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Thank you all so much. I love coming on here and reading all the new posts.
Tomorrow,is his memorial service. I picked up his ashes today. My daughter came with me. It was very emotional. I still can't believe he's gone. My Tony. My whole world revolved around him. My son and his wife are staying until next Thursday. Then I'm going to my sisters house to,stay with her. (She's a widow too).
I want to keep running. I'm not sure what stage of grief I'm in. People,ask me how they can help. I want to say bring my Tony back. Everyone means, well but no one can fill the hole inside me. I just want to scream, and I do.
Thank you all so much. I love coming on here and reading all the new posts.
Tomorrow,is his memorial service. I picked up his ashes today. My daughter came with me. It was very emotional. I still can't believe he's gone. My Tony. My whole world revolved around him. My son and his wife are staying until next Thursday. Then I'm going to my sisters house to,stay with her. (She's a widow too).
I want to keep running. I'm not sure what stage of grief I'm in. People,ask me how they can help. I want to say bring my Tony back. Everyone means, well but no one can fill the hole inside me. I just want to scream, and I do.
So glad to hear that you are going to spend time at your sisters.
That is a wonderful idea.
Thank you all so much. I love coming on here and reading all the new posts.
Tomorrow,is his memorial service. I picked up his ashes today. My daughter came with me. It was very emotional. I still can't believe he's gone. My Tony. My whole world revolved around him. My son and his wife are staying until next Thursday. Then I'm going to my sisters house to,stay with her. (She's a widow too).
I want to keep running. I'm not sure what stage of grief I'm in. People,ask me how they can help. I want to say bring my Tony back. Everyone means, well but no one can fill the hole inside me. I just want to scream, and I do.
Glad to hear you will be going to your sisters, the fact she is also a widow helps as she has been there and done that, can identify with your grief.
One day at a time Marble Cake, I'm 3 months into this and have days I want to scream, punch a hole in the wall and sometimes just cry and cry. It is most difficult. that hole imo is impossible to fill. I keep hearing the lyrics to an old song in my head....There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you.
Two mornings ago my husband died, and the sadness is just too unbearable. I can't stop crying. We were together 46 years. Yesterday was our anniversary. That made it even more heart wrenching. I feel like I want to be where he is. It's going to take me forever to get over this. He was the love of my life. I'm so broken.
I feel like I will never be the same. A part of me died with him. I'm just heartbroken.
The timing is awful, I know. My husband had a stroke during the night after our 27th anniversary dinner 3-1/2 years ago and died of complications 2 weeks later. I can never celebrate our anniversary again.
You will never be the same, but you will be different. You won't get over it, but you will find a place for it in your life. You will have a life, but it will be different. Might I suggest that you join Soaring Spirits (Soaring Spirits International). They have an online forum, Widowed Village, where you can read posts by and talk with people who have been there. Because no matter how supportive your friends are, no one really gets it until they've been there.
The timing is awful, I know. My husband had a stroke during the night after our 27th anniversary dinner 3-1/2 years ago and died of complications 2 weeks later. I can never celebrate our anniversary again.
Because no matter how supportive your friends are, no one really gets it until they've been there.
I'm there now and very recently. It will be just four weeks come this Monday.
I sincerely hope you can celebrate anniversaries again. They celebrate your love, your spouse, the many years you had together and are worth remembering (you always will) and taking comfort in.
My wife and I celebrated two anniversaries. The main one was not our marriage but our first date together after five years of friendship. It turned out to be a primarily unplanned and extended day and was nothing less than magical. Our actual marriage, a mere two months later, was almost anticlimactic but no less important and served to "get the job done." I will continue to celebrate both of them for as long as I shall live beyond this point because they are two of the happiest days of both our lives and deserve continued notice and memory. I will continue to celebrate here birthday as well. It was that which brought her into the world to eventually meet, 43 years later, marry 48 years later share my life until she was 68. The fond memories can never be taken back.
While my wife is gone physically she is always with me, deep in my heart and my soul. I would do her and us a grave disservice to not acknowledge such important days in her life, mine and ours.
Last edited by Curmudgeon; 06-09-2017 at 09:19 AM..
Two mornings ago my husband died, and the sadness is just too unbearable. I can't stop crying. We were together 46 years. Yesterday was our anniversary. That made it even more heart wrenching. I feel like I want to be where he is. It's going to take me forever to get over this. He was the love of my life. I'm so broken.
I feel like I will never be the same. A part of me died with him. I'm just heartbroken.
That was a big hit, and you are right, you won't ever get over it. There is a part of your heart that is now wounded, and I am not going to give you a sugary platitude. You would just hate me if I did, because it is salt in the wounds.
Pray to God that He helps you to bear up, and He will, you will get better with time. Life is still there for you, it just seems like you dropped into a grave, right along with him. But you didn't, and if you keep praying and living life, eventually the burden will be bearable.
Think of it this way, if you had died, what would you want him to do, would you want him to be be morose? Or would you want him to go on?
Of course you would want him to go on, soooo...do thou likewise. Cry your eyes out, but keep on struggling through each day.
Help others, it will take your mind off of yourself. And if you have grandchildren, take them places, if they are young. And they in turn, will make you young inside, it's a win-win.
I sat through movies and couldn't focus during that stage but it was good to be out of the house.
^^^^^^^^^^This. As hard as it may seem, if you can manage it, you need to get out of the house. It may seem trivial, but I guarantee it will make you feel better. And it will help you get out of your own head.
Get out, and do anything. Go for a walk, go to a movie, go to the mall. Fresh air, sunshine and all that. Doesn't have to be complicated. Just get up and go.
^^^^^^^^^^This. As hard as it may seem, if you can manage it, you need to get out of the house. It may seem trivial, but I guarantee it will make you feel better. And it will help you get out of your own head.
Get out, and do anything. Go for a walk, go to a movie, go to the mall. Fresh air, sunshine and all that. Doesn't have to be complicated. Just get up and go.
Best of luck.
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Thanks BILL790. I'm visiting my sister at this moment. The diversion is doing little to ease the pain I'm in. I'm thinking of searching for a grief/beverment group. Just maybe that will help.
Thanks so much for responding and your kind wishes. I really appreciate it.
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Cry your eyes out, but keep on struggling through each day. 
