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Old 05-27-2017, 08:05 PM
 
10,700 posts, read 3,742,867 times
Reputation: 4683

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I lost my first wife and high school sweetheart over 30 years ago after 24 years of marriage. We were an established pair and it came out of no where with sudden finality and teenage children at home.

I would have gladly changed places if that was an option.

Mourn and grieve hard. It helps. I really did not surface for a couple of years. Actually pulled out by a kid who had more problems than I did.

Then on with it. You survived for a reason. Now go figure out why...

It can never be the same. But it can be different and still good.

And love him forever. I do her. Even after all these years.
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Old 05-27-2017, 08:37 PM
 
3,270 posts, read 1,942,828 times
Reputation: 6264
Marble cake, I am so sorry for your loss. Just take it one minute at a time, one breath at a time. Lean on everyone and anyone who can support you at this horrible time.

RIP, Mr. Marble cake.
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Old 05-27-2017, 08:39 PM
 
Location: Midwest
3,699 posts, read 6,714,876 times
Reputation: 5628
What they ^^ said. So sorry for your loss. That is the downside of having a great and successful marriage or relationship. Some day, one dies.
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Old 05-27-2017, 08:47 PM
 
Location: Carbondale, Illinois
24 posts, read 16,197 times
Reputation: 70
I am so sorry, going on 6months on June 1st. I understand completely how you feel. I do recommend some grief counseling, either individual or a support group. It helps to cry with in front of people who know what you are going through. I go day by day, and have realized that in the past month, although I cry, it is not breaking down daily at home, and actually laughed hard at something someone was telling me.
I know the anniversary is so difficult. I wish I could give you a hug, since I was living away from everyone one, I missed a hug desperately. My husband got up and hugged me each day, when I came home from my part-time job, but I am getting through it. I do talk to him everyday, ask him to help me get through the day, the holiday, find things, whatever, and I think he does. Breaking down and crying is not bad. I also joined other groups, helps to keep busy. I did not think I would get through it, but somehow I have, very slowly, and things can trigger crying so easy. TV shows, songs, things people say. Hope this helps. Keep posting, people help. I agree, do not make difficult decisions. I realize I am constantly misplacing things, concentration level is low, and I know from others, this is not unusual.
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Old 05-27-2017, 09:45 PM
 
Location: S. FL (hell for me-wife loves it)
2,982 posts, read 1,709,587 times
Reputation: 8906
My heart will break into a thousand pieces if I lose my wife. It was love at first sight for us. I have been with her since I was 25, and she just turning 18.
I cannot imagine a day without her. Sorry if I'm not much help, but I too, look into the future when one of us is left behind. If I could catch your tears and say something to help you through this, I surely would.
I think all the members above me have offered great advice. I will think of your great loss tonight and hope for you the best.
And to the Poster above me who said keep talking, imho, that's great advice.

PS: Long time too, almost 39 years.

Last edited by TerraDown; 05-27-2017 at 09:59 PM..
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Old 05-27-2017, 11:23 PM
 
Location: Florida
318 posts, read 188,738 times
Reputation: 549
Thank you all so much for all of your very kind words and prayers. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. I'm just so heartbroken. It's going to take me a very long time to feel better again.

A part of me had died as well. But as you all have said, in time I'll heal. It doesn't seem like that now at all. I feel I will never heal but I will hope for the best. I'm just sooo sad.
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Old 05-28-2017, 08:11 AM
 
Location: Lake Norman, NC
7,068 posts, read 10,821,088 times
Reputation: 30340
Sending positive thoughts and wishes to you!
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Old 05-28-2017, 08:48 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,101 posts, read 3,923,269 times
Reputation: 18770
As hard as it is to believe, it will get easier. I lost my husband in August of 2010 and the first Thanksgiving and Christmas were so very hard. It's only been the last 6 months of so that I can say I don't think about him every day. Everything is different, but in time your current life becomes "the new normal".


My sympathies.
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Old 05-28-2017, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,927 posts, read 24,052,828 times
Reputation: 10744
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
As hard as it is to believe, it will get easier. I lost my husband in August of 2010 and the first Thanksgiving and Christmas were so very hard. It's only been the last 6 months of so that I can say I don't think about him every day. Everything is different, but in time your current life becomes "the new normal".


My sympathies.
I just lost my husband 3 months ago and came to that realization yesterday, nothing will ever be the same again.
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Old 05-28-2017, 11:02 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,327,697 times
Reputation: 28965
Right now I feel as if nothing will ever be as good again; bearable but very different and with an empty space. I hope I'm wrong, all but the space.
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