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Old 05-30-2017, 09:46 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,717 posts, read 21,770,674 times
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Though it was years ago, it seems like just yesterday that I came here to say the same thing.

I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry.
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Old 05-31-2017, 12:02 AM
 
Location: Florida
318 posts, read 189,402 times
Reputation: 550
Quote:
Originally Posted by grad_student200 View Post
In my humble opinion, the long-term union should serve as a model for young people to follow. Divorce rates are far too high these days. But your husband "went the distance" and should be recognized for that. Unfortunately, many young adults today are children of divorce, so they are also at high risk for divorce. The cycle perpetuates itself. Long-term marriages that go the distance are far-and-few in-between. Your husband's devotion to the end is admirable and should be applauded. I hope the young people in your local circle of society get to see it as a model of marriage to achieve.

As for grief, I studied the Vietnam War. Forty-six years ago the Vietnam War was still in force. Many husbands and fathers never returned and died at a young age. You are fortunate your husband lived to an elderly age when some men of his generation did not. The "Nam" was hell on earth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p25bS4VXYq8

Here is a list of casualties from 1971 - RIP.
Virtual Vietnam Veterans Wall of Faces | The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund
My husband wasn't elderly. He was only 67. My heart is broken. Tonite is the first nite I am alone since he died. He was so sick and slept all the time before he died. I was sort of alone then, but I knew he was in the next room.

This is unbearable. I'm just sooo sad. I might consider counciling because I am having a very hard time accepting the fact I wil never be with him again in this life.

Thanks for all your well wishes, once again.
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Old 05-31-2017, 12:11 AM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,251,370 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
My husband wasn't elderly. He was only 67. My heart is broken. Tonite is the first nite I am alone since he died. He was so sick and slept all the time before he died. I was sort of alone then, but I knew he was in the next room.

This is unbearable. I'm just sooo sad. I might consider counciling because I am having a very hard time accepting the fact I wil never be with him again in this life.

Thanks for all your well wishes, once again.
I am so sorry. This is so terribly hard. I know what you mean about having him sleeping in the next room. Yes, he was sick and slept a lot, but he was THERE. It is not the same as when he is gone. I think that counseling is a good idea. If you feel you may need it, I would try it. You might call your local hospice for suggestions and/or for a support group, too. Both were very helpful to me.

I know, it takes a long time to accept. Even though I think I am in pretty total acceptance at this point, there are still times when I say to myself "I can't believe that all happened."

Take care of yourself.
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Old 05-31-2017, 12:18 AM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,848,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
My husband wasn't elderly. He was only 67. My heart is broken. Tonite is the first nite I am alone since he died. He was so sick and slept all the time before he died. I was sort of alone then, but I knew he was in the next room.

This is unbearable. I'm just sooo sad. I might consider counciling because I am having a very hard time accepting the fact I wil never be with him again in this life.

Thanks for all your well wishes, once again.
I think counseling or a support group or anything that helps is great, but what you feel is normal.
It is unbearable for awhile. Do you have friends that can help you through this?
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Old 05-31-2017, 12:21 AM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,848,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grad_student200 View Post
As for grief, I studied the Vietnam War. Forty-six years ago the Vietnam War was still in force. Many husbands and fathers never returned and died at a young age. You are fortunate your husband lived to an elderly age when some men of his generation did not.
Probably not the best timing to be telling a new widow how fortunate they are ..trust me..
She may appreciate that at a later point.
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Old 05-31-2017, 12:34 AM
 
3,964 posts, read 5,251,370 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
Probably not the best timing to be telling a new widow how fortunate they are ..trust me..
She may appreciate that at a later point.
I agree. NEVER tell someone who is grieving that they are fortunate. It is like a slap in the face. They may come to feel that after a while, but they need to come to that in their own time. Other people should not be trying to visit their judgement of who is fortunate and who isn't on a griever.
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Old 05-31-2017, 06:12 AM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
12,667 posts, read 10,746,745 times
Reputation: 14873
Marble cake,
And 2 months and 1 day before yours...my sister's husband, of 47 yrs, died suddenly
from sepsis, 2 days after 10 days on antibiotics for a kidney inf... healthy strong guy...perfect physical 2 weeks earlier.
She could not be left alone for 4 minutes for a month and a half....the fear and dread of
life without him! She appreciates nothing...not a bud or a flower, because he is not there with her.
Oh brother, the pain....you have my profound understanding and sympathy...

(And she is moving in with me 2000 miles away in the Fall, because she can not bear to be alone...)

Last edited by Miss Hepburn; 05-31-2017 at 06:32 AM.. Reason: Highlighted Sepsis!
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Old 05-31-2017, 07:33 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,116 posts, read 3,932,227 times
Reputation: 18792
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
For some reason those neat tidy grief stages everyone reminded me of made me
mad when I was grieving.

My grief followed no stages and was one thing one minute and another the next, and sometimes all those things at once.

That's how I felt about grief counseling. The hospice where I lived had them but it was a group thing. I left those meetings worse than when I went in, hearing everybody's stories. I'm one of those people if you cry, I cry.
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Old 05-31-2017, 08:19 AM
 
Location: Sneads Ferry NC/Randolph NJ/Cape Coral FL
12,930 posts, read 24,062,349 times
Reputation: 10748
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
Probably not the best timing to be telling a new widow how fortunate they are ..trust me..
She may appreciate that at a later point.
I agree Kelly, the post annoyed me, as I just lost my husband and would not of wanted to hear those words, by the way, my husband was a Vietnam Vet.
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Old 05-31-2017, 09:19 AM
 
7,695 posts, read 12,848,079 times
Reputation: 9599
Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate View Post
I agree Kelly, the post annoyed me, as I just lost my husband and would not of wanted to hear those words, by the way, my husband was a Vietnam Vet.
I am sure we all have some things that people said to us when they meant well.
One of my husband's college students told me after the funeral how awful he looked in the casket.
But he was also one that showed up a lot to help me with the yard.

My cousin and I laugh about her telling me days after he died "you will have a whole new life"
She lost her husband the year before and it wasn't what she was trying to say at all.
She also told me I was in an anger stage once and I came unglued yelling at her " I AM NOT ANGRY"
We both find that funny now.
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