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Old 06-11-2017, 10:41 PM
 
Location: State of Washington (2016)
3,294 posts, read 2,183,436 times
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When you truly love someone, sometimes you never get over the pain. You just carry on as best you can. I will never, ever stop missing and grieving over my deceased grandmother. I loved her even more than my mother and it still hurts. Time just makes it a little more bearable.
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Old 06-12-2017, 01:05 AM
 
Location: NW Nevada
13,340 posts, read 10,911,844 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Praline View Post
When you truly love someone, sometimes you never get over the pain. You just carry on as best you can. I will never, ever stop missing and grieving over my deceased grandmother. I loved her even more than my mother and it still hurts. Time just makes it a little more bearable.

I agree. When it's for real the pain of loss doesn't ever truly go away. As you say, easier to bear day to day, but even after considerable time I find tears yet to shed. And I truly believe I will for as long as I live. My Dad was the hardest thing I had ever endured. I fell apart, and it took two years before I just didn't dwell on it daily.


Now with my lady, I'm not certain at all how I'm going to cope. As I said, the only two people in my life who ever truly understood me. I just don't know. Love like my Dad and Her ....it can't be replaced or the wounds healed. She had lost her mother not long before my Dad passed, and we understood each others pain, and filled the voids to a great degree. We could cry with each other on bad days and offer real comfort. I often wonder why it is that we have to lose such important people like your Grandmother, my Dad and my Lady.


Often wishing even to change places with them but also knowing the pain that would cause them. It really is an unsolvable problem. So, I just find the strength somehow, and paint on my "brave face". Try to honor them as best I can and take some comfort in that. I know they would not want us to grieve so. But it nigh on impossible not to when the loss is so considerable. I do still have my Mom who is a great comfort. My Sister tries, bless her, but tires to get me thinking ....practically. My one friend often comes close to getting busted in the nose with his take on things. Especially with my Lady. The whole get over it and find someone else, I'm to young to give up on love etc ad nauseum.


It just ain't that simple and I'm not made that way. My heart is gone. I gave it away and I don't want it back. That's where I really miss Dad. We were definitely cut from the same cloth. Still find myself talking to him. Especially lately. No, Time doesn't heal so much as just maybe dulls the edge a bit.
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Old 06-12-2017, 01:39 AM
 
619 posts, read 324,437 times
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Originally Posted by sawyersmom View Post
Yesterday marked 20 years since my uncle passed. I woke up with a lump in my throat and I wasn't sure why I felt so off and then I saw the date. I think about him often but every year on the anniversary of his death, I feel like I'm transported back to that day and its almost as if I experience it all again. It sucks.
Anyone else feel like you just get used to the void but that time does not fill it or heal it?
My mother died 31 years ago. Do I ever forget? No. Do certain days, experiences, smells, suddenly remind me of her? Yes. That will never go away.

I think that what time does is to heal that raw, acute pain that comes at the time of death. I think that the overwhelming and all -consuming feelings of sadness and loss and "how will I ever smile again" are not with me on a daily basis, and that is the difference.
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Old 06-14-2017, 03:20 AM
 
5,165 posts, read 2,397,125 times
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My sister died 12 years ago. I have felt lost ever since.

Since my sister's death, there have been several other losses as well, so I pretty much feel like a zombie now, every day. I don't get much true joy or pleasure from anything.

I've told my husband that I just have to go first...he would be able to go on without me, but I just couldn't.

Last edited by MarciaMarshaMarcia; 06-14-2017 at 03:50 AM..
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Old 06-14-2017, 10:57 AM
 
Location: SW MO
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My mother died 28 years ago, my father 30. I still miss them especially on their birthdays and at some other times as well such as Mother's and Father's Days. My wife passed away a mere month ago tomorrow. It's a day I'll always remember - the morning after Mother's Day - along with the two anniversaries we celebrated and her birthday. This coming Sunday is Father's Day and I'll hear from my children and grandchildren as well as my wife's; all in other states. It was always a day my wife made special and will be a difficult one for me without her.

My wife's loss will forever be a wound that will not heal. I know that even in this early and so fresh a time. We shared a very special love and that's a hole that can never be filled because no one can ever replace her. As we all are, she was unique but especially so and her love for me is without parallel. I miss her more than words can express.
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Old 06-14-2017, 12:00 PM
 
Location: NW Nevada
13,340 posts, read 10,911,844 times
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Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
My mother died 28 years ago, my father 30. I still miss them especially on their birthdays and at some other times as well such as Mother's and Father's Days. My wife passed away a mere month ago tomorrow. It's a day I'll always remember - the morning after Mother's Day - along with the two anniversaries we celebrated and her birthday. This coming Sunday is Father's Day and I'll hear from my children and grandchildren as well as my wife's; all in other states. It was always a day my wife made special and will be a difficult one for me without her.

My wife's loss will forever be a wound that will not heal. I know that even in this early and so fresh a time. We shared a very special love and that's a hole that can never be filled because no one can ever replace her. As we all are, she was unique but especially so and her love for me is without parallel. I miss her more than words can express.

I completely empathize sir. My lady' birthday would have been the 26th of this month. A day I always tried very hard to make special for her. I to know what that hole through the middle feels like, and know with complete certainty it can and will not ever be filled again. Our hearts have gone with our ladies. We gave them away and don't want them back. There's so many things that might seem small to others, but that we will miss more than we would miss a limb.


Her little silly dance she did when she was feeling frisky, what waking up next to her in the morning was like, having her scent all through the house was like a potent drug in effect. You so have my total and complete understanding of where you're at my friend. Such a love can only be once in a lifetime. All the catchy philosophical musings in the book just seem to be inane ramblings. All we can do is try and honor these oh so special women the best we can.


Try and think about what they would want and do our best to follow those wishes. They certainly would not want us to suffer and be in pain every single day, even though that's more than hard not to do. Like you, I will honor her by never trying to fill that hole. It's cut out in her unique shape, and there's no repairing it. Oh, maybe we can patch it up a bit, alleviate some of the hurt that way, and carry on best we can how they would want us to. But I can't and won't ever try and patch it by another relationship. That wouldn't be fair at all to someone else as I know I can't give someone else that type of feeling. It would be plastic. Totally a façade.


By reading what I have of your relationship with your wife, I know you will honor her. I try and tell myself that the flame I had burning for my lady is far from being extinguished. It never will be. That's something that we will never lose. I'll keep it stoked for as long as I continue to live. My best wishes for you man. Truly. It sure does hurt, and that's a fact. But I wouldn't trade the last short five years I had with my special one for a lifetime of wealth and comfort without a care in the world. You're not alone in your feelings.
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Old 06-14-2017, 12:10 PM
 
Location: SW MO
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Excellently put. It's clear that you and your wife shared the same type of magical, golden love my wife and I did and continue to. Why would either of us settle for less and something we know can never be found again? Why would we want the interference with anything that could take away even a part of what we have? Not happening, ever.

My best wishes to you as well.
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Old 06-14-2017, 01:03 PM
 
Location: NW Nevada
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Nope. Not ever gonna happen. It's a shame that so many people these days think that such Love just doesn't and can't actually exist. They are so jaded and cynical about it. I guess the worst part is the unwillingness to believe. Isn't that where real magic gets its power? Through a willingness to just believe? I've been used and abused badly, especially by my ex, but she never, hard as she tried, ever made me stop believing.


In the end, that belief paid off. Even if it was just for a short period of my life, that period will be my whole life. And I'll always go on believing....
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Old 06-14-2017, 01:16 PM
 
18,854 posts, read 6,167,967 times
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I still think about my 5 yr old nephew who had only 5 yrs of life. Killed on his bike which was a christmas gift. He would be in his 30's today. We all have memories of loved ones. I've lost my share and recently my 68 sister to MS. She was a good friend and sister.
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Old 06-15-2017, 03:16 PM
 
Location: TX and NM on the border of the Great Southwest.
11,779 posts, read 15,805,096 times
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I have a large burn scar on my left arm from an automobile fire that happened nearly thirty years ago. Some days when the weather is just right, it still stings painfully.

Time does heal wounds but sometimes the scars remain very painful.
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