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Old 05-25-2017, 09:26 AM
 
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Yesterday marked 20 years since my uncle passed. I woke up with a lump in my throat and I wasn't sure why I felt so off and then I saw the date. I think about him often but every year on the anniversary of his death, I feel like I'm transported back to that day and its almost as if I experience it all again. It sucks.
Anyone else feel like you just get used to the void but that time does not fill it or heal it?
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Old 05-25-2017, 05:46 PM
 
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My first experience with this was my friend who lost her sister young. She'd get depressed every year around that time and her hubby said when is she going to get over it? Never. Because her sister will always be dead.

It gets better for most of us, but it's always there.
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Old 05-25-2017, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Boston
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sawyersmom View Post
Yesterday marked 20 years since my uncle passed. I woke up with a lump in my throat and I wasn't sure why I felt so off and then I saw the date. I think about him often but every year on the anniversary of his death, I feel like I'm transported back to that day and its almost as if I experience it all again. It sucks.
Anyone else feel like you just get used to the void but that time does not fill it or heal it?
Blessed are those who grieve for they shall be comforted.

It doesn't say, you will forget all about it.
And its not supposed to 'feel good".
Its nice that you don't forget, its your love that is expressing itself.
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Old 05-26-2017, 08:02 AM
 
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It does seem like I feel worse on the date of their death than on any other day of the year. I think that's natural though since it's the original day of loss and therefore painful memories. All other days (birthdays, holidays, etc.) give rise to more happier memories.
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Old 05-27-2017, 01:19 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam View Post
My first experience with this was my friend who lost her sister young. She'd get depressed every year around that time and her hubby said when is she going to get over it? Never. Because her sister will always be dead.

It gets better for most of us, but it's always there.
I posted this before, I think, but when I was a young girl of about 10, my grandmother took me to the cenetery to show me where her parents were buried. She told me that even though there was no marker anymore, her sister Maria was buried there, too.

In 1896, she was 4 and Maria was 6 and they both got diphtheria. They were in the same bed, and she remembers getting a shot and the doctor saying, "I can save this one, but the other is too far gone." When she woke up, Maria was no longer in the bed.

She told me that story 70 years later standing by her sister's grave, and even at my age, I could see she still grieved for her lost sister.
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Old 05-27-2017, 07:15 PM
 
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No, time does not heal all wounds. That saying works when the wounds are just boo-boos, but not when the trauma is major. I think that we get used to the pain. The pain slowly loses its ability to overwhelm every part of our lives, all the time. We learn to live again. But there will be a spot on the heart that never heals, like a hole or a scar. And the sorrow returns on occasion, sometimes for a week, sometimes for a minute, sometimes for an instant. The healing brings us resilience to regularly return to the light places after a turn in the dark. And this is what our lost loved ones wish for; our resilience. They want us to live our lives with both thoughtful remembrance and with joy.

Sometimes, when we are young, we believe that life will only be joy once we get to that good place we long for. What we forget, or what we don't yet know, is that life's path is both in brilliance and shade. During those times of deep darkness, we hope that we can remember that the light will come again.
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Old 06-05-2017, 12:15 PM
 
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I will be coming up on the 50th anniversary of the death of my biological mother (who died when I was a small child) this coming week. As I grow older these anniversaries become more significant of what the repercussions of her early death have had on my life even now.
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Old 06-11-2017, 08:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jonesg View Post
Blessed are those who grieve for they shall be comforted.

It doesn't say, you will forget all about it.
And its not supposed to 'feel good".
Its nice that you don't forget, its your love that is expressing itself.
Great post. I fully agree.

Everyone has different beliefs, but for me personally I do believe that death is a door we all will walk through. I don't actually believe in "death". I think we go on. And I believe that our loved ones are right on the other side of that door. One day we will be together again. The grief we hold while we are here living our lives without them can ONLY be fully healed by reuniting with that person. They're the only ones who can actually provide the healing.

"Our treasure is in heaven..." What is our treasure? Our LOVE.
LOVE NEVER ENDS.
and more importantly... our love is NEVER in vain.
Sometimes I see grief as a placeholder in my heart.
Awaiting the day when my sorrow will turn into laughter, overwhelming joy.
Material things, riches, are absolutely nothing compared to the love that we share with others.
To love and then to lose forever is just not possible in my perspective. Love is the most powerful force in existence.
It only makes sense that our bonds continue after this life.

peace,
sparrow
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Old 06-11-2017, 10:00 PM
 
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I totally agree, Sparrow.
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Old 06-11-2017, 10:26 PM
 
Location: NW Nevada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sawyersmom View Post
Yesterday marked 20 years since my uncle passed. I woke up with a lump in my throat and I wasn't sure why I felt so off and then I saw the date. I think about him often but every year on the anniversary of his death, I feel like I'm transported back to that day and its almost as if I experience it all again. It sucks.
Anyone else feel like you just get used to the void but that time does not fill it or heal it?

Indeed, some wounds time doesn't ever heal. Oh, some of the smart might dull a bit, but it never goes away. I will be marking 17 years since my Dad's passing this year. I light a candle on that day, and at Thanksgiving and Christmas. His Birthday is Oct 6th, and mine is the 3d. And I spark up on that day as well.


I'm having to come to grips with possibly losing my precious lady now. To serious medical issues, and I know I will never be able to get past that as well. I will never be in another serious relationship again. My heart belongs to her, totally and completely. I will have nothing to give of it to anyone else in such a way. Time will not ever erase that either. Even if it could, I would not want to allow that.


Truly, some losses just never go away. They leave a hole shaped just like that person that nobody else could ever hope to fill. And the wounds just never fully heal. I think of my Dad far more often than just on the day of hiss passing and other special dates. I so miss his wisdom and understanding. I treasure everything he taught me and the edge ha never been blunted in his loss. In the case I have now with my precious , beautiful lady, the edge is just as sharp, and it's cutting slowly and painfully.


I'm wrapped up in it daily, hourly, by the minute and second, and I fear that will be the case for the rest of my life. I very much understand how you feel. There is no injury that could hurt worse, or that I wouldn't choose over this pain. Friends and even family keep telling me I have to move past it, and that old adage about time. Inn this I find myself missing my Dad more and more because he was the only one, other than my lady who really understood me and how my emotions work. So the only two people in my life who ever truly understood and accepted how and who I am will be gone soon. It's that feeling of pure lonely that adds salt to the wound.


Somehow we have to find a way to keep going, but with such loss many aspects of life lose their shine yes. Best wishes man. We all must carry on, but it's lot harder when we lose reasons to do so with enthusiasm.
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