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Old 05-24-2017, 09:09 PM
 
3,448 posts, read 1,496,541 times
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My grandma died 6 months ago and she was essentially my mother. My mom pulled some shady stuff that made me go into survival mode and I couldn't really cry too much for my grandma.
It's just been so hard bc she was the only person I really loved. I'm from Indiana but I got stuck in New York. I have my dad here (not her kid) but it's just not the same. He's kind of moody but my grandma was so lovely. I just feel so alone. I have an uncle (her son) in St. Louis and we've always been close. He feels really bad for me bc my mom stole my house and I got stuck here. Luckily, I have a good job but I really miss my grandma, I miss my house, I miss my community. I really don't have a reason to go back but I don't have a reason to be here except the job.
I feel so invisible bc no one understands me like her and vice versa. I don't even think I care to be in the world without her. Most of the stuff I do was for her and the truth is that I don't really care what happens to me. I pray everyday that I don't wake up.
I just don't belong anywhere
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Old 05-24-2017, 09:28 PM
 
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hellob, I'm so sorry reading your post. I don't have an answer, except you've touched my heart.
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Old 05-24-2017, 11:05 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,852 posts, read 51,350,636 times
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Your grandma was a very strong person. You loved her.

How did she get to be a strong person?

Is is possible for your to follow her lead and example?

Would you feel better about yourself if you did that to honor her?
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Old 05-25-2017, 08:11 AM
 
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I am trying my best especially regarding the things my mom did to me. My grandma wouldn't want me to stoop to their level. She'd want me to act like it's no skin off my nose. The truth is that it really screwed up my life but I don't tell anyone.
I'm trying my best but I spent so much of my life with her and no one really knows me like she did. It's the little, stupid things like if either of us was out, we'd ask the other if they wanted food. We always say no, but we'd always know to bring something. Now, if I say no, no one brings food. That's what I mean about knowing someone. The other thing is my dad has been married since a few months before I was born and he's close to her relatives. So he is a good dad to me but he has another life and I'm not invited to it. Every holiday, he's with them and I'm alone. I was ok with it bc I thought I would be going home eventually but my grandma died and I have no home to go back to. I just hate the idea that this is my future.
I guess I sound like a baby. I'll be better once I embrace the fact that I live here and start opening up to people.
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Old 05-25-2017, 08:20 AM
 
30 posts, read 16,285 times
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Sorry to hear for your loss, you can lead her example by being a stronger person. Hope things will change positively for you.
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Old 05-25-2017, 08:30 AM
 
3,448 posts, read 1,496,541 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bane Harper View Post
Sorry to hear for your loss, you can lead her example by being a stronger person. Hope things will change positively for you.
2/3 posts mention strong or stronger...as if I'm weak.
The only person I loved died
My drug addict mom/brother stole my house
I'm stuck in one of the most expensive places in America
I lost all my possessions in Indiana
All my close friends are there
My only other loved one (besides my dad) is in St. Louis

I still wake up each day and work
I'm still nice to people
I take care of myself and I'm not a charity case
I don't give those who hurt me the satisfaction of knowing


I don't know what part of this suggests I'm weak. Just because I don't want to live without her doesn't mean I'm weak, it means I'm going through a rough time.
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Old 05-25-2017, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,930 posts, read 24,066,619 times
Reputation: 10748
Quote:
Originally Posted by hellob View Post
2/3 posts mention strong or stronger...as if I'm weak.
The only person I loved died
My drug addict mom/brother stole my house
I'm stuck in one of the most expensive places in America
I lost all my possessions in Indiana
All my close friends are there
My only other loved one (besides my dad) is in St. Louis

I still wake up each day and work
I'm still nice to people
I take care of myself and I'm not a charity case
I don't give those who hurt me the satisfaction of knowing


I don't know what part of this suggests I'm weak. Just because I don't want to live without her doesn't mean I'm weak, it means I'm going through a rough time.
How did they steal your house and do you have any legal recourse?
You said you have close friends back home,is it possible to stay with one of them until you find job and place of your own?

You don't sound weak to me,just profoundly sad and heartbroken.So very sorry on the loss of your GrandMa
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Old 05-25-2017, 09:21 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,345,542 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hellob View Post
I am trying my best especially regarding the things my mom did to me. My grandma wouldn't want me to stoop to their level. She'd want me to act like it's no skin off my nose. The truth is that it really screwed up my life but I don't tell anyone.
I'm trying my best but I spent so much of my life with her and no one really knows me like she did. It's the little, stupid things like if either of us was out, we'd ask the other if they wanted food. We always say no, but we'd always know to bring something. Now, if I say no, no one brings food. That's what I mean about knowing someone. The other thing is my dad has been married since a few months before I was born and he's close to her relatives. So he is a good dad to me but he has another life and I'm not invited to it. Every holiday, he's with them and I'm alone. I was ok with it bc I thought I would be going home eventually but my grandma died and I have no home to go back to. I just hate the idea that this is my future.
I guess I sound like a baby. I'll be better once I embrace the fact that I live here and start opening up to people.
No, you don't sound like a baby. You sound like someone who's suffered the loss of someone close and dear to them. Having lost my wife just 10 days ago I think I know just how you feel and it takes its toll on you.

Don't let yourself slide into despair. Your Grandma wouldn't/doesn't want that for you. Give yourself time to mourn. Don't make any sudden, life-changing decisions. All in good time you'll figure things out and embark on the path that's best for you. There's no rush!

My condolences and hope for you that everything will fall into place and you'll be fine.
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Old 05-25-2017, 09:35 AM
 
3,448 posts, read 1,496,541 times
Reputation: 6050
Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate View Post
How did they steal your house and do you have any legal recourse?
You said you have close friends back home,is it possible to stay with one of them until you find job and place of your own?

You don't sound weak to me,just profoundly sad and heartbroken.So very sorry on the loss of your GrandMa
They used their POA to steal the house. It's a long complicated story. There is legal action I could take but it's for the best just to put it behind me. They are very bad people and if I was to engage with them, it'd be a joy to them. Besides, they have no problem lying to courts. My brother is an arsonist, my mom is like the woman Robert Blake killed (she cons men). In the long run, I'm probably better off. I'm just mad at myself cuz I tend to get screwed bc I don't think like them and I'm constantly blindsided. My uncle is like "what do you expect? She's been terrible to you since you were born? You're surprised she stole it? Etc"
It's for the best that I stay here bc I have a good job with a pension which I really need bc I spent a lot of time helping my grandma instead of advancing my career (the house was supposed to help with this). I'm lucky that I have a lot of savings and investments so I'll be ok but like I said, I just don't really care what happens to me. As far as I'm concerned, I pray for death. My nephew is a baseball phenom and can use the money for coaches.
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Old 05-25-2017, 10:46 AM
 
9,707 posts, read 7,654,638 times
Reputation: 17557
Believe me, your nephew (and uncle and father) would far rather have you than any amount of money. Your grandmother, were she still with you, would agree.

I lost someone dear to me to suicide, and that tragedy continues to impact those who loved her, something I am sure she never considered in her own distress, as she was not a cruel person, just a mentally ill one who thought she had no other options. She did, of course....which makes it all the harder, even now, forty three years later.

I am so sorry about your dear grandmother - she sounds like a remarkable and loving person. That love continues - it's the one thing which can transcend this world and the next. While she might appreciate your tears, she would not want you to be continually unhappy - instead, she'd want you to live your life happily and fully, and to never forget her and to remember and cherish the wonderful times you shared.

Please call your local Hospice, and see if they offer grief counseling. Most do, and I think you might benefit by it.

Also, consider trying to separate the various issues you're dealing with - while they are all part of the big picture, they are also separate. Focus on grieving for your grandmother right now, since that is the freshest and most painful loss. I also lost someone dear last month, and it is very, very hard...but as time passes, I find myself remembering the good times more and being less sorrowful, though I will always miss her and wish she'd had more time with those she loved and those who loved her. It sounds as if you brought your grandmother a lot of joy, just as she did you, and that is something to cherish always..

As for being homesick, could you visit your old home and friends for a week or two this summer? You might also look into job opportunities there at the same time, if you are really unhappy where you are now. But I would caution you to let a little more time pass following the loss of your grandmother before deciding to move, since you have so much on your plate at present.

Meanwhile, look for the good things about your current city - visit parks, museums, plays, concerts, look for book discussion groups or other free activities at the library, see what the Y offers, maybe visit local houses of worship to see if there's a good fit, volunteer for a cause that's meaningful to you.

Adopt a cat, or small dog from the humane society. You'd be saving a life and gaining a wonderful friend and companion.

Fix up your apartment or house to make it truly yours (thrift shops and yard sales are great places to find decorative and functional items at minimal cost). You still may not feel at home where you are - but you will have had some interesting experiences and made life a little bit better for yourself.

Best wishes to you.
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