Post
I am so sorry for your loss. Your reaction is perfectly normal. From what I can glean from your other posts, it sounds like this may be your father who died, and your mother doesn't want to move? If so, I guess it depends on her and your ages. I would follow the others' advice and not do anything drastic right now. "They" do say to wait a year before making this type of decision. And especially so, if it involves leaving your mother (who is also grieving) behind.
My father passed away. A horrible tragic death from sepsis, it was how it happened that makes me grieve.It gets really hard being the same town, and passing by the hospital, nursing home etc. It gets harder as the months roll by. I try to keep myself busy as much as possible.


I don't have any intentions of leaving my mother behind, I have told her about wanting to relocate. She is not holding me back but I don't want to leave her alone. She is kind of introverted but deep down she needs someone close to her. She thinks a lot about her job, she has one more year left before she thinks about retirement. She likes working and would work until she is 70. I told her to consider the idea of relocating and she can still work, she did not say no. I want her to enjoy her life and live comfortably.

To me I think relocating is good for me psychologically, I need a new lease on life and find some ways to move on. Staying in the same town and the same old buildings, monuments, places where I spend time with my father will make it harder.
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Old 06-08-2017, 12:53 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,340,105 times
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I lost my wife to pneumonia and septic shock a bit over three weeks go. Her children and mine all want me to move close to them in other states. Not happening. This was our beloved retirement home and is still mine. Sure there are memories. There always will be and I cherish them. That would be true in any of the other places. I'm staying put!
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Old 06-08-2017, 12:58 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,107 posts, read 17,652,758 times
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would it hurt you to wait a year and then maybe your mother would be ready and able to go then . I read books about grieving after I lost my first husband at 36 with no life insurance and very little money . I had to move back home I had no choice but I m glad I did . If you can wait a year I would do so then you would be thinking with a clear head and not very many emotions running through your head and heart . please wait a year and then decide and maybe mom will be ready to go too . Good luck to you both .
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Old 06-08-2017, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Des Moines Metro
4,981 posts, read 5,455,906 times
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I'm sorry to hear about all of your losses!

I agree: wait a year before moving, unless there is a pressing financial issue or you absolutely know without a doubt that you need to move elsewhere for your own peace of mind.

It's okay to say "no" to moving, too.

In the olden days, surviving relatives had a full year to mourn. In our hurry-up, instant society, it seems like you get a long weekend, if you are lucky!
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Old 06-08-2017, 09:12 PM
 
85 posts, read 44,649 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
would it hurt you to wait a year and then maybe your mother would be ready and able to go then . I read books about grieving after I lost my first husband at 36 with no life insurance and very little money . I had to move back home I had no choice but I m glad I did . If you can wait a year I would do so then you would be thinking with a clear head and not very many emotions running through your head and heart . please wait a year and then decide and maybe mom will be ready to go too . Good luck to you both .
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meemur View Post
I'm sorry to hear about all of your losses!

I agree: wait a year before moving, unless there is a pressing financial issue or you absolutely know without a doubt that you need to move elsewhere for your own peace of mind.

It's okay to say "no" to moving, too.

In the olden days, surviving relatives had a full year to mourn. In our hurry-up, instant society, it seems like you get a long weekend, if you are lucky!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
I lost my wife to pneumonia and septic shock a bit over three weeks go. Her children and mine all want me to move close to them in other states. Not happening. This was our beloved retirement home and is still mine. Sure there are memories. There always will be and I cherish them. That would be true in any of the other places. I'm staying put!
I'm listening and I intend to stay put for a year or two. Lucky for me I have certain responsibilities to keep me busy, it is easy to wallow in sorrow.The first year is hard, cause I try extra hard to keep my mom from thinking about it or making her talking about it.

I don't think people realize how hard it is grieving and at the same time trying to take care and lift the spirits of your loved one.

People often think more about the spouse when a loved on dies but often neglect the double duties children have to take on in looking out for their grieved one.
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Old 06-08-2017, 09:17 PM
 
85 posts, read 44,649 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
I lost my wife to pneumonia and septic shock a bit over three weeks go. Her children and mine all want me to move close to them in other states. Not happening. This was our beloved retirement home and is still mine. Sure there are memories. There always will be and I cherish them. That would be true in any of the other places. I'm staying put!
You cant blame them cause they want to look out for you. People grieve differently and I respect that, but it is good to get out your surroundings a bit. Just stay a week with your children, you don't have to make the big move.

My father's case was tragic almost to the point where I am mad at the healthcare system. He died from a pressure bedsore wound. It was pure neglect on the nursing home part.
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Old 06-08-2017, 11:03 PM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,251,370 times
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Everyone's situation is different. We all have our complications, our mix of memories and values. Everyone has to make their own decision about whether to move after a loss. The one thing that seems to hold true is that, unless there is a reason that one is forced to make a decision quickly, take your time. The magnitude of grief early on can kind of crowd out the ability to make a careful decision. As time goes on, we will see what is right.
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Old 06-11-2017, 03:14 AM
 
Location: R.I.
876 posts, read 522,944 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scarlet Witch View Post
My father passed away. A horrible tragic death from sepsis, it was how it happened that makes me grieve.It gets really hard being the same town, and passing by the hospital, nursing home etc. It gets harder as the months roll by. I try to keep myself busy as much as possible.
Very sorry for your loss. My 49 year old husband passed in our home in 2001 from a heart attack which I tried unsuccessfully revive him with CPR. The first two years following his death was very difficult to remain in my home because the memories of my husband's tragic death happened there which was impossible to avoid. I came very close to moving during that time and had I not had my two dogs that could have very likely happened. Very glad I did not make the decision to relocate because as time progressed the intensity of my grief did lessen, and those sad memories of my husband's death were eventually replaced by the good memories we shared in our home and town.

Very glad to hear you are not planning to make an abrupt relocation decision because although going through intense grief is so painful, you will not always feel this intensity and when that lessens it may lead you to make an entirely different decision than what you are considering now.
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Old 06-12-2017, 08:03 PM
 
85 posts, read 44,649 times
Reputation: 93
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightengale212 View Post
Very sorry for your loss. My 49 year old husband passed in our home in 2001 from a heart attack which I tried unsuccessfully revive him with CPR. The first two years following his death was very difficult to remain in my home because the memories of my husband's tragic death happened there which was impossible to avoid. I came very close to moving during that time and had I not had my two dogs that could have very likely happened. Very glad I did not make the decision to relocate because as time progressed the intensity of my grief did lessen, and those sad memories of my husband's death were eventually replaced by the good memories we shared in our home and town.

Very glad to hear you are not planning to make an abrupt relocation decision because although going through intense grief is so painful, you will not always feel this intensity and when that lessens it may lead you to make an entirely different decision than what you are considering now.
Thank you so much

I am so sorry to hear that, my father fell in his bedroom from a spinal cord injury. I was the only person in the house, that also weighs on my mind. It can be hard staying the same spot cause it triggers so many memories. I would've been okay if my father passed naturally, but it was the months leading up to it that makes me sad. You are often numb when the person passes but it only 3 months after the funeral, the heaviness on the heart starts to weigh.

I will not leave right away and there are responsibilities that I have to do at home before just relocating abrupty. I do think relocating is good for me psychologically, I need a new lease on life and different surroundings. My father was my world and we thick as thieves, passing by the same old places,same faces, same surroundings makes me so sad. I remember good memories but at the same time the triggers happen too much. Hopefully it will lessen as the months go by but relocation is defintely sill going to happen.
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Old 06-17-2017, 12:39 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,714 posts, read 21,770,674 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scarlet Witch View Post
A life changing event happened recently in my life with death of loved one and I am emotionally scarred. I don't want to live in my hometown anymore it brings back too many memories of me any my loved one. He passed away in a hospital and it hurts passing by that hospital. We were very close, and we had a close bond. I have been living in the same town since I was kid. Everything around my town reminds me of my loved one though I am grieving, I yearn for change or a new beginning. I want to eventually relocate to another state.My other loved one is still grieving but I want to move to another state but she does not want to move cause she has a good paying job. I am afraid to leave her alone and think that I will abandon her.

Is this state of grieving normal for me to want to move to another state?
You will be leaving her, but are you, or do you feel responsible for her? If you move on for your own good, does her unhappy life affect you?
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