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Old 06-18-2017, 02:21 AM
 
85 posts, read 44,251 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
You will be leaving her, but are you, or do you feel responsible for her? If you move on for your own good, does her unhappy life affect you?
It is not easy, I always wanted to relocate but my father's death makes me all the more anxious to move. I can give you the full scope but it is so depressing what happened to him and the bullcrap my family had to go through which lead to his death. I hate seeing the same thing and always getting triggers.My father and I were very close, so it is much harder for me to always be in the same area and get depressed.


My mom is widow now and people tell me to take care of her. In some ways, I do feel responsible. She lost her husband, so she needs somebody to keep her steady. They have something called broken heart syndrom, so I want her to take care of herself.

I don't want to leave her alone while she is still grieving. She tells me to do my own thing but deep down she needs somebody with her. She has stepsons but they are grown and got their own lives. She has one more year left until she thinks about retirement. She has said she would consider relocating but she is the type that does not like change easily. She may one day consider and the next day not want to move.

I am defintely going to move, I told her that but it is up to her and what she wants to do. To me, I think she needs to find a new lease on life and break from the same routine. I think new location would be good for her and she does not know it yet.
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Old 06-19-2017, 06:45 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,322,237 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scarlet Witch View Post
It is not easy, I always wanted to relocate but my father's death makes me all the more anxious to move. I can give you the full scope but it is so depressing what happened to him and the bullcrap my family had to go through which lead to his death. I hate seeing the same thing and always getting triggers.My father and I were very close, so it is much harder for me to always be in the same area and get depressed.
Memory triggers can be very powerful. Both my children and my wife's want me to move to where they are, most in California from whence we came and from which we gladly moved in retirement and some in Ohio. Everywhere I turn in our home I see my wife and also everywhere I go. While those 'sightings' always evoke feelings of loss and sadness, more importantly they also never fail to bring on fond and loving cherished memories of her and feelings of joy that here we shared our lives. For those reasons and because I love it here I am staying until such time as I join her on the other side or cannot physically remain independent. I hope the former comes first. I simply cannot move for that would be like leaving her and I'm not prepared for that nor do I think I ever will be.

As with all things it's a very personal decision for all of us.
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Old 07-13-2017, 02:21 AM
 
35 posts, read 33,656 times
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I am surprised to see so many in a similar situation to the one I am in. OP, you are going through so much emotionally, it's perhaps better to wait. We relocated to the town I am in now for my husband's work, and shortly after my husband was diagnosed with stage IV cancer. For two years we lived in our own world of chemo, hospital and ER trips, and so on until there was only hospice and death. We had no time to make any connections, our nearest family member was 4 hours away, and now, 9 months after losing my husband, I have a beautiful home with a hefty mortgage, 2 little dogs, and no friends or family. We had planned to retire to NC, but now I need to work as I'm years away from collecting his retirement benefits. All I've done for 9 months is paperwork, clearing out things, and researching my next move. I haven't had a chance to really grieve and dwell on my loss, but I have become extraordinarily organized in that time, and plan on moving to the big city so I have a better chance of finding a job. I've been working on my resume, researching job fields, finalizing all the bills and financial issues, and growing in ways I never had to before because my husband always took care of these things. Although there has been a lot of pain and suffering under the roof of my house, it has been my sanctuary as well, and I hope to return someday when I can afford it.

I guess what I'm saying is that there are so many things to do and think about when you lose a loved one, that don't just involve the pain and loss you are feeling. You might need some time to prepare for a move financially and go through a lot of possessions. That can take up to a year as well.
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Old 07-15-2017, 09:27 PM
 
Location: Florida
318 posts, read 188,403 times
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I'm in just that dilemma. I'm not sure where I want to be right now. Too many memories in this house. I will wait out a year then decide.
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Old 07-16-2017, 08:05 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,322,237 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
I'm in just that dilemma. I'm not sure where I want to be right now. Too many memories in this house. I will wait out a year then decide.
Smart choice!
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Old 07-18-2017, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
31,385 posts, read 18,420,530 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scarlet Witch View Post
A life changing event happened recently in my life with death of loved one and I am emotionally scarred. I don't want to live in my hometown anymore it brings back too many memories of me any my loved one. He passed away in a hospital and it hurts passing by that hospital. We were very close, and we had a close bond. I have been living in the same town since I was kid. Everything around my town reminds me of my loved one though I am grieving, I yearn for change or a new beginning. I want to eventually relocate to another state.My other loved one is still grieving but I want to move to another state but she does not want to move cause she has a good paying job. I am afraid to leave her alone and think that I will abandon her.

Is this state of grieving normal for me to want to move to another state?
Yes it is normal.

I also wanted to move after my late boyfriend's unexpected death. However, moving wasn't an option for me at the time. I don't think there is any "escape" in grief, that is why they call it a journey.

You cannot 'get over' it, you can only get through it, one second at a time at the very beginning, but things will get a little better.
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Old 08-09-2017, 07:07 AM
 
Location: I live in Bellevue, Wa, in Crossroads
964 posts, read 249,015 times
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Hell to the yes it's healthy, and follow it through. You can't think and make informed sound life decisions when you have constant reminders of people, places and things. Other people try to make decisions for you, but if you're like me, I can't have people crowding me, when I'm grieving.
.Get up, get out, move to a total opposite climate and terrain. I had to go to the desert for four months to heal several years ago.
You have made a life-affirming decision. Happiness to you, and peace.
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Old 08-09-2017, 07:44 AM
 
2,251 posts, read 4,311,198 times
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Person: "Are you going to move out of your house now?"
Me: "No. This was our home. I'm not going anywhere"
Person: "Wow, I'd never be able to stay there. How do you look at things that he sat on, used, etc.?"

The above was the most common question I got after my husband passed away. I could not imagine leaving here, not even a little bit. Some people cannot imagine remaining in the marital home, not even a little bit. There is no correct answer. I think major life decisions should be put aside until some of the raw emotion goes away. You don't want to find yourself doing something today because you just cannot take it and a year from now saying, "I wish I hadn't done that."
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Old 08-09-2017, 11:33 PM
 
85 posts, read 44,251 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AleeGee View Post
Hell to the yes it's healthy, and follow it through. You can't think and make informed sound life decisions when you have constant reminders of people, places and things. Other people try to make decisions for you, but if you're like me, I can't have people crowding me, when I'm grieving.
.Get up, get out, move to a total opposite climate and terrain. I had to go to the desert for four months to heal several years ago.
You have made a life-affirming decision. Happiness to you, and peace.
I plan to do within a year or two. I am feeling claustrophobic right now at my hometown where I just want to move. Lucky I got work to keep me distracted. I am getting tired of seeing the same things over and over again. I feel like I am stuck in a perpetual rut. I feel that there is nothing left for me there.They say if you feel that there is nothing left for you there then it is time to leave. I am researching my new relocation towns.
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Old 08-09-2017, 11:36 PM
 
85 posts, read 44,251 times
Reputation: 93
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
Yes it is normal.

I also wanted to move after my late boyfriend's unexpected death. However, moving wasn't an option for me at the time. I don't think there is any "escape" in grief, that is why they call it a journey.

You cannot 'get over' it, you can only get through it, one second at a time at the very beginning, but things will get a little better.
Yeah part of it is being patient, which I am learning how to do and keeping yourself distracted.

It is getting better then there are waves of grief and periods of being down. I also feel relocating will give a better lease on life and a new chapter.
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