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When someone known to me dies and in the last 7 years it's been my mother, brother and a few months back my father. I grieve for 4 days. And after that I hardly speak their name again tho I do think about them mostly just a few fleeting seconds then it's over. Not much guilt or anything just the thoughts or remembrances of some inter actions. I don't even remember the anniversary of their deaths. I think it's a waste of time how people carry on and cry or whine over and over for years.
Now Over my life I have witnessed death in many ways and had to deal with it. I am not in a medical field either.
No.There is no right of wrong way to grieve. People grieve differently. So do some cultures.
My father died on December 12th of last year, after a long illness. He was 88.
It was Christmas time. I was involved in holiday things and arranging for my kids to come home from college.
Now it is June. His birthday was June 15th. My parent's anniversary is in June. And then there is Father's Day. One of my kids graduated from college.
It seems amazing to me to read the things people can "say" to each other when they know they will be anonymous. Hurtful things are easy to write when you are not face to face.
I do think grieving is a very personal thing, and people should not tell you how to behave when it is a life-changing event. You do not need more angst in your life.
Call me uncaring, inconsiderate and arrogant, and call me a taxi while you're at it, but what you are saying strikes me as highly abnormal. There is a wide gulf between excessive "carrying on" and the Mr. Spock-like response you are describing. For anyone resembling a normal human - and I allow extremely wide latitude in what I consider a normal human - the death of a parent, sibling or spouse takes a great deal longer than four days to process and the memories are far more extensive than a few fleeting seconds here and there. In all honesty, I doubt you are being honest with yourself or with us. But if you are, and are happy with who you are, then live long and prosper.
My own feelings on the subject are somewhat similar. I do have my own ideas of what I consider extreme reactions to a death. But I keep them to myself, and avoid making negative comments about it when I see it in displayed in people. As can be seen in this thread, comments about grieving get angry and confrontational almost immediately.
If I don't like what I see and hear, I pass 'em by.
I lost several close friends / boyfriend and the grief still came in waves even when I thought I was getting better.
I don't know how you do it, and I really don't want to use the word lucky. I guess everyone is different. I am still figuring out a way to deal with grief sometimes.
I didn't really grieve much when my parents, aged 90 and 85(?) died. Neither of them had much of a life their last couple years, so it was probably a blessing for both. (It was tough telling Dad goodbye the last time I saw him and he said he probably wouldn't see me again.) When my wife died suddenly and unexpectedly at 51 I was a total wreck. It took several months before I got through a whole day without sobbing, and I'm not one who cries easily.
I didn't really grieve much when my parents, aged 90 and 85(?) died. Neither of them had much of a life their last couple years, so it was probably a blessing for both. (It was tough telling Dad goodbye the last time I saw him and he said he probably wouldn't see me again.) When my wife died suddenly and unexpectedly at 51 I was a total wreck. It took several months before I got through a whole day without sobbing, and I'm not one who cries easily.
I think this is totally understandable. When people are very old and are sick and have little quality of life, and no hope of restoring that, death is sometimes a blessing. That's how I felt with my mom, who died at age 91 and with severe dementia and paralysis. I do miss her, but I didn't grieve much for mom when she died; I grieved a few years before, when I "lost" her to dementia. But I grieved a great deal for my dad and my husband, both of whom died at age 65. The same person can have very different feelings about the death of different loved ones, depending on the situation.
You have the right to grieve in your own fashion. I don't see how attacking people who grieve for a long time are "whining". It does not sound like you are in touch with your feelings IMHO.
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