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Old 05-29-2017, 10:49 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,172 posts, read 6,355,928 times
Reputation: 12761

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Troglodyte74 View Post
No, you never will be the same. A part of you did die with him. I lost my wife of 33 years to breast cancer 12 years ago. I am not the same and never will be, but life has taken so many unexpected turns that it has become an entirely new second life. Just keep your husband in your heart, always honor his memory, and stay open to whatever life sends your way.


One of the best pieces of advice I received was, "Don't make any significant life decisions for at least one year. Don't sell the house, quit your job, start a new romance or anything else. You think you are thinking clearly, but you aren't." I realized later how sound that advice was. I thought I was thinking clearly, but I wasn't. I made lots of stupid small decisions, but at least no disastrous ones.


I hope you truly believe you will one day be where your husband is. I firmly believe that as well. When it's your time, you will be with him. There is a reason that you rather than him were given the challenge of remaining behind for now.

Beautiful, beautiful message, and words of wisdom.

Marblecake, , my grief, thoughts and prayers are with you. Be gentle with yourself, and know that others are with you.
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Old 05-29-2017, 06:17 PM
 
Location: Florida
318 posts, read 190,741 times
Reputation: 550
Thanks very much for all the kind words. My grief is emense. My husband was the love of my life. I took him to my HS prom. He was everything to me. I'm in disbelief.

He also had cancer. Melanoma. He knew he was going to die and that is heart wrenching in itself. I don't know which is worse, sudden death or knowing it's eminent. Either way, the amount of loss and pain just can't be expressed in words. I have never been in so much emotional pain in my life.

My pain is going to be hard to heal. I'm just too broken right now. My only consolation is that he isn't suffering anymore and he is whole, in the arms of Our Savior.

I really enjoyed reading everyone's posts and the hope,it gave me that one day this deep deep pain will lessen. I will never be the same again, but I hope,and pray that I can continue to live without so much despair. I don't see it at all now but I believe what everyone says about it getting better with time. I guess time is all I have right now.
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Old 05-29-2017, 07:24 PM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
6,321 posts, read 3,498,656 times
Reputation: 15042
I am so very sorry for your loss.
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Old 05-29-2017, 08:38 PM
 
Location: East Coast of the United States
15,689 posts, read 18,259,536 times
Reputation: 11222
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
I really enjoyed reading everyone's posts and the hope,it gave me that one day this deep deep pain will lessen. I will never be the same again, but I hope,and pray that I can continue to live without so much despair. I don't see it at all now but I believe what everyone says about it getting better with time. I guess time is all I have right now.
Please accept my deepest condolences for your loss. My mother passed away in the early part of this month. The first 3 weeks or so afterwards, I felt very disturbed and was in a state of shock, confusion and constant grief. I wanted to run away somewhere very far away. In the past week, I think these symptoms have gradually decreased. It may be that I've learned to mask my feelings.

Anyway, I know this is not the same as losing your husband. But I thought this might give you some idea about the time frame for when you can expect the pain to lessen somewhat. I wish you well and pray for your healing.
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Old 05-29-2017, 09:39 PM
 
Location: Brawndo-Thirst-Mutilator-Nation
15,274 posts, read 15,258,066 times
Reputation: 10995
GACK, so terrible, my condolences.
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Old 05-30-2017, 07:27 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,138 posts, read 3,952,300 times
Reputation: 18839
The FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF:


Grief.com – Because LOVE Never Dies Five Stages of Grief by Elisabeth Kubler Ross & David Kessler
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Old 05-30-2017, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,947 posts, read 24,092,683 times
Reputation: 10783
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
Thanks very much for all the kind words. My grief is emense. My husband was the love of my life. I took him to my HS prom. He was everything to me. I'm in disbelief.

He also had cancer. Melanoma. He knew he was going to die and that is heart wrenching in itself. I don't know which is worse, sudden death or knowing it's eminent. Either way, the amount of loss and pain just can't be expressed in words. I have never been in so much emotional pain in my life.

My pain is going to be hard to heal. I'm just too broken right now. My only consolation is that he isn't suffering anymore and he is whole, in the arms of Our Savior.

I really enjoyed reading everyone's posts and the hope,it gave me that one day this deep deep pain will lessen. I will never be the same again, but I hope,and pray that I can continue to live without so much despair. I don't see it at all now but I believe what everyone says about it getting better with time. I guess time is all I have right now.
Oh that is what weighs heavy in my heart now, I was so caught up in caring for my husband for 13 months I never thought of how heavy this burden of knowing you are going to die was for him. In hindsight if it was indeed his time to go I would rather he had an instant fatal heart attack, would have been awful for me and kids but he would not have had to live every day with this burden.
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Old 05-30-2017, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale
910 posts, read 412,288 times
Reputation: 1622
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
Two mornings ago my husband died, and the sadness is just too unbearable. I can't stop crying. We were together 46 years. Yesterday was our anniversary. That made it even more heart wrenching. I feel like I want to be where he is. It's going to take me forever to get over this. He was the love of my life. I'm so broken.

I feel like I will never be the same. A part of me died with him. I'm just heartbroken.
In my humble opinion, the long-term union should serve as a model for young people to follow. Divorce rates are far too high these days. But your husband "went the distance" and should be recognized for that. Unfortunately, many young adults today are children of divorce, so they are also at high risk for divorce. The cycle perpetuates itself. Long-term marriages that go the distance are far-and-few in-between. Your husband's devotion to the end is admirable and should be applauded. I hope the young people in your local circle of society get to see it as a model of marriage to achieve.

As for grief, I studied the Vietnam War. Forty-six years ago the Vietnam War was still in force. Many husbands and fathers never returned and died at a young age. You are fortunate your husband lived to an elderly age when some men of his generation did not. The "Nam" was hell on earth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p25bS4VXYq8

Here is a list of casualties from 1971 - RIP.
Virtual Vietnam Veterans Wall of Faces | The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund
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Old 05-30-2017, 12:20 PM
 
7,696 posts, read 12,868,305 times
Reputation: 9605
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
For some reason those neat tidy grief stages everyone reminded me of made me
mad when I was grieving.

My grief followed no stages and was one thing one minute and another the next, and sometimes all those things at once.
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Old 05-30-2017, 02:21 PM
 
Location: coastlines
372 posts, read 387,055 times
Reputation: 974
You will get through this. Even though you may not yet know how.

Your grief will come in waves. It's normal and natural.

You may feel numb, bereft, crazy and enraged. Let those feelings pass thorough you like clouds in the sky.

Grieve with those you love (if possible). Even if they don't understand, they love you dearly.

Take time to write (if you can). Your feelings, your favorite stories, your unsaid conversations can be put to paper any time.

Talk with him, always.

You will never be the same. It's true.

You have a wisdom built on love and loss.

You have a depth that touches the very core of yourself and humanity.

It is through our grief that we understand humanity. Our deepest personal wounds are also the collective lives of others.

Minute by day by week by month, the seasons will unfold.

One day you will find yourself in a moment's joy and be horrified that you were happy.

It's okay. He will live on in your joy as well as your tears.

Forgive yourself the past and the present.

Your wish to be with him is understood and natural. Love him well from here.

Winter will pass in it's own time. Stay warm and close to comfort. Take good care.

When the newest buds of Spring begin, let them be. Neither turn away nor rush them.

New life has its own tenderness.

He was a profound gift, as you both were to each other.

Cherish him by living well in his memory.

Let the love that surrounds you hold you as you fall apart. It's okay.

A place deep within you is stronger than you can imagine. It will keep you safe.

I send you many blessings as you go through this time of grief.

And wish you peace after every passing storm.

When the time is right the world will be new again.

And your love will carry on forever.
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